Follow by Email

What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

And now, for the baseball fan... or not...

Last night, I watched a pitcher have the worst night possible WITHOUT giving up a run.  The honors go to Cincinatti's reliever Bill Bray.

"I think a prayer to the Broccoli gods might be appropriate now..."
He comes in to start the seventh, with the Reds down 5-3.  He's facing Arizona's Miguel Montero, whose already drove in 4 of the five runs with a three-run double and a solo HR.  First pitch, low and way outside to the left handed batter.  In fact, even as I questioned his courage in facing this batter, he threw all four pitches to Montero IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT.  One one, nobody out.

Then comes Justin Upton, who the announcers have been describing as "not having the year he hoped for" and "wondering about the rumours that he's on the trading block."  First pitch is in the same spot, but as he is batting righty, it's low and inside.  Then outside and high.  Then Upton fouls off a pitch he had no need to swing at for the first "strike" of the inning. Ball three, foul, ball four.  Two on, nobody out.

Then comes Lyle Overbay, who shows bunt just to see if Bray can get ANYTHING over the plate.  He does, strike one.  Then a pitch so low it scoots past catcher Ryan Hannigan, all the way to the wall.  But before you can say, "Crap, wild pitch," it hits the wall and shoots right back to Hannigan, freezing the runners. Which interrupted the announcers going on about "Overbay showing a bunt on the first pitch when he hasn't hit a sac bunt but 5 times in a 12 year career."  Overbay then over swung at what would have been ball two, and finished off by hitting a double play ball that went first baseman Todd Frazier to Shortstop Zac Cozart and back to Brandon Phillips covering first.  Montero went to third, two out, and you think Bray might just survive.

Next comes Chris Young, hitting a whopping .203.  Two balls in the dirt later, you're not so convinced.  When the next pitch goes for ball three, manager Dusty Baker signals to just walk him and go after the next guy.  Now, for the baseball-deficient, when you walk a guy intentionally, the catcher stands up and puts his hand way out to the outside to signal it.  The pitcher is then SUPPOSED to throw the pitch where the catcher's hand is, so that there's no chance of the batter hitting it.

But of course, Bray throws only his third strike of the inning, right down the middle.  Hannigan and Young, both stunned, watch the ball fly between them, past the umpire, to the wall once again.  Montero races home.  Bray freezes, wondering just what the hell he has done, other than write himself a one-way ticket to Louisville.

And then... once again, the ball bounces off the wall, right back to Hannigan.  Bray wakes up just in time to beat Montero to the plate, gets the throw, and tags Montero out.  No runs, no hits, no errors, one man left on base.  For Bill Bray, one inning pitched, two walks, two wild pitches, the most thouroughly messed up intentional walk of all time, but no runs scored.

"Thank you, o Broccoli gods. Thank you!"


  1. I am sitting here, right now, watching the Nats play the Mets, and I think you and Pooldad would get along swimmingly. He keeps up a running commentary very similar to your hilarious post.

    Come to town. I'll make you pie, you two can have a beer and we'll massacre our favorite players.

    [In fairness to the Nats - they are in first place, and ARE rooting for the Cubs, correct? giggle]

    1. REDS, woman, REDS!! As in, see ya in the playoffs ! lol Seriously, though, I'm glad to see the Nats doing great. If you've seen the DirecTV ad for the hopper (Pronounced "the HAW-pah") thats what we've been calling Bryce Harper.