Newspage Go!

On a day more than one of us could use a good laugh.  Now mind you, I'm gonna bend the rules a bit- the best one came in the US MAIL- but I hope you get the chuckles out of these headlines that I did.

Item 1- Fox News

This is one of a pair of headlines that made me sit up and blink:

Harley-Davidson goes green with their first electric motorcycle

An electric motorcycle from a brand that used to pass out t-shirts saying, "My Harley doesn't leak oil- it marks my spot"?  Now, I knew they were in a bit of a hurt, but can you imagine any Harley biker of the Old School wanting to be caught dead on a "green" bike?  "Yeah, man, like I'm trying to save the planet before we run outta weed, man..."


ITEM 2- again, Fox News

Remember when you could be stupid in the privacy of your own home by just eating Tide pods?

People are stapling bread to trees and sharing the photos on Reddit

Yep.  This is a new thing.  Just do do something random.  Oh, and by the way, show the part of the world who struggles for enough to eat creative ways to waste what we have.


Item 3- BBC

Apparently the manufacturer of Juul e-cigs is involved in some odd child abuse:

E-cig boss says sorry to parents over child vaping

Now, I'm not into vaping, but I would think trying to fit children into something the size of a cigarette might be a bit difficult.  But, anything to get on Jackass, I guess.


Item 4- again, BBC

Here's one that I had a pretty good gag to use on it, but the first line from the actual article left me in the dust.


How Norway turns criminals into good neighbours


My gag:

Force-feed all prisoners that stinky fermented fish crap they all love so much- I know it would keep ME outta jail!

First line of the article:  Remember, this is how we turn prisoners into good neighbors:

"OK, and now put your big toes together and put your bum behind you!" calls the enthusiastic yoga instructor in English to the 20 or so participants who are shuffling into child's pose on rubber mats spread out on the grass in the faint early morning sunshine.  "Can you feel the stretch?" 


Item 5- Moscow Times

So, what kind of crime can a 75- year-old man get arrested for in Russia?  Well, here's one...

Nixon Fan Detained in Russia for Installing Plaque to U.S. President

Unfortunately, the local constabulary wasn't so grateful, and hauled him in- seems he had tried to get a permit and was denied, and put it up anyway, meriting a jail trip for unlawful assembly.  But the BEST part of this story actually came a little farther into the article...


Local lore claims that Nixon had spent his teens in the small town, where his parents had allegedly worked, in the mid-to-late 1920s.


Talk about election interference...


Item 6- again, Moscow Times

This one definitely falls under the, "you'd think they have bigger things to worry about" file...

Russian Communists Call to Ban Georgian Khinkali and Khachapuri

And what is that, you ask, and why do they want to ban them?  Well....

... the second one is essentially Georgian cheesy bread, and the other is a Georgian dumpling.  And Muscovites love them!  There are several restaurants in Moscow that serve them.  But they use the Georgian name for them, instead of changing them to the Russian  pelmeni and  pyshki.

Solution:  Learn American English, call them "cheesy bread" and "dumplings".  Leave it to socialists to make a big deal out of something with a simple solution.  After all, you don't hear US complain about...

Sarcasticus interruptus: I found what looked like a good one on the Jerusalem Post, but each attempt to peruse the article led to an attempt to "sell me fraudulent IT help" by something claiming to be related to Amazon, and being shut down by my anti-virus.  Clean up your act, JP, if you wanna get yer headlines here!

Which, of course, makes this headline from the Japan Times rather amusing...

U.S. education chief Betsy DeVos: Efforts to boycott Israel are 'pernicious threat'

Efforts to read their paper is a bit pernicious as well, apparently...


So, let's say the Japan Times saved the day on what we'll go ahead and call Item 7, and we'll give them a second shot with Item 8, with what might well be the worst selling point in vacation history:

A weekend in Kamaishi and Iwate: Educate yourself in natural disaster


Which reminds me I should still tell you about that ill-fated Saturday walk sometime...


Item 9- Deutsche Welle

And here with some perfect economic sense...

China growing at slowest pace in decades not a sign of weakness

Geez, I'd hate to see weakness, then...


But let me now round things out with the long-awaited Item 10.  Now mind you, I realize what this is actually trying to say, and I'm sure Chuck Swindoll, jolly pastor that he is, would get a chuckle right with me out of it.  Here's what he sent me in the mail today...

Wow, only been 40 years since the Lord ascended into heaven?  Doesn't seem a day over 2,000....