Martin World News

Breaking News!!!!!!

One of these three men is the cause of all our problems...
Two of these three men are the epitome of A-Hole.
Three of these three men will NOT be featured here today.


Because, like all of you, I have said my piece and am sick of the whole thing.  Therefore I shall not comment further on politics for the nonce- if THEY can promise not to piss me off for a while.


Instead- and it was a challenge finding some- lets look at the news that MWN is known for.

ITEM: A family in Florida made the huge mistake of emptying their pool for the season.  Why was this a mistake?
"Because in Florida, the season never ends?"
Well, maybe; but THIS is why it was a mistake:

You see, the groundwater BELOW their pool pushed it OUT of the ground!  And guess what?  Insurance says that this is something their policy specifically states is not covered.  I'm thinking I leave it full year 'round... and get the place on the market before the inevitable sinkhole takes it all down..

ITEM: That pesky problem of culling wild animals in Europe has raised it's head again, this time in the UK.  Apparently being hounded by this creature-

-known as a badger.  The cull, which was supposed to wipe out 70% of the badgers over a six week period- in order to prevent the spread of TB from the badgers to cattle- fell a little short, and had pols trying to explain what happened.

Environment Secretary Owen Paterson ... explained difficulties lay in the fact the operation was dealing with a feral animal.

"The badgers moved the goalposts. We're dealing with a wild animal, subject to the vagaries of the weather and disease and breeding patterns," he said.

Which is pol-speak for, we messed up the estimates.  This only went further to enrage the opponants of the cull, which included Queen guitarist Brian May:


... Queen guitarist Brian May, a leading opponent of the cull, branded the approach an "utter failure" and described the application for an extension as a "farce".

"It's a failure because they said they had to cull 70% and they failed to do that. They are now applying for an extension," he said.

"This is becoming a farce. They are now being told that probably the prevalence (of TB) has increased in badgers already.

"They were warned this would happen and they did not listen to the scientists."


One assumes that they will keep trying to wipe out that other ten percent, and Brian May will continue to.. er, badger them over it.

ITEM: How about this one- what is the proper way to let the captain of your flight know you are displeased?

Well, this gentleman on a flight from Manchester to Malta, got out of the plane, stripped naked, and challenged the captain to a fight.  His lady friend, with her back to the camera, achieved premature altercation by slapping Mr. Natural across the face, which humiliated him sufficiently to get him to re-dress.  Not happy yet, though, he peed on a nearby building before quick arriving police put an end to his adventure with a taser.  Betcha he was glad to be dressed again when THAT happened...

ITEM: Meanwhile in Queensland, Australia, the police academy has had to make its training obstacle course easier, adding soft pads to land on, cutting their almost 10-foot chain link fence to not quite 6 feet, and numerous other adjustments.  This on the heels of too many applicants filing suit for injuries incurred while taking the course.  In the last 3 years, 21 cops have claimed $120,000 in injury benefits due to their lack of ability on the course.

Dozens more police were injured while conducting other training drills, including one officer who complained he received a shock during Taser training and another who tripped and rolled an ankle walking to the gym.
Recoil injuries during firearms training, falling down during "arrest" training and dog bites attracted compensation of up to $9000.
Police also claimed compensation for tripping down wet stairs at the police academy ($2838) and an officer who "fell over an offender" was paid $16,929.80.


These are not your father's rough-tough officers of the law, apparently...

ITEM: Boy, those whacky communists over in China...

 

They hosted the 2013 Miss Bikini Universe pageant!  They had plenty of pictures on the contest, which ended August 6th, but the only thing I could find out about the contest itself was, "A Slovak girl won".  Of course, do we really remember much else?

ITEM:  United Russia (the Russian version of the GOP) deputy (Russia's version of a congressman) Andrei Isayev (Russia's version of Ted Kennedy) got into a bit of hot water when he and an aide boarded an Aeroflot flight in an apparent state of intoxication (Russia's version of "being sh!t-faced").

In true American fashion, Isayev claimed it was only his aide who was SFed, and had went off after being booted from first class.  Unfortunately, the dynamic duo did their derrings-do in front of one  Ilya Perekopsky, the deputy chief of social network VKontakte (The Russian version of twitter).  So now, the aide is paying a 100 ruble ($3, if you can believe that) fine, Perekopsky is spreading the wonderful details far and wide, and United Russia will be calling Isayev onto the carpet, to wit:

The incident with Andrei Isayev is extremely unpleasant for us," the secretary of the party's general council, Sergei Neverov, said. "Now we are going to ask him to give explanations."
"This incident shall not pass without serious reaction from the party," he added.

I think his "reaction from the party" was the problem in the first place.

ITEM: Finally, a museum in Muenster, Germany is celebrating the connection between sex and evolution- with a whole lot of things like this:

Dr Jan Ole Kriegs, who is behind the exhibition, said: “Sex is an expensive luxury for nature, taking up a lot of energy, but it also provides the greatest genetic diversity.” Bacteria, for example, reproduce asexually and therefore have failed to evolve.  And yet, they manage to change just enough to beat our newest drugs time and again.  Maybe you should try another example...

Designed with students from Münster College, it also includes models of Neanderthals which were painstakingly put together by artist Lisa Büscher.

Kriegs described the two Neanderthal models as “not thoroughly unattractive.”

One of the exhibits: a sperm whale penis.  Apparently Dr.Kriegs finds it "not thoroughly unattaractive" as well.