Okay, I’ve gleaned the last couple of funnys from Wastebook for you today. Though what I’ve posted is far from everything, it is the best of that which will make you laugh while you cry.
#27- One of the many things the stimulus bill brought us was a $96,000 bill to give the kindergartners of one Maine district (around 300 of ‘em) IPad2’s for classwork. Let’s put aside the facts that 1% of K kids can read words in context, 2% can recognize some words, and 4% can do the simplest of adding and subtracting, according to the Dept. of Education; set aside that a Facebook poll of the district said that 95% of parents (7624 of 7981) thought it was a stupid idea. $96,000 by 300 kids means they paid $320 apiece for an item I found on Overstock.com for less than $44. Martin savings- $83,040.
23- The National Institute of Health (which obviously doesn’t cover mental health) gave $356,933 over a 2 year period to examine the possible link between cocaine and risky sexual behavior by studying the effects on the sex drive of Japanese Quail. Why Quail? “Because, “ a researcher says, “the birds readily engage in reproductive behavior in the lab.” IOW, they don’t care who they fool around with in public. Given that, I have to wonder how much riskier behavior quail on cocaine can manage. And was the study sckewed by lack of condom availability?
Martin savings: look at the warrant pics of people busted for cocaine possession. Find out how many kids they have. Think about whether YOU’D want to have sex with him/her, and do the math. 75 cents for a newspaper.
A double-popper, #s 19 and 33. 19 is how one billion dollars in credits have been given by the IRS for household energy efficiency improvements to people who have never owned a home, including incarcerated prisoners and children as young as 3. Over 30% of these credits, according to the IG in charge of taxation, have gone to people with no proof of ever having owned a home- and the IRS is not only not able to verify any claims, but doesn’t even require proof!
Martin savings comes in on #33- the IRS was also found to have 22,486 items in various warehouses that HAD NOT BEEN TOUCHED IN at least 18 MONTHS! The rental on these warehouses costs the IRS $862,000 per year! Sell that crap and hire a couple of agents to check into these credit applications.
I got a request from Mynx to look into the Australian Ice Hockey League. The top league down under, they are a semi-pro league- no salaries, but some vehicles, hotel, and other such paid for by sponsors. They also differ from most in playing 15-minute periods instead of 20. Their season runs on weekends from mid-April to the beginning of September.
Beginning this year, the league was split into two conferences. the Northeast contains the Canberra Knights; 2 teams from Sydney, the Bears and the Ice Dogs; the Newcastle North Stars (kinda odd to be NORTH stars in Oz, but whatever); and the Gold Coast Blue Tongues (no, the mascot isn’t a chow, but a lizard indigenous to the area). In the Southwest we have the brand new Perth Thunder; the Adelaide Adrenaline; and two squads from Melbourne, the Mustangs IHC and the two time champion Melbourne Ice. The Ice won the last championship against 4-time champ Newcastle in a playoff that is a 4-team, single elimination tourney. Melbourne started out on a 6-1 streak to open the season, and solidified their hold with a 5-game win streak in July. The Ice blew out Adelaide 8-3 in the first game and edged Newcastle 3-2 in the championship.
The league also announced that they would this season have a “Trans-Tasman Champions League” with the top two from their league playing a round robin with the top two from New Zealand.
The Austrian League has started their “second phase” leading into the playoffs. The top six play a round robin to determine playoff placement. Black Wings Linz, who won the regular season with a 24-7-9 mark, get 4 bonus points going in; second place Medvescak Zagreb gets 3, and 3rd and 4th get 2 and 1. Zagreb in one of 5 non-Austrian teams in the 11-club circuit, hailing from Croatia. Also in the 6 team RR are Alba Volan Fehervar (from Hungary); Red Bull Salzburg, the two time defending champs; KAC Klagenfurter; And Olimpija Ljubliana, one of two Slovenian teams. Linz has picked up where they left off, downing Zagreb 2-0 and Olimpija 4-0. RBS is struggling, as they have all season, with an opening loss to KAC 6-4 and a 7-1 drubbing by Alba Volan.
The bottom five also have a RR, with the top two going to the main playoffs, while the bottom of the bottom gets relegated next year. These five include Orli Znojmo from the Czech Republic; the Graz 99ers; my VSV Villacher; the Vienna Capitals; and Slovenia’s Acroni Jesenice, which is in such a bad way monetarilly that the president of the club was forced to resign under fan pressure, and the club and the mayor of the city had to give assurances at the end of the season that they could afford to play in the playoffs. Graz is leading this group, with a 3-2 SO win over the Caps, and 4-0 over VSV , who also lost to Orli. That loss, 3-2, surprised the league since the last regular season game was a 7-0 win by VSV in Znojmo, and the playoff loss was in Villach.