Well, here's another attempt at MWN. I don't know that it is the knee-slapping humor I prefer, but maybe you'll get some subtle chuckles...
Fox News
Easy come, stupid go
A new(er) wrinkle on the story of CEO-UHC killer Luigi Mangione:
Mary Mangione, a Baltimore-area millionaire philanthropist married to real-estate developer Nick Mangione, left an estimated $30 million — and possibly more — to her family when she died in 2023. The matriarch had 10 children and 37 grandchildren.
And yes, Luigi was one of those grandchildren. But, Granny was wise, and added a caveat:
"It is my precatory desire that the Trustees particularly consider invoking their discretion to implement this Section if the felony is a common law felony, a statutory felony if it is the codification of a common law felony, a heinous felony, any felony involving a physically violent act against another person or property or any drug related felony involving distribution or intent to distribute any type of drug or illegal substance," thereby forfeits their spot in the line of heirs. Thus, whatever satisfaction he got out of his act cost him in the neighborhood of at least $630+K.
CNN
Go woke, go broke
We have yet another crying post about poor, poor Bud Light. After the Dylan Mulvaney debacle, it had lost it's #1 place in all but one category- and it just lost that one too. Michelob Ultra is now the most popular beer on tap, according to Draftlines Technologies, handing Bud Light its latest loss. But who lost? Michelob Ultra is also an Anheuser-Bush beer, so they're still at 1-2 on the list; and, according to an A-B spokesperson, "Bud Light is still 30% bigger than the next competitor". However, "In year-to-date sales through November 3, Michelob Ultra continues to be A-B InBev’s biggest beer in terms of sales at retailers, growing 4%, while Bud Light sales plunged 13%, according to Circana data obtained by Brewbound."
The accelerating fall of BL sales may be, IMHO, less to do with the continuing effect of Mulvaney than with the fact that, while beer drinkers were boycotting them, they discovered other beers TASTE BETTER. Go figure.
BBC News
As if we don't have enough diseases...
Here's the latest invented medical condition...
"If I see someone tapping their fingers on a desk, my immediate thought is to chop their fingers off with a knife," an anonymous patient confides to a researcher. Another shares: "When I see someone making really small repetitive movements, such as my husband bending his toes, I feel physically ill. I hold it back but I want to vomit."
Sound familiar? If so, perhaps you too have a condition called misokinesia - a diagnosable hatred of fidgeting.
In the old days, we called this, "Getting annoyed over stupid stuff," and the cure was, "Get over yourself". While these may be extreme examples, they come from a simple source- a world so involved in each person's own little world, anything that pops the bubble grows from social faux-pas to health crisis.
Moscow Times
"Just following orders, sir..."
Lama Baldan Bazarov self-exiled when the Russia-Ukraine war broke out, because he knew his Buddhist message of peace and non-violence would earn him a trip to Vladimir Putin's doghouse. But a Moscow times reporter asked him, if this exile was in obedience to his religious principles, why did not more Buddhist clergy follow him out of the country- and why were some actively supporting the Russian effort? His answer:
This is absolutely correct. Of course, it directly contradicts the Buddhist precepts. But I can understand Damba Ayusheev’s position.
All Khambo Lamas swore an oath of loyalty to the Russian tsar during the imperial era. Without this, they could not be elected. During their election, they had to recite the pledge of allegiance [to the monarch]. When Damba Ayusheev was elected as the 24th Khambo Lama [in 1995], he also took an oath of loyalty to the head of the Russian state. He adheres to this oath because breaking it would not be honorable. Even in Buddhism, one must remain true to their promises and oaths.
As for the others, let’s say no one explicitly told them: ‘You must swear an oath of loyalty [to Putin].’ No one made them take it. Support for the war is their own choice.
Today there is complete freedom. You can choose who to listen to, what to watch, and make your own conclusions. I know that some people only watch the TV and don’t want to hear a different perspective. They only listen to people such as pro-Kremlin TV hosts Vladimir Solovyov and Olga Skabeyeva or RT head Margarita Simonyan. They are under the spell of their rhetoric. It's clear.
REPORTER: As I understand, not all Buddhist leaders could resist that spell either.
Yes, of course. The clergy are just humans.
Wow. One modern excuse- I only know what I see on TV. One ancient excuse: In a world where American politicians won't even remain loyal to oaths taken in the previous administrations, Monks feel bound to oaths to a position that was eradicated 108 years ago.
The Times Of India
But, please, let's argue semantics
This was a story that I had to dig through a lot of culture I don't quite understand to get to, but here's my attempt:
The Indian government is developing something called the Dharavi Project, which I believe is basically what we would call "urban renewal"; and as usual, it is robbing the poor to comfort the rich. At least that is how it seems to Rahul Gandhi, the leader to the opposition. (Rahul is the son of one former Indian Prime Minister, Rajiv Gandhi, and the Grandson of another, Indira Gandhi.) His problem apparently stems from the government farming it out to Adani, a multinational conglomerate with perhaps illegal ties to the government. A serious problem, yes? But the lead story wasn't about what he was fighting for, but about HOW he said it.
In a speech before Congress, he was quoting from the Hindu epic Mahabharata, and used a word for a 'young man' to describe a 7-year-old boy in the story.
And the government party broke out in laughter, and attacked him for the mistake- a mistake he was trying to correct as the congressmen talked and laughed over him.
For this to even BE a story tells me that Adani isn't the only one in the government's pocket...
Vanguard (Nigeria)
Pastors unclear on the concept
This story kinda had two heads, but the second one showed more to me than the first. Meet Pastor Tobi Adegboyega, founder of the SPAC Nation church...
Tobi has been in London the last several years, and is about to get kicked out, because his visitor's visa had ran out. His excuse? He "lost track of time". He's coming up on his 20th year in London, and apparently it went by in a flash. Secondary excuse? "I thought my family was working on it."
But this isn't the thing that really got me; that came when he started defending himself against "financial irregularities" he and his church have been accused of...
The controversy has been fueled by claims that Adegboyega is linked to a £1.87 million fraud involving misuse of church funds. However, the pastor dismissed the allegations as baseless and attributed them to “disgruntled members” of his congregation.
“How on earth do you run an organisation without disgruntled people?” he asked during the interview.
Pastors out there, you want to handle this one? "You handle it by bring it to the Lord, and before the elders, and prayerfully address the issue."
Adegboyega also emphasized his church’s role in addressing societal issues in the UK.
“Our church has helped get hundreds of knives off the streets and tackled gun violence,” he said, highlighting SPAC Nation’s community outreach efforts.
But, how many souls have you saved? How many hours have you spent explaining the Gospel to your congregants? His real problem is, he's running a social workers program that siphons money from government and congregants, and spends it on himself, IMHO.
Buenos Aires Times
Curses, foiled again
I don't know that this one needs a whole lot of expounding from me...
Senator Edgardo Kueider has formally requested temporary leave from the Upper House following his arrest in Paraguay...This request follows the Entre Ríos politician’s arrest at the La Amistad (Friendship) international bridge linking Paraguay and Brazil at the Triple Frontier when the DNIT (Dirección Nacional de Ingresos Tributarios) Paraguayan tax authorities found an undeclared sum of over US$200,000 in his car, more than 600,000 pesos and four million guaranis.
I kinda think his "leave" might be something more than temporary- unless Brazil allows senators to Face-Time their votes from Paraguayan prisons...
And, today's finale...
News.AM (Armenia)
Methinks you might be exaggerating...
Now if you follow obscure international news as I do, you might know that the recent elections in Georgia (the European nation, not the southern state) have been controversial, with many protesting that it was a rigged next step to serving the country up to Russia (now you see why I included the caveat it wasn't OUR Georgia). However, the pro- government people have a decidedly different view of their 'winner'...
Georgian Prime Minister Irakli Kobakhidze called Mikhail Kavelashvili “the country's first mentally and psychologically balanced president in the last 20 years,” Novosti-Georgia reported.
The story goes on...
According to the Georgian Prime Minister, for 20 years “hostile external forces” have been using the institution of the president to divide the society and “artificially weaken the constitutional order” of the country.
And what are these "hostile external forces"? You would THINK he was referring to the giant greedy neighbor to the north (Russia, not South Carolina), but I did a little digging into his party affiliation...
Kavelashvili has accused the political opposition in Georgia of being controlled by US congressmen with "an insatiable desire to destroy our country" and plotting "a direct violent revolution and the Ukrainisation of Georgia". (Wiki)
I hate to pop your importance bubble, my friend, but I think you might be mistaking "Lining our own pockets" with "Yeah, Georgia! Love that red clay..."
One what the hell moment after another here, at times I wonder what the hell is wrong with some people, or what the hell are they thinking, or what the hell am I reading, good work and keep them coming
ReplyDeleteI love your comments the best...
DeleteMy favorite Michelob Ultra joke:
ReplyDelete"Good evening. Welcome to [insert name of restaurant]. Can I start you off with something to drink?"
"Yes. Can I have a Michelob Ultra?"
"Ooo, sorry. We don't carry that brand. We have a water fountain, though. Will that do?"
FULL DISCLOSURE: As much as I enjoy mocking MU, it can't be beat as a "camping" beer. I can chug an entire case and not feel a thing. Give me three IPAs, on the other hand...
Pretty accurate joke! And I am over those "drink a case" days. I'd rather wait until I have nothing left to do, have a couple of Stouts or Belgians, and do nothing.
DeleteHas Mario been asked to respond to what Luigi has done?
ReplyDeleteOkay, probably in poor taste, but I still have to laugh.
Y'know, you went to games, but I look at these names and think, "Mafia money". In that case, Mario is probably fishing with Hoffa.
Delete