So hey, this is Jim Peterik of the Ides of March, and I've been kidnapped by this funny bald guy and a dude that claims he's Elvis! I know you probably think I'm in some drug dream, but I don't do 'em... and I think I'm in a Time Machine... Listen, someone's coming, if you can hear me GET HELP!
...and you let him loose without explaining what's going on, and he's somewhere in the Tardis?
Elvis: Boss, he was slippery!
Nardole: And you were eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich with one hand...
EP: Hey, linin' up guests is hungry work!
All right you two, go find him while I get the show going! AHEM. Welcome to May 14th, 1971! In our news today, Anwar Sadat of Egypt does some housecleaning in his government, after he discovered a coup attempt on him- or to put it another way, he decided to kick the old Nasser-ists out and give up on the USSR as a productive ally; 37 members of the Honduran Honor Guard died from eating fruit sprayed with parathion; and the Pope sent out a letter which, in addition to other things, put the Church into the Ecology business. In the meantime, we arrive with guest Jim Peterik from the Ides Of March... SOMEwhere in the musical Tardis; a hot Panel race- for second place; I hope Horace will agree to do another of his wonderful 6 Degrees... and-
(BANG! Crash! "Oh, crap!")
-uh-oh, I better put you all on pause and find out what the dynamic duo broke this time....
Hey, Jim Peterik again! If any of you out there know which buttons to push to get outta here, let me know! Let me try this one...
(Click) Debut at #7 , week of 5-12-2021. From EP Legendary, 2015. Song, Legendary. Act, POWERS...
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...I swear, you two could screw up a... Hey, the show mike is back on, and the debut played! This is a disaster!
N: Sir, there is no way that that video could've played on its own...
And yet, it did. Folks, I'm sorry about this. I'm going to help my crack staff find Jim, and in the meantime, Horace, please do your 6D, and don't let any invisible imaginary people mess with the board...
E: Other than ourselves, that is...
Horace Bellbottom (attorney for Time Machine, LLC): Very well then, let us assay a chain of interesting tidbits about our highest charting song without a Panel vote.
This is, er, Charlie Farquharson, the news anchor from a TV show called, er, Hee Haw. His real name was Don Harron, and he was married to one Catherine McKinnon, a fellow Canadian and a folk singer who was a member of the cast of a musical program called Singalong Jubilee. One of the popular acts on this show was future star Anne Murray singing duets with a gentleman named Ken Tobias. A better writer than singer, Mr Tobias was hired on in that position by a recent guest of ours, Bill Medley of the Righteous Brothers. Among the songs he wrote was a hit he wrote for a band called the Bells, who at one time boasted among their membership a pianist by the name of Frank Mills, who made a name for himself later with a piece called Music Box Dancer. However, our attention is on the piece that Tobias wrote, a song called Stay Awhile, which this week was on the Cashbox chart at #4 without collecting a Panel... good heavens, whatever is that Racket?
Bang... Bang... BOOM!
Who, may I ask, are you?
Rocky: My name's Balboa... and I'm looking for a friend named Peterik...
HB: Arent we all...
JP: Excuse me, do I know you?
RB: Jim! Looking awful young...
That's because this is a Time Machine, and you haven't met yet! What's going on here? And before you all start, one at a time, please...
RB: I gotta message Jim got kidnapped by you guys...
Kidnapped?
JP: You mean this isn't a kidnapping?
EP: I tried to tell you, it's a music show, an' you's supposed ta be the guest!
RB: Hey, Elvis!
EP: Hey, Rocky!
Hey guys, it's getting late in the show and we haven't accomplished ANYthing! Could we possibly get the Panel picks in?
JP: What's that?
EP: Yer job, screwball! Now, here, read off the finalists so the people can guess who won this week's Panel!
JP: Okay, I guess... um, choose from:
Joy To The World by Three Dog Night, #1 on Cashbox this week...
Brown Sugar by the Rolling Stones, #7...
Put Your Hand In The Hand by Ocean, #2...
Never Can Say Goodbye by the Jackson Five, #3...
And the long shot, The Raiders and Indian Reservation at #89, in it's second week on the hot 100!
EP: Okay, so while they're all thinkin' 'bout that, here, you do the Overseas If You Please an' the big mover, Rocky!
RB: Duh, uh, okay. So the #1 song in Australia this week was Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin... England had Dave and Ansell Collins, whoever they were, with Double Barrel... New Zealand had the Hollies an' Too Young Ta Be Married...Canada had Joy To Da World... an' South Africa had Put Your Hand Inna Hand, but by Allan Garrity. The Big Mover went up 33 spots ta #23. That it?
EP: Dipstick, tell 'em what the SONG was!
RB: Superstar by Murray Head, okay? Don't yell at me, or I'll treat you like a block of frozen beef!
There is a certain similarity...
EP: Har-dee-har-har!
JP: I have no idea what's going on...
Stream of consciousness, music edition! Now if some of you would clear out...
EP: C'mon Rock, he means us. You too, Noodle!
RB: His name is Noodle?
EP: Only to his goodest friends... (door closes)
So Jim, I wanted to pay you back for all this insanity by letting you know just how successful a songwriter you became! I'm going to read off the 10 biggest hits written by Jim Peterik...
JP: Really? Cool!
Here we go:
10- You Wouldn't Listen, Ides Of March, #42 BB
9- Hold On Loosely, 38 Special, #27
8- I Can't Hold Back, Survivor, #13
7- Caught Up In You, 38 Special, #10
6- Is This Love, Survivor, #9
Tie 4- High On You and The Burning Heart, Survivor, #8
3- The Search Is Over (and how appropriate that is today!), Survivor, #4
2- Vehicle, Ides Of March, #2
And his #1 song...
1- Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor, #1!
JP: Wow, I did good!
Enjoy, 'cause when you leave, you forget it all up to today!
JP: Well, that sucks...
Life is like that! So here's the rest of the M10...
10- Maddie and Tae drop from 5 with Woman You Got.
9- Up one spot for Royal Blood and Oblivion.
8- Ditto for the Explorer's Club and Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy.
6- Ditto for Matthew Sweet and Challenge The Gods.
5- Down one for Evanesence and Broken Pieces Shine.
4- Up 2 for Major Murphy and Attention.
3- Holding, The Hardest Part, Overcoats and Tennis.
2- Down one, the three-week chart topper, Happy by Redspencer.
And the new #1, their second....
...Blackberry Smoke and Ain't The Same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And finally...
RB: Hey, Chris, Elvis says I can do the Panel winner!
Well, you're a little too big to argue with, so...
RB: Awright! Listen up, Adrienne!
If ya took da longshot by Raiders, ya got 5.6%, don' ask me how...
EP: Easy, Champ! You see, 6 goes inta...
RB: Shaddup, Sequins! if ya took The Good hands people, hee hee, ya got 7%...
The Jackson kids woulda gotcha 8.4%...
The Stones get ya 12.6%...
But yer winner, wit' 29.5% of the vote....
...3 Dog Night an' Joy To Da World!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allright, everyone, thank God that's over! Next week, 3DN and 1972!
Awesome post
ReplyDeleteAnd once more, thank you!
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