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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Friday, December 4, 2015

Time Machine week 52

Oh, what a night... early December back in '63... what a very special time for me...

And no, I DIDN'T have anything better to do.  Still don't.

December 4th, to be precise.  The Warren Commission began it's investigation into the JFK assassination yesterday, and today, a "suspicious package" was found at the Irving, TX, post office.  Addressed to "Lee Oswald", it contained an 18-inch long, open at both ends, paper bag.  Supposedly a match to a bag that police "found" at the Texas Book Depository room from which Oswald allegedly shot the President.  What did it mean?  Who knows?

At the same time, Malcolm X was making a speech about "God's Judgement on White America", accusing WA of "hypocrisy and deceit", and claiming that "White America pretends to ask herself: "What do these Negroes want?" White America knows that four hundred years of cruel bondage has made these twenty-two million ex-slaves too (mentally) blind to see what they really want."  Crock then, crock now, IMHO.  He constantly quotes "the Honorable Elijah Mohammed", which is rather amusing, because today is also the day that the Honorable Elijah Mohammed kicked him out of the Muslim White Haters Club, ostensibly because of remarks he made about JFK in this speech without his apparently divine permission.  What did he say?  Basically that JFK, through control of Martin Luther King and the "Big Six Negroes", controlled the civil rights movement;  "The government in Washington had told the marchers what signs to carry, what songs to sing, what speeches to make, and what speeches not to make, and then told the marchers to be sure to get out of town by sundown."

In the meantime, I sat on my potty chair with the heater at my back and my toys all around me.  Knew how to enjoy life then, know how now.

Welcome to this week's Time Machine, where we have a runaway winner on the Panel Four with 7 number one votes; by tongue-in-cheek request from the peanut gallery, a look at 1905 which Malcolm X would just love; rather than a six degrees for the song that charted highest without a panel vote, I'll let you guess what it is (details to follow); and, if you saw Wednesday's post, you know already that the song Archie Marry Me by the band Alvvays is going to be the M10's highest ever debut- but will it be at #4, 3, 2, or (gasp) #1?  Just sit back, beat yo feet in the Mississippi mud, and find out!

Honestly, could I have found a more perfect meme for this?


All right, I am going to give you a clue question for the six degrees song, later on I will give you the clue answer.  Then, at some point, I will let you in on who or what the victim actually is.  But first, the question clue:

What do Artie Shaw, the Norman Luboff Choir, Donnie and Marie Osmond, Jimmy Dorsey, Billy Wood and the Dominoes, Larry Clinton, Guy Lombardo, Bing Crosby, and Paul Weston all have in common?  (Other than general music answers and maybe being dead in some cases.)  The answer will be up in a bit.


Our panel this week includes fan favorite WIBG Philadelphia, KIMN Denver, WGR Buffalo, WKNR Detroit, WLS Chicago, KOMA Oklahoma City (can't you see those call letters on an easy listening station?), WQAM Miami, KMEN San Bernardino, WCOL Columbus, WJET Erie PA, WHB Kansas City, and CHUM Toronto.  They strung together 29 different songs in their top fives, but one song still managed to be a resounding 47-27 winner.  The panel picks:

This should tell you just how lopsided this contest was- with nine (count 'em) points and no #1 votes, Lenny Welch with Since I Fell For You, the national #13.

At number three, with a slightly more respectable 12 points and the # 1 vote of WLS, Robin Ward and a song I had forgotten about, Wonderful Summer, the national #15.  Get the feeling the stations are ignoring the national chart?

At number two, also with one #1 vote (Denver) and 27 points, The Kingsmen and Louie Louie, the national #8.

Now that leaves us a bit of a #1 vote gap.  That was filled by non-final four songs As Long As I Know He's Mine by the Marvellettes (Detroit), Long Tall Texan by Murry Kellum (the KOMA kids), and Tommy Roe's Everybody (Kansas City).  But the number one... both here and nationally...stay tuned.


Bottom's Up was a bit slow this week.  The only songs in the Cold 60 I knew were Roy Orbison's Mean Woman Blues (42 and dropping after 13 weeks), The Trashmen with the amazingly annoying ( though not as bad as Long Tall Texan) Surfing Bird, debuting at #80, and Jan and Dean's Drag City at #81 after 2 weeks.  But to make it up to you, here's one of the Martin Ten I haven't shared yet.  Debuting this week is the actual second single from ELO's All Alone In The Universe:


Okay, I suspect that you might have a clue on our clue answer- they all charted with versions of the song in question.  Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians (#9), Jimmy Dorsey and his band (#2), Larry Clinton's Orchestra (the biggest version #1 for 9 weeks), Artie Shaw (#17), and Der Bingle (#14) all did it in 1939; Paul Weston's Orchestra, with vocals by the Norman Luboff Choir, did it in 1949 (#20); The Dominoes in 1957 (#20), and the Osmond siblings in 1975 (#14).  Now all you have to do is figure out WHAT song they all hit with.  Another clue- it was Babe Ruth's favorite song.

That should just about give it away, boys... er, and ladies...

So Shady made the mistake of making this comment last week:

1963 next week? You're getting warmer, good buddy. Keep heading in that direction. My favorite year is 1905.

Thus, without further doo-doo, here are the top ten songs of 1905:

Arthur Collins and Byron G. Harlan's Tammany was the 10th biggest hit.  These two were of a comedic bent, and many of their songs were what was called "Coon songs"- sung in the idiom of and making fun of African Americans.  In fact, this style was seemingly the only break from the operatic style singers who dominated the day.

The Haydn Quartet were at number nine with In The Shade Of The Old Apple Tree.  And again at #8, along with the sweet contralto of Corrine Morgan, on Dearie.

You will see a lot of repeat offenders on this list.  Out of the top 25 that year, four acts (including Collins with 7, Harlan with 4, and the Haydn Quartet with 4) had 20 of the positions.

#7 is the first of three straight by Billy Murray, an Irishman known as the "Denver Nightingale".  7 was Everybody Works But Father; #6 was Come Take A Trip In My Airship; and #5 was one of his many George M. Cohan tunes, Give My Regards To Broadway.  Murray took 7 of the top 25, and would have more in later years  both solo and as a member or guest of the Haydns and the Peerless Quartet.

Harlan took #4 solo with Where The Morning Glory Twines Around The Door.  Long titles, yes?  Just wait.  The flip side to our mysterious six degrees song was I've Been Carrying A Torch For You So Long That It Burned A Great Big Hole In My Heart- which held the record for longest flip side title until it was beaten by some nonsense that Prince put on the back of When Doves Cry, (Don't expect me to type that one out too!)

Billy Murray comes back for the next two- In My Merry Oldsmobile at #3 and another Cohan comp, Yankee Doodle Boy, at #2.

And number one is a song I mentioned before way back in the second incarnation of Time Machine somewhere, by Arthur Collins solo this time.  And this one is the biggest non-operatic hit of the first decade of the 20th century.  Which means of course, it's a "Coon song", called The Preacher And The Bear.  The Preacher goes out hunting and gets chased up a persimmon tree by the bear, which leads to the chorus:

Hey Lord, you delivered Daniel from the bottom of the lion's den
You delivered Jonah, from the belly of the whale and then,
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace so the good books do declare
Hey Lord, if you can't help me, for goodness sake don't help that bear!

And that was music in 1905.  Happy now?


Which brings us to this week's Martin Ten:

Jana Kramer holds on to her spot at #10 with the country single I Got The Boy.

The afore-heard single by ELO, When The Night Comes, gives Jeff Lynne two hits in this week's Ten, debuting at #9.

Sadly, somebody has to get out of the way, and it's the Apache Relay, with Katie Queen Of Tennessee dropping from 3 to 8.

Last week the Decemberists came in at #8 with a song you got to hear on the Wednesday post, The Wrong Year.  It moves up one spot to #7.

The yo-yo like career of World Party on the M10 is in descent once again, dropping a spot to 6 with Is It Like Today.

And moving up two spots to #5 is Avril Lavigne:

And coming in at #4, Alvvays with Archie Marry Me.  The band (which spells it with 2 v's to avoid copyright issues but still pronounces it "always", was asked in an interview if there was really an Archie...

Molly Rankin: Archie is one of our closest friends from Cape Breton. His parents bred golden retrievers, and we made a path through the woods to get to his house so we could play with them every day. He’s a geologist in Halifax, Nova Scotia now. We have a picture on our fridge of him smoking a cigarette at age five. 

And it is at #4 that Alvvays debuts this week.

ELO continues One Step At A Time, this week up to #3.

The former number one from Beach House Traveller, remains at #2 this week.

Which means, it's number ones time!

On the M10...

... for a second week, Silversun Pickups and Nightlight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, the big winner on the Panel Four....

...the Singing Nun with a favorite of my Dad's, Dominique!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And finally, what is the song that so many other people did, that had the long named b-side (which was actually the a-side, I can't imagine WHY djs played the other side!), but got no panel votes this week?

Why it was the national #3, Nino Tempo and April Stevens with Deep Purple!!!!

1973 next week Nixon fans!  Till then, see you later!


  1. Hi, Chris!

    1905 was berry berry good to me. (So was 1963, except for the Kennedy assassination, of course.)

    A couple of years ago I posted about Robin Ward's single "Wonderful Summer" which was on the chart when the assassination took place. The gist of my post was as follows. "Wonderful Summer" and its link to one of the darkest days in American history, marked the unofficial end of "The Fifties" and the end of The Age of Innocence in America. Within a couple of weeks, The Kingsmen were climbing the chart with their rowdy (and allegedly dirty) ditty "Louie Louie," signaling a fundamental change in the pop music landscape. Then came The Beatles to complete the transformation and usher in what is commonly referred to as "The Sixties."

    Thanks for going to all the trouble to research the hit parade of 1905, good buddy. It's too bad that so many Coon Songs were popular at the time. However, I am happy to learn that Bill Murray had a successful recording career prior to joining the cast of SNL. :) Also, just to provide the correct song title, your text should read: "The Haydn Quartet were at number nine with In The SHADY Of The Old Apple Tree." :)

    You asked:

    What do Artie Shaw, the Norman Luboff Choir, Donnie and Marie Osmond, Jimmy Dorsey, Billy Wood and the Dominoes, Larry Clinton, Guy Lombardo, Bing Crosby, and Paul Weston all have in common? >>

    I know this one! They made up the panel of judges on the first season of Dancing with the Stars. David Hasselhoff emerged as Grand Champion that year. :)

    << WIBG Philadelphia >> Go Wibbage!!!

    I'll tell you the truth, Chris. Becoming a frequent flier on your Time Machine has allowed me to open my mind and embrace soft rock and pop to a greater extent. I enjoyed your two Wednesday offerings and I enjoyed Jeff Lynne's ELO and the Avril Lavigne's song. I realize that it's harder to swim upstream, meaning that it is less likely that I can convert you into a fan of the hard rock and metal that I occasionally present, but you can't blame a guy for trying.

    I have Nino Tempo and April Stevens coming up in a Banned Battle in early January.

    I'm not a Nixon fan by any stretch of the imagination, good buddy, but our friendship is important to me and therefore I will show up for you next week and try to focus on the music. Fair enough?

    Thanks, Chris!

    1. Very good look at the defining moments there. I always thought the switch from the 60's to the 70's was well preserved in the two #1s on either side- Someday We'll Be Together ending 69 and Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head kicking off 70.

      We actually listened to the Apple Tree song on the Library of Congress site... sorry, no "Shady". ;(

      Oh, didn't you hear? The Hoff is "legally removing" the Hassle from his name. I think it was for an ad campaign.

      I wouldn't say I am resistant to heavy metal. There are a lot of songs I like, including one of the ones on your last posting of them. I forget which, but you prolly remember what I said. But for me, I've got to feel it at a "tear up" level to REALLY enjoy it. In other words, you would see them on my chart were I doing a top 20 or 30... and that might be a retirement hobby-level task.

      I spent many a night at the "party woods" with Van Halen and Ozzie echoing through the trees. And I do enjoy the operatic vocal-against- goth myth rock of Alkonost. But, yeah, the mellower stuff will always rise to the top.

      Can't wait for your banned battle! I always pick up such good tunage there.

      As for the Nixon, I only bring it up because the news lead in tends towards him in the 1973-4 era. I know I have "less chance of converting you into a fan, but you can't blame a guy for trying"!

    2. << I always thought the switch from the 60's to the 70's was well preserved in the two #1s on either side- Someday We'll Be Together ending 69 and Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head kicking off 70. >>

      I won't argue with that, Chris, but, in some circles, "The Seventies" is divided almost in half, just like "The Sixties" tends to be - another decade with a split personality. "Raindrops Keep Fallin'" is typical of the type of music that was popular, not only at the beginning of the decade, but for at least 3 years until "The Seventies" became more associated with and defined by Disco from 1974-1979.

      Yes, I read that Hasselhoff is shortening and simplifying his name. IMO, he's taking an unnecessary risk. As Knight Rider's K.I.T.T. car would warn, "MICHAEL... LOOK OUT!"

      Re: Nixon, you wrote:

      << I know I have "less chance of converting you into a fan, but you can't blame a guy for trying"! >>

      Good one! I admired his foreign policy achievements. I'm willing to concede that much.

      Thanks again, Chris!

  2. Now I'm confused. That had to be the weirdest time machine trip yet. It was downright surrealistic.

    Now I wish I were a baby again. Ah, the good ol' days.

    Arlee Bird
    Wrote By Rote

    1. What a great compliment! I have done my job!!

    2. What? Reduced me to a blathering slobbery little baby? You should bottle that formula--I'm sure a lot of folks would like that right now. Goo goo.

      Arlee Bird
      Wrote By Rote

  3. Getting kicked out of a racist haters club doesn't bode well for making friends, enemies, or scoring with babes. Too bad Malcolm X still made a name for himself.

    And you - such a cute boy, then and now. Smiles.

  4. My 7th grade teacher played the guitar. Somehow, she wasn't too amused when we called her the "Singing Nun."
    Knuckles, please, mister!

    1. Considering how the Singing Nun turned out, I can't blame her...

  5. Chris:
    You were quite the hellion, hmm?(

    --also seems we traded Malcolm X's rhetoric for "Calypso Louie"...some things never change.
    --The Oswald meme - thank God I never have THAT much time on my hands...LOL.

    --I remember the resurgence in SURFIN BIRD from that Family Guy ep, but I could not remember WHO wrote that bugger (that I find wonderfully annoying, especially in MONO!
    --I like that ELO song...give it a 75 (not really a dance number)

    --I did not know that ALL those people did Ruth's favorite song, but that tune makes perfect sense - a classic!
    The orchestral version are the ones I prefer, because we don't have "torch" singers the way we USED to.

    --Love that 1905 "top ten"...and I actually HAVE heard of a couple...not that I was really THERE...(or was I?)

    --The Singing Nun v. Silversun Pickups?
    (match-up made someplace other than HEAVEN?)
    Nixon next week? 1973 - should be "fun"

    Hang in there, Jana...!

    Good ride this week. no wind-shears at all.
    Keep on rockin' up there, brother.

    1. It was the actual composer of Deep Purple whose presence was demanded at every Ruthian birthday party.

      If you want danceable ELO, that would be Discovery (or as they called it in the day: Disco? Very!).

      I need to ween you off Jana and onto Molly Rankin...