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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, August 5, 2013

All the news, etc, etc, vol 3

ITEM:  Well the first attempt at "getting you 40 hours this week"  ended at noon.  6 hours, instead of 8.  But at least it wasn't on the taxpayer's dime.

ITEM: Let me hit all the stuff I've still got on-screen first before I delve into my notes.  Actually, I had to do some digging, because most of the news stories hereabouts were just not funny.  (Not meaning I want only funny news stories, but I don't want to poke fun at most of the tragedies that made up what I found).

First up, the professional social media site LinkedIn got in trouble for pulling down ads posted by an engineering employment firm, TopTal.  Apparently, they were concerned with what TopTal was really selling...

Meet Florencia Antara, an actual engineer, but one whom certain LinkedIn employees thought looked too good to be true.  So they pulled the ads down... and after being excoriated for thinking that a woman couldn't be hot AND an engineer, put the ads back up, with apologies.

Next customer...

ITEM:  Australian tech security firm Trustwave says that your toilet can be hacked- and there's nothing that can be done.

Of course, this only works for those that have Satis's "smart toilets" which have automatic lids as well as remote control flushing and bidets.  Apparently, there's an app you can use to control them, and it's blutooth tech can be hijacked.  Which leaves me with the following questions:

Why do you need to operate a toilet by phone?  "My stinky husband..."
Why do you need a remote control toilet anyway?  "My lazy husband..."
And why on earth would you want to hack a toilet?  "Watch what happens when I do THIS..."

Further evidence that man's maturity lags behind his technology.

ITEM: A couple of Aussie stories that have to be funnier if you just read the headline and thumbnail story:

Muslim leader guilty of sex assaults

Ahmed EL- Kahly
MUSLIM prayer leader who groped the breasts of women and kissed some of them could face fresh charges, a court heard yesterday.

Alright, I know it's a cheap shot, but "fresh" charges?

Alright, how about this one:

What a plonker - sexting MP shows off his member

What a plonker - sexting MP shows off his member
HE MAY be Queensland's ethics committee chairman, but that didn't stop him sending images to his mistress including one of his penis plonked in a glass of red wine.

The only thing I can add to this one is my spellcheck doesn't like plonked, or plonker.

Oh, and his name- Peter Dowling.  So, I guess in Australia, they call it Dowling.  Here, we call it getting Weinered.

ITEM:  Nothing from Japan, except I have to laugh every time I see the guy in this ad...

ITEM:I saw in the Moscow Times  "5 ways to get expelled from Russia"  which was mainly written to make fun of the Bloodhound Gang getting thrown out of Russia when leader Jared Hasselhoff found it funny to run a Russian flag through the front of his underwear and out the back end.  (Perhaps encouraged by a previous concert in Kiev where he peed on a Ukrainian flag.  And you wanna pay to SEE these guys?)  But it reminded me of an article they had last week:  Basically, now that you, Ed Snowden, have permission to wander Russia for the next year, what are the list of "must-do" things for you?  They included:

1. Get cleaned up, get a shave.  Perhaps avail yourself of the plastic surgeon who offered to alter your appearance pro bono.
2. Learn Russian.  Always a good idea so you don't accidently laugh at Putin's fish.
3. Find a woman.
4. No, really, find a woman.  You wouldn't want to be arrested under the new gay laws.
5. Check into that place that offered you the 24/7 bodyguard service.
6.Join an NGO (non-governmental organization).  Just to piss someone off.
7. Apparently, you can have your picture taken with "Lenin", "Stalin", or "Nicholas II" in Kremlin square as a tourist thing.  you should look into that.

8. Or you could go to the licensing bureau and charge people to get their picture taken with you.

9.Find a home.  They suggested Dom 2, the longest running reality-TV show in the world, in which contestants ""Construct a house while searching for a partner".  I don't make this stuff up!

10. Just for kicks, drop by the American Embassy to renew your passport.  MAYBE not such a good idea.


A bear walks into a bar... but I forgot about it, and just found the picture, so you can make up your own story.  Or punch line, whatever.

ITEM:  Valentina Tershkova celebrated the 50th anniversary of being the first woman in space on June 13th.  To celebrate, what did she do?

She got to brew her own BEER!    The Baltika brewery let her brew (actually "help brew") the celebratory Yarpivo Anniversary Edition 5.0, which can only be sampled on tours of their St. Petersburg and Yaroslavl breweries.  And who knows?  Maybe you don't really want to...

ITEM: Finally, the Andrea story.  A few days back I mentioned that I sent the following missive to the blog Forgotten Hits:

I saw your comment the other day about a song that left one of your readers compelled to drive sharpened pencils through his eyes and thought, now there’s a nice topic to bring up!  I have two opening candidates for “sharpened pencil songs” - The Sunrays’ Andrea (a worse use of harmony I’ve rarely heard) and the Free Design’s Kites Are Fun (Which I think even toddlers would turn the station on.  How about yours? 
CW Martin
 To which I got this response:

We're gonna pass on this one!  For one thing, I LOVE The Sunrays' version of "Andrea" ... and for another we caught a tremendous amount of flack a few years back when we proposed a similar theme we called "Guaranteed Gaggers".  In fact we heard from several of the artists on the lists asking us not to pursue this topic as they still had to earn a living by going out and performing some of these songs!!!  So, out of respect for those who mean the most to us, we backed off and dropped the idea altogether.  Nothing personal, CW ... just not a road I want to go down again.  (And believe me, we ALL have our lists!!!)  kk

No problem there, I understand the reasons, if not the taste in music.  But then today, a further commenter came on the picture and said this:

"Andrea”!!! An Eye Gouger! Yikes! With all the empty skulled mush over the last 40 years, to pick “Andrea”.  
Holy Crap! 

So, I felt I should send them my side of the story:

Jeez, I didn’t know I was smacking such a hornet’s nest.  To me, the harmonies don’t flow into the verses, the verse lyrics don’t have a whole lot to do with those leading into the chorus (which I find annoying), and they sing the word “Andrea” as if she’s bursting into a room with a cape on... but, sigh, that’s just me. 

Here's the second stanza, so you can see what I mean:

The last time I kissed and made love to her
Her emotions didn't even stir oh yeh
'Cause when I look into her eyes I can only realize
I love my

Andrea Andrea
Andrea Andrea


Kinda like my problem with the Allman Brothers' Ramblin' Man, which seems to me to have a verse missing in the middle.

And maybe flesh out this magnificent chorus a bit:

AN-DREA (As pretensiously as it can be sang)
BOM-BOMP-BOH! (the "tah-dah horn section)

Sorry to those that here this song and get a thrill.  It's your right, have a party.  Me, I laughed the first time, said, "What the hell did I burn this for" the second time, and turn the channel as often as I have to to avoid it thereon.  BTW, Andrea skulked up to #41 on the charts in 1965, white the other one I mentioned missed the hot 100 in 1967.


  1. That Sunrays song is pretty awful. The fact that someone "LOVES" it when so much good music is out there is pretty soul-crushing. But then again, I have a 31 year old brother-in-law who just "LOVES" Justin Bieber and won't take any criticism on why he sucks. My brother-in-law is also a professional musician, by the way, and still thinks that Bieber is a musical genius. Go figure.

    Oh, and thanks for the beer recommendation. This godless communist is going to be sure and try some of that Canoe Paddler after his 48 pack of Sam Adams Light runs out.

    1. Thank God! Someone else around here knows that song blows! I think the Beiber thing is kinda like those Alec Baldwin Hulu commercials a while back. As you listen to him, he sucks out your brain and replaces it with pudding. "Because we're aliens... and that's how we roll."

  2. >>... A bear walks into a bar...

    And says, "I'll have a beer."
    The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve bears here."
    The bear replies, "Are you hard of hearing? I said I want a BEER!"

    OK, OK. What do you want after 5 seconds of thought?

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  3. CWM:
    Good Lord...WHERE to begin...

    What is it with the both of us talking about TOILETS anyway?

    Something "going around" that no one's telling us?

    Florencia IS hot...AND an engineer.
    Second best combo other than a hottie AND a world-class shooter! Europe with an Orientzl ME stumped on that one!

    Good rules for Snowden, too.

    And perhaps there could be a new amendment about "barring bears"...except on TRAMPOLINES!

    Not familiar w/ the song Andrea (although I hold a deep and secret crush regarding ANDERA TANTAROS).

    Very good (and comprehensive) post for all the news that's "print to fit"...LOL!

    Stay safe (a toilet APP??? Seriously?) up there

    1. Yeah, the going to Finland was a bit puzzling, but could anyone look as ridiculous in a bowler and bow tie? (except you 'n' me, perhaps?)

  4. Smart toilets? Seriously? Ugh. lol