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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, March 8, 2010

Butt-jobs gone wrong

Y'know, I was going to do a story on the resignation of dem. rep. Eric Massa and his joyous commentary on Obama's chief lickspittle, Rahm Emmanuel ("a son of the devil's spawn" was the best), but instead I've got to show you the absolute dumbest thing I've ever (with one exception) seen on a mainstream media news site.

NEWARK, N.J. — A black-market butt-enhancement "practitioner" is injecting New Jersey backsides with household caulk and other hazardous materials, according to New Jersey health officials who have alerted New York authorities to the rear and present danger.
Six Newark-area women in the last two months have been hospitalized with infections caused by injections of "a variety of unknown materials," said New Jersey
Health Department epidemiologist Dr. Tina Tan.
Officials said they believe the injected mixture includes silicone, petroleum jelly and hardware-grade caulk.
After botched efforts to plump their rear ends like naturally well-endowed celebs such as Kim Kardashian, the victim's derrieres resembled "moonscapes" filled with lumps and craters, said a
hospital source.
"According to hospital sources, the six women were all from the Dominican Republic. The injection "treatments" occurred in hotels around the Newark area, the hospital source said

Yes, I also want a big butt. Fill me up with caulk, please and thank you. Would this not be great for the "what is it?" segment on Ask This Old House? Tommy, do you have to drill a new hole or go with the existing one?


On a vastly different subject, My Yahoo baseball league had its automatic draft, and I must say I got the best fantasy team in any sport I've ever got online.

Kurt Suzuki
(Oak - C)
Mark Reynolds
(Ari - 1B,3B)
Asdrubal Cabrera
(Cle - 2B,SS)

Mark DeRosa
(SF - 1B,3B,OF)
Stephen Drew
(Ari - SS)

Nick Markakis
(Bal - OF)

Adam Dunn
(Was - 1B,OF)

Alfonso Soriano
(ChC - OF)

Elvis Andrus
(Tex - SS)
Jay Bruce
(Cin - OF)

Vernon Wells
(Tor - OF)

Colby Rasmus
(StL - OF)

Nick Swisher
(NYY - 1B,OF)
Tim Lincecum
(SF - SP)

Justin Verlander
(Det - SP)
Francisco Cordero
(Cin - RP)
Rafael Soriano
(TB - RP)

Chad Qualls
(Ari - RP)
Aaron Harang
(Cin - SP)

Scott Kazmir
(LAA - SP)
J.P. Howell
(TB - RP)
Rich Harden
(Tex - SP)

Jason Frasor
(Tor - RP

Now shall we kick butt, not caulk it!

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