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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Martin World News

Hey!  I haven't done a Martin World News in like forever (okay, three weeks on the head), and I thought it might be more entertaining than a day where two guys trying to fix my cutter killed it, so I went to sew on the box stitcher which was shredding thread on the average of every three or four attempts, and when I went to the maintenance guy to fix it, he was trying to figure out why the brand new laser light he just installed on a snap machine wouldn't light up.  Well, better than living it, anyway.

ITEM:  Today is our day for news from Norway.  First up, a moose hunter took careful (allegedly) aim at 1,000 pounds of good eatin', fired, and... hit a 70-year-old man sitting on the toilet in his vacation home, conveniently located somewhere behind the moose.  The man was not badly hurt (though probably was glad he was sitting down for this one), and the moose escaped unharmed.  Oddly enough, the story from - which is a bit deficient in details such as how far away the home was, DID manage to mention the victim's wife "doesn't hold a grudge".  Hmmm...

ITEM:  Norway, round two, where deep in a mountain valley lies the town of Rjuken.  So deep, in fact, that most of the six month long winter the mountains block out the sun.  So, the town decided to do something about it.

They set three 183 sq. ft. mirrors up on one of the mountains to reflect sunlight into the valley.  The town rejoiced- except, perhaps, for the man who was making a living cable-carring people up the mountain the last few years to get a winter's look at the sun.

Now I had thought it would be amusing if they were so far north that once they got the mirrors up, they learned that the sun doesn't even rise in the winter!  No such luck, though; the town is in southern Norway and the worst they get is just under a six-hour day.

ITEM:  You would think some people would consider it imperative to get along with their hairdresser, am I right?

TV chef Guy Fieri is one of them, IMHO, but today a video surfaced of he and his dresser- both allegedly drunk- having an altercation on a highway in which Fieri kicked him out of his stopped SUV.  Having seen the video, let me give you the highlights:  You barely see Guy, and the dresser throws wussy punches at him and cries, "You're a (part of the male body whose full name is Richard)" over and over.  With the cold light of sobriety, though they made up.  Which is good, or else America's favorite chef might end up looking like this:

Oh, wait.  That ship HAS sailed...

ITEM:  And now a Russia double-header.  First, the city of Omsk steps into the PC debate over Halloween:

Dressing your child up as a witch or pirate costume and sending them off to a school Halloween party may seem innocuous, but it could actually have "destructive consequences," according to education department officials in the Omsk region.
A letter to the directors of education institutions and municipal departments advised them against celebrating Halloween in the region's schools this year so as not to encourage "extremist attitudes" among Omsk's youth, Interfax reported Wednesday.
Halloween's latent extremist influence has been demonstrated by studies at the Russian Academy of Education's institute of pedagogical innovations as well as the institute for family and upbringing, the department said in a statement.
These studies showed that Halloween's "mystical content, explicit promotion of the cult of death, its personification, can have destructive consequences for the psychic, spiritual and moral well-being of students," the statement said.

I'm sorry, but thinking like that is why your hockey team is 5-13-5 and looking for it's third coach of the year.

ITEM:  Our second story involves the efforts of Moscow to alleviate the traffic jams that clog the city every day.  The bright idea?  Make 'em pay to park!  And not just parking meters, but you can get an app and pay by phone... unfortunately, some are finding that the connection fails and get hauled off anyway.  The deputy mayor of the city claims that traffic in midtown was cut by 25%- though some trackers claim that's just a tad (read completely) exaggerated.  I know, you're thinking, that must be some darn expensive parking fees to cut traffic 25% in six months, cut three hours off the average parking time, and speed up traffic by about 6 kph!  It works out to be- are you sitting down?

Around $1.53 an hour.  Not terribly bad by our standards, but when you figure the average Russian grosses about $5.30 an hour, it MIGHT be a bit stiff...

ITEM: In China, meanwhile, officials are encouraging major websites to be purveyors of positive energy.

Minister of the State Internet Information Office Lu Wei said in an online media forum that mainstream news portals and big commercial websites should play an exemplary role in strengthening management, developing healthy trends, pooling positive energy and contributing to the Chinese dream.

And what exactly is the Chinese Dream?

The official proposed using the Internet to "hear the will of the people, promote advanced socialist culture, and carry forward the virtue of integrity".

Hmm.  I thought maybe Jandi Lin was the Chinese Dream.

As an important bridge linking the Communist Party of China and the government to the people, the Internet should tell stories of common people pursuing their dreams, said the official.
I notice it was "pursuing" and not "achieving".

I would mention this sounds like someone we all know, but we don't dig into the Hard stuff here at MWN!

ITEM:  How about a cute one for a change?  No, no more giant rubber duckies (this time).  Pope Francis was giving a speech (or is that a sermon?) the other day when a little boy ran onto the stage and gave him a hug.

So the Pope patted him on the head, gave him a blessing, sat him in his own chair, and went on with his talk.  How cool is that?

ITEM:  Finally today, Dell has to deal with some pissed off- or maybe on- customers.  They purchased the new Latitude 6430u Ultrabook, at prices around $2,600- only to find the ebook smelled like cat urine- in some cases making the customer physically sick.  It did even worse to one customer:

But it was apparently too late for one unsatisfied buyer, askanyon else, who posted on October 29, that the cat had paid the ultimate price and he had only just noticed this thread.
"I want you to know that I killed our 1 year old cat, thinking it was p***ing on my computer each night and now come across THIS forum telling me otherwise. Not only do I want a new computer, I want a new cat, vet fees, letter of apology and payment for my divorce lawyer, since my wife has left me after finding this out" he wrote.

Boy, I remember that it used to be if you had a computer problem, blame the mouse.  Now, it's blame the cat.

"What?  Surely you don't think I had anything to do with this?"


  1. CWM:
    Only saw one of those stories...the Pope one...thought it was funny, but the Pope remained too cool.

    Halloween is dangerous?
    (only if you do it DOWN HERE...where I could make a TON of remarks about spooks (and assorted other hobgoblins)

    Those wacky Norwegians...if it's not reflective mirrors, itr's "date with" with your spouse (urged BY the government there itself) in order to lower the divorce rate...
    Now WHO else would think of such an idea?

    Bizarro World...that's what we got, that's what we got.

    Really good MWN pot.

    Stay safe up there.

    1. "Bizarro World...that's what we got, that's what we got."

      Ah. The point of MWN has come through again!

  2. I loved how the Pope treated the little cute and really shows his character. I'm a big fan of Pope Francis :-)

  3. I don't watch the news so I missed all these stories but I chuckled at the Guy Fieri story! And always, love the picture of Scrappy.

    1. At least here it was a story. The real thing was such a non-story. Scrappy loves the thumbnail of you, too.

  4. How on earth do you get so much done! All good stuff though!

    1. That wasn't a lot of work. Now, Time Machine, there's 2 hours Wednesday and another two Thursday...

  5. seriously someone actually killed their cat because they thought it was peeing on their computer?????
    Did they not think to put the laptop in a cupboard away from the cat?
    That is just sad.
    (The Scrappy pic made me smile though, he is so adorable, must take after Daddy)

    1. Well, the idea was he found out after the fact that it wasn't the cat that did it, but I personally believe it was just a creative story to yank Dell with.