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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Just some fun stuff.

Ever since I saw someone else's post about all the fun ways people find you on search engines (actually, it was here at One Odd Duck- you should read this, it's hilarious) , I've been keeping more of an eye on the searches that lead people here.  Some are unusual but explainable, like "Marty Brennaman bulls#!t" (from his birthday shave.  More people were interested in the thing he didn't mean to say than what he actually did.), and fudergong (What's that?  read here.)  And never a month goes by without somebody wanting to look at this Silver Convention picture:

...although no one has ever accepted my challenge to explain just why they are (or this is) so darn popular!  Silver convention in the second biggest search draw I have all time, and leads the third search (Rikuzentakata, the Japanese city I featured after the quake/tsunami) by about 250.

Lately I have been getting searches from desperate porn seekers, in which google takes their request and mangles it into things that might be on my posts in a far different form.  For example, here's a sentence or two from a recent post:

"...This was so steep, a couple that was running uphill were bent over trying to run. The husband said, "Hello!" The wife said, "Help!"

Google massaged this into an acceptable find for the search "Wife Bent Over."

Another one was searching for "Baby Breeze Penthouse".  Apparently he was looking for Baby Breese, a model in Penthouse Magazine.  But he did pause long enough on my site to look at this:

...which was part of a post I did in which I mentioned that it was too hot to go for a walk, but we did anyway because there was a nice breeze... and later pointed out that we saw a baby bunny.  Where the penthouse comes in, who knows.

In the meantime, after a long pause, I'm getting some scam-emails again.  On the 8th, Mr. Peter Morgan of Lloyds of London wanted to let me know I was getting a £450,000 settlement for having been a scam victim.  On the 10th, someone who found me lurking job sites looking for work Offered me a job.  Mr. Rica (first name Costa?) said I would be dealing with "international funds", I'd work 2-3 hours a day to start, and make $2,300 + commision to start, 3K once I passed probation.  Signed it, "Faithfully Yours, HR Recruiter."

Then two days ago came the Rev. Frank Bute Ego, Manager of Benin's Western Union office (and isn't it nice that Benin's WU office has a member of the clergy working there?), telling me that, yet again, I was to be compensated for being a "scam victim".  I guess all of these compensation funds are retroactive to whenever you get stupid enough to fall for them.  Anyway, he informs me that the IMF is working with the FBI, "America security leading team", to send me $950,000 dollars at a rate of $4,500 a day.  They're just waiting on my info to fill out my "Clean Bill Record Certificate" before all that money comes tumbling in.  Thank GOD I fell for a scam, eh? Oh, did I mention that this one begins, "Attention Dear"?  That Rev. Frank is just a sweetie!

But the winner for most imaginative this time around goes to Thomas Volva (does this sound like a Seinfeld joke to you?) who had this curious request for me:


I was shocked when i saw your surname today. I really want to know if

that is your surname.
It is important i know!

I hope to hear from you.

Thomas Volva.
Assistant Manager GTB
London, United Kingdom.

Of course, since Thomas sent it to "undisclosed recipients", I'm a bit puzzled at what surname he's referring to.  Maybe I should just reply, "Yep, that's me, last name Recipients."

Okay, that's it for now.  Oh, Oh wait!  There was a news item I wanted to mention.  It seems that the atheists are now removing those billboards I wrote about earlier in the week.  Apparently they were surprised by the outcry against them (another strike against "simply sensible") and may or may not have been asked by the billboard company to remove them due to threats against either or both the company and the group.  I am genuinely sad to see them come down, and here's why:

1.  They were designed to draw such threats, so that the atheists can take 'em down and complain about free speech, or use the incident in a "look what we did" way the next time a dispute about a Christmas display comes up.  Gotta be smarter than this, people!

2. It is, after all, their free speech right to put them up.  Whether you look away, throw rotten tomatoes at 'em, cover them over with graffiti, put up an intelligent response on a nearby billboard, those are your rights too- and a helluva lot smarter than making threats AKA giving them what they want.

3.  If they are going to put up something so completely moronic, why not let them?  The longer it stays up, the more people will look and say, "hey, that's pretty stupid!"

4.  They had the money spent, now they'll probably get a pro-rated refund.  Why on earth do you want to put money BACK in their hands?

Okay, now I'm done.  See you next rant!


  1. Weirdest search topic for me is Bathroom stinks. Coming from a post in which I explained that my bathroom actually stunk and we remodeled it and found out why. How people get the crazy search terms I'll never know.

  2. My search terms are all pretty sad. Seems a lot of pople find me while looking for inspiration.
    Nothing naughty at all.

    Should have sent you the spam I got the other day from the dying widow with a tonne of money she needed sent to charitable organisations.

    1. Y'know, I think I had that one several months back...

  3. CWM:
    Now THAT is a BA-BY bunny!!!
    (he's so cute)

    As to the scams?
    well, be happy you're not getting all those F$ckbook, viagra, Russian (Canadian?) meds, and assorted other bilge-water emails that come MY way DAILY (mot matter HOW much I forward them ALL along to the good old FB of I).

    From Vietnam to Chile,...from Iran to Somalia...they're ALL wanting to email "me"...nice to be so damn adored by the UNwashed masses in those turdhole nations.

    And remember, the only really GOOD atheist is a SAVED

    Stay safe up there.