Time Machine- The BIG EVENT!

It's here!  It's here!  And now, your hosts...

Wayne:  Hi, everyone, and welcome to the BIG celebration! 500 overall music posts, the same week as the M10's third anniversary!

Elvis:  Yeah, an' I baked the cake, man!  What kinda show do we got here, shorty?

W:  'Shorty'?  Ahem, well, we have a lot of neat treats, including the mighty Reverse Beauty Contest, and...

E:  Hold on... 'Reverse' Beauty Contest'?  What's that mean?

W:  It means the lovely Laurie will be doing her Beauty Contest, with guys instead of girls, and...

E:  Guys?  Why would anybody wanna...

W: Um, girls look too, King...

E: Yeah, they look at ME....

W:  Yeah, but you didn't make LAURIE's list..

E: I'll have to have a talk with that crazy chick.  So who'd she pick?

W:  Well, she picked a top ten, then a final four, then a winner.  How about you intro the six gents that missed the second round?

E: Sure, gimme the list.  So here is the bottom six, in no particular order...

Andy Gibb- he was supposed to be the President of Time Machine this week, but he got crowded out by you 'n' me, Shorty.  Looks like he got crowded out here too, hah!

Andy Williams- What the hey?  All he ever does is do other people's songs...

W:  You and I have been known to do that too, Chubbo.  Anyway, next up is...

...Andy's Brother Barry.  You wouldn't think a man that rugged looking could hit those high notes!  Maybe it's the tight pants...

E:  Believe me, that ain't it... Who's this Mama's boy she's got next?

W:  That's Davy Jones from the Monkees.  Chris said she was a little uncomfortable about picking these younger boys, felt like she was 'cradle robbing'...

E:  No foolin...

W: But, King, this is a non-time continuity, she can be as young as they are when she picks them..

E: Non Time WHAT?  This stuff makes my head hurt...  So this next guy...

...this is Lionel Richie.  Sung with an outfit called the Commodores.  From Vanderbilt?

W:  Tuskegee, actually.  Next up, she had...

E: Hey, that's little Ricky Nelson!  How old is this Laurie chick, anyway?

W:  Does it matter?  Non-Time, remember?  So that's the ones that don't move forward.  Later, we'll reveal the top four, and see if our audience can figure out who her #1 was.  Next up, it's the Panel Picks.

E: Yeah, he couldn't find a lot of charts for 1955.  I think he was just lazy.  So he took two local charts, combined it with the Cashbox chart, the Billboard sales, jocks, and jukebox charts, and jammed them all together, and got a big freaking mess!

W:  What you MEAN, Elvis, is that it gave a total of 30 contestants, some of which were the same songs by multiple artists.  So rather than mess with the whole bunch, he suggested we give you the top ten, and let you guess who won from there!  You wanna start this off, Chubbo, or are you too busy loosening your belt?

E:  Me an' you are gonna come to words before this is all over.  Let me see that list.  Okay, here we go...

Number ten..

...Les Paul n' Mary Ford with Hummingbird.  The Chordettes also got a vote fer that one.

Number nine...

...Les Baxter an' his ugly dog with Unchained Melody...

W:  It's "and his orchestra", and his dog is cute!  Number eight is...

...Nat King Cole with A Blossom Fell!  I'm surprised Laurie didn't have him on her list...

E:  What is she, Gran'ma Moses?  Number seven is my good buddy...

... Frank Sinatra an' Learnin' The Blues!  Number six- AND Number four...

Mitch Miller at six...

...an' Johnny Desmond at 4 with Yella Rose A' Texas!

W:  Elvis, we are big idiots!  We are supposed to let the people guess who the top one is, and we've numbered off over half of them!

E: Aw, who gives a hang, Shorty?  'Ceptin' You...

W:  Okay, Ive had enough!  You think you're so big, I'll bet you I had bigger hits than you did when we were both on the charts!

E:  Hey, settle down now, lil' Shorty!  You know that ain't gonna come out good fer you...

Okay, guys, I was prepared for this, sorta.  I came up with a list of the times you were both on the chart at the same time, and who finished higher...

W:  Well, maybe I spoke too soon... but he's SO irritating...

I know what you mean...

E:  I tell ya what.  I'll give Shorty 10 spots a song, I bet I still beat him.  You man enough?

W:  (ULP) Uh, sure...

All right, let me gather up the list...

First time, no particular order:  Elvis' Burning Love;  Wayne's Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast.
Both songs, #1 on Cashbox.
E: A tie...
W: No, YOU gave me ten spots!  I won that one!
Wayne leads 1-0.  Next, Elvis, Devil In Disguise, Wayne, Danke Schoen.
Elvis #3, Wayne #12.  With Wayne's handicap, that's 2-0.
W: YEAH! YES YES YES!
Next, Elvis' Do The Clam, Wayne's Red Roses For a Blue Lady.
Elvis #16, Wayne #11- BUT that's old enough that CB combined it with Vic Dana's version.  I call that one a wash.
W: NO!  That's 3-0...
E: Clam up, Shorty, judge says it's no good.
Elvis, Burning Love again, Wayne, Can't You Hear The Song.
Elvis was #1, Wayne #40. 2-1.
W:  No!  That shouldn't count, he's using the same song twice...
E: Not my fault mine stayed on the chart longer... well, yeah it is..
Elvis, Crying In The Chapel, Wayne, I'll Be With You In Apple Blossom Time.
Elvis #4, Wayne #77.  2-2.
E: Did you EVEN try, Shorty?
Elvis, Bossa Nova Baby, Wayne, Shirl Girl.  Elvis #8, Wayne #74.
W: @#(&&%$!!
Elvis, Let Yourself Go...
W: He sure did...
...and Wayne, Dreams Of The Everyday Housewife.  Elvis #55, Wayne #58.  3-2 Wayne.
W: Whew!
Elvis, Separate Ways, Wayne, Anthem.  Elvis #15, Wayne, #45.  3-3.
Elivs, I'm Yours, Wayne, Remember When.  Elvis #9, Wayne, #87.  Elvis takes the lead.
E: Hey Shorty, 'Remember When' you were winnin'?
Elvis, the Tickle Me ep.  Wayne, Summer Wind.  Elvis #71, Wayne #86.
W: I protest!  His wasn't a single, it was three!
True that.  Wayne gets the judgment. 4-4.
E: Now, hold on, son...
Remember this moment the next time you decide to seduce one of my guests, big guy.  Elvis, One Broken Heart For Sale, Wayne, Heart.  Elvis #10, Wayne #52, even with it being combined with Kenny Chandler.  But since we voided the last time that happened, we have to do it again to be fair.  So it remains 4-4, and there's one pair left...
W: Here we go...
Elvis, Spinout, Wayne, Games That Lovers Play.  Elvis, #32, Wayne...
W: Come on, come on...
...#108.
E: HAH!  I win, shorty! Good match!
(Shake hands)

Now could you guys finish what you were doing... Oh, wait, you were screwing up weren't you?  So folks, here's the choices to vote on.  Pick from Pat Boone's Ain't That A Shame, Giselle McKenzie's Hard To Get, Bill Haley's Rock Around The Clock, and Boyd Bennett and the Rockets with Seventeen.  You guys think you can handle Laurie's Final Four?

W: Sure.  Let's see... she has...

...David Cassidy...

...David Gates from Bread...

E:  What, he makes samwiches?  Lemmee do the rest.

This here's Mike Love from the Beach Boys...

...an' that there is Mac Davis.  Bet I know which one she picked!


W: Not really fair, I think, to let bare chested men on her Beauty Contest when we can't have girls dressed like that on the real Beauty Contest...

E: Oh, you're just burnt cause you don' look good shirtless like me 'n' Mac...

W: Well, that's just because SOME of us have a little dignity...
Not to mention when you Google "Wayne Newton bare chested," the first bare chest pic you get is a teenaged Elvis...
E:  Hee hee..

W: How about we go to the debut on the M10 this week?

Sure.  I had a battle here for the #10 spot between two previous M10ers, but the winner goes to this act, who's been here twice before...





And now, boys, we better wrap this all up, we are running way long here!


W: So now it's time for your personal countdown, the M10, which I had a #3 hit on...

E: Yeah, well I was on the very First one, three years ago...

W: So now it's time to see who's on it now.

E: AND who was on it back in August of 2015!

W:  So you heard the song that's at #10 now... back then it was Angel Deradoorian with Expanding Flower Planet- which Chris cleverly used on the post announcing his upcoming  (and now almost 2) grandbaby, "Expanding Martin Planet".

E:  Back then, American Idol's Adam Lambert was at #9 with Ghost Town... now it's that foxy Star Kendrick and Geowulf with Sunday... fallin' a bunch to #9, 7 weeks on the chart.

W:  Back then. '60s stars the Cyrkle were at #8 with The Visit... this week we have Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears and Nature's Natural, down from 5 after 8 weeks.

E:  That name sounds like some ol' blues band from the hills, but they are BURNT!  At #7 back then was 16 Horsepower with Black Soul Choir... Now, number seven is another addict tune, Addiction by the band Player.  Say, this ain't becomin' a bad neighborhood, is it?

W: No, big buddy, it's a very good neighborhood.  Back then, it was a band called Saint Asonia with the tune Leaving Minnesota... now, it's ol' Gilbert O'Sullivan with The Same The Whole World Over... and it's same the next week over, two weeks at six.

E: And I was at #5 back then with If I Can Dream... an' this week Jim Croce slides to #5 with Lover's Cross.

W:  Three years ago, the number four was Weezer's Island In The Sun- I loved that video of the wedding!  This year, number four is Kidsmoke, 4's across the board with Patterns.

E:  At #3, NRBQ was Ridin' In My Car... this year, it's Dorothy with Ain't Our Time To Die, zoomin' up 7 notches with a bullet!

W: And in 2015 #2 was King Harvest with Vaea... now, it's ELO up 5 with Buildings Have Eyes!

E:  An' now, it's time for the Big Reveals!  Who wins the Reverse Beauty Contest?  Hand me the envelope, Shor... I mean, Wayne...

W:  Here ya go!

RIIIP  E: the winner is....

...the shirtless guy!  I told ya it would be!

At this point, I am legally required to read this; "I, Laurie Easterday, did NOT, despite appearances, pick Mac Davis because he wasn't wearing a shirt."

E: ...'but it helped'!  Haw Haw!

W: (Snickers...)  Three years ago the first M10 #1 was Status Quo's In The Army Now.  And the #1 on the M10- same as last week...

...the Jayhawks and Backwards Women!

E:  After leavin' me off the list, I think those guys was singin' about Laurie!

W:  Hey, that's not nice!  Chris, aren't you going to defend her?

I didn't make her list either...

E: Can't blame 'er there.  Lookit yer belly!

Compare it to you in '77, Chubbo...

W: Hey, let's give the winner of the Panel vote!  By a 197-192 score...

...Bill Haley and his Comets with Rock Around The Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that's it!  Thanks, guys!  And next week is a vacation week, no Time Machine, but an M10 update, so see ya then!



POSTSCRIPT:  In the buffet...

W:  Did you notice that Chris forgot to mark up one of your wins in our little contest?

E:  Yeah, but who cares?  It made it more exicting.  He can't count anyway.  I was lookin' over his shoulder- the M10 isn't three for another two weeks...

W:  Really?

E:  Yeah.  August 28th, 2015.  Poor $#!t's losin' his fool mind!

W:  Wow... maybe we should do somethin' nice for him...

E: HAH!  You see all the people he invited to this thing?  We already did somethin' nice for him- we didn't tell anyone...

W:  Yeah, I guess you're right.  Buy you a Pepsi?

E:  Sure, make it a Zero Sugar...