Martin World News- critiquing the headlines

So today I thought I would stick to the headlines, and see what humor I can mine from them.  Let's start with-


CNN

#1: Social distance, please, I don't want to be hit by that lightning bolt

Headline:  Opinion: God has a lot to answer for during this pandemic

Arnold M Eisen may well be "one of the world's foremost authorities on American Judaism", but methinks his expertise in the Book of Job might be wanting...


#2:  What's wrong with this picture headline

Headline:  A man who wore a watermelon on his head while stealing from a convenience store has been arrested

Now, even if the HL writer didn't bother with the article, they might have wanted to check the picture just above it...

Yeah, that should have been "MEN have been arrested...."


#3: This could have been spaced out better....

Headline: Your car knows secrets about you. Here's how to protect yourself


And I sure hope the answer wasn't, "Call an Uber," because just beneath this link....


Uber has now cut 25% of its staff during coronavirus pandemic





FoxNews: I guess their HL writers don't read the article, either

Headline: Fort Worth cockfighting event raided by police over coronavirus concerns, report says

First thought:  I was under the impression that cockfighting was illegal BEFORE coronavirus...

Further examination:  The article itself never mentions coronavirus... OR a 'report'.


BBC:  Y'know what your problem is?

Your problem, BBC, is that the thoughtful headlines you see in your articles themselves sometimes don't match the front page link headline- and maybe they should.  For example, here is the in-article headline...

How offices will change after coronavirus

Good question.  Makes people think.  HOWever, the headline on the front page link....

How coronavirus will change offices

Makes me ask, "When did coronavirus get an office?"


And finally, Australia's News.AU- What is it with sport and sex?

There are two headlines in this genre I saw- one for the second time- that made me ask this question.

#1: Karl loses it over AFL ‘bonking ban’

In this article, host Karl Stefanovic busted up trying to introduce a panel discussion about how the Australian Rules Football League has banned players from, well, playing around once the season re-starts soon to keep that nasty virus- no, I mean COVID- from sweeping the league.  Poor Karl did as professional job as he could, but...

“AFL players have been told no more bonking,” he said before needing to take a quick pause.

“It’s a very difficult world for me to say with any kind of credibility.”

“I feel a little bit sorry for them. These poor guys have been locked away for the last 17 weeks and then they come back and they play footy and it’s like, ‘Oh my god, what are they supposed to do’. “


Well, they could look into the next story....

#2:  South Korean football club FC Seoul apologise after being accused of putting ‘sex dolls’ in empty seats

The club said that they were assured multiple times by the manufacturers that the 'fans', put into the stands to 'liven-up' a fan-less contest, were NOT in fact sex dolls.  However....

"The club’s statement didn’t directly address criticism of why it chose to work with Dalkom, which does manufacture sex dolls, according to the company’s website, or why nearly all the mannequins at the stadium were female in design.

Korean news website Koreaboo also shared that the dolls were also holding advertising boards advertising adult content live streamers..."


Uh-huh.