Martin World News: Headline only edition

It struck me as I looked at today's headlines on FoxNews, that it only takes a little warping of the mind anymore to get cheap laughs out of normal, everyday headlines.  Because really, this world has already fallen over the edge and we're all just waiting for the crash to notice it.  So step out of your serious mode, assume the Mind of Martin (and if you have to chuckle at that one, you'll really like this post) and let's look at the news...


- Massive Pile Of Fake North Korean Money Found In South.

So do you think this was a load of counterfeit money about to be sent North in an attempt to destabilize what they laughingly refer to an an economy; or was this Kim Jong-Un trying to destabilize the South- and forgetting to make the fakes SOUTH Korean money?  Frankly, the latter makes more sense.

- 600,000 Sign California Initiative To Legalize Pot

You mean it isn't now?  Man, there goes my explanation for the last 50 years of California history.  More on this subject later.

- Bee Venom Found To Have Major Beauty Benefit

"God, YES!  Make me BEAUTIFUL!"

-Jack Russell Terrier Spotted In Life Vest After Spending Several Hours At Sea

Who puts a life vest on a dog?  People who fail to pay attention, apparently.

-Girl Makes Gut Wrenching Find In Wendy's Soda

Let me guess.  Calories?  Artificial sweeteners?  I know... too much ice!

-America's #3 Killer Is Medical Errors, Study Finds

In India, they're #2 after selfies, and just ahead of driving a meat truck in a Hindu neighborhood.

- JFK's Secret Service Reveals President's Odd Request

"Whatever you do, TAKE THE BULLET!!!"


_____________________________

Now, I found all that just on the Fox page.  Is it my mind, or their editing?  So I went to other news sources to see if I would be amused there.  And as it doesn't take much to amuse me, here's what I found:

From the BBC:

- "Hope She Was Worth It"

Here, I had to actually look at the story.  1,000 words, meet picture:

- Kenya 'Gay Anal Tests' Challenged

From CNN:

-Buzz Grows For Kaine On Clinton Ticket

Oh, that should help with the California vote...


-NFLers Warned About Foreign Meat

Not on the night before a game, guys!

-Historian:  What Would Jefferson Think Of Trump

"I think he's a dumb honkey, Weezie!"

- MMA Fighter Dies In Hit-And-Run Accident

How's that one for irony...

-Caitlyn Jenner To Pose Nude For SI

Well, I guess Playboy won't do it anymore.  Playgirl either, I suppose...

From the Moscow Times:

- Volunteer Cops To Raid Moscow Beaches

I can't imagine that a) there's just a lot of good beaches in Moscow, and b) that they'd get a lot of volunteers.  Now, if it was the beach at Sochi...

...sign me up!


From China's Xinhua:

-Fiji Launches Monkey Themed Stamp To Mark Chinese New Year

(Note, you gotta pretend you don't know anything about Chinese New Year to get the possible problem here...)

From the Japan Times:

-20% Of Japanese Men In 20's Did Not Eat Rice In One Month Period: Survey

And finally, from HuffPo:

- Why It's More Important To Get Dollars Into Black Hands

My first thought:

...'cause he's got a gun...


Okay, so this isn't the most PC post you'll ever see.  But that's okay, because the Trump Era began last night, so we're all racist now! (at least, I saw a headline to that effect...)