Newspage go, British division

I thought we might want to have a little fun tonight before a very serious post tomorrow, so I looked around for some NG worthy headlines.  FoxNews let me down- but the BBC stepped right up.  Tonight, an all BBC Newspage Go! edition!

Item one:  Fine, then YOU drink it!

Our first stop is in Egypt, where it is as unhealthy to insult the Nile River as to drink from it:

Egyptian singer Sherine sentenced to prison over Nile joke

I admit, the headline itself isn't chuckle-worthy, but wait'll you here the punchline:

Sherine, one of the country's most famous singers - and a judge on the Arabic version of The Voice TV show, was seen on video being " asked to sing Mashrebtesh Men Nilha (Have You Drunk From The Nile?)

She responded by saying "drinking from the Nile will get me schistosomiasis" - a disease commonly known in Egypt as bilharzia, which once plagued rural water sources."

 For this, Sherine "was found guilty of "inciting debauchery and immorality". The director and another actor were sentenced to shorter terms.


Sherine, meanwhile, has been convicted by a Cairo court of spreading false news. 

But wait, there's more:

On top of the legal case against her, the Egyptian Musicians Syndicate announced that it had banned her from performing over her "unjustified mockery of our dear Egypt".

So is she waiting now for the river to sue her for libel?  An article from Science Direct tells us:


The water quality of 24 sites between Aswan and Cairo along the Nile was investigated. To evaluate the suitability of water for aquatic life and drinking purposes, the indices of water quality (WQI), heavy metal pollution (HPI) and contamination (Cd) were computed. The water quality variations were mainly related to inorganic nutrients and heavy metals, where, the sites affected by intensive load of urban, agricultural and industrial wastewater showed serious deterioration of water quality compared with other sites. The anthropogenic impact sites showed high HPI and Cd values and associated with high risks, where, most of the studied metals often exceeded the drinking water and aquatic life limits. The aquatic WQI indicated that the Nile water quality deteriorated and extended from poor to marginal, while drinking WQI varied from marginal to good. Accordingly, the river becoming unfit for aquatic life and the situation is getting worse by decreases in the water budget from the Nile in Egypt by building of the Grand Ethiopian Renaissance Dam, where the dilution strength of the Nile system will reduce.

I'm guessing no... but it IS "our dear Egypt."

Item two:  Who ya gonna call?

In this case, the story isn't funny, but the headline on the menu page is a bit dodgily worded:

Mexico police sought over missing Italians

And actually, the point was that the Italians went missing in Tecalitlán, a podunk in one of the most dangerous Cartel strongholds, where they were selling "cheap generators and agricultural machinery which they passed off as high-quality branded goods."  And so the cops being sought didn't QUITE arrest them... they SOLD them to the Cartel for $53.  That's quite the bargain for the Cartel, less than $18 apiece, when they get maybe $23,000 in ransom for some vic- a 1300% profit!

Item three:  Consider the source...

This one involves one of Roland Hansen's favorite pastimes- calling people Nazis just because you don't like their policies:

Chancellor Merkel enters 'Germans only' food bank furore

At odds is a food bank in the city of Essen who, since they have been overwhelmed by Muslim migrants signing up for food aid, have stopped taking registrations from non-Germans, which of course put left and right at each others' throats yet again.  One of the victims (or actually two) were the uncharitable charity's van- and good spelling:

So, are they Nazis- or "Nasis"?  Interestingly, I looked up "Nasis", and got three surprise returns:

One is the info system, called the "infinite Portal" used by Santa Fe Indian school...
One is the "National Soil Information System..."

And one had THIS for a description:

"DOD Warning: USG Warning and Consent Banner. You are accessing a U.S. Government (USG) Information System (IS) that is provided for USG-authorized use only..."

Yeah, not clicking on THAT one...

Item four: You're missing the point...

When searching for a lost pilot, one might want to look for a lost AIRPLANE...


Amelia Earhart's stolen car found in Los Angeles

And if she were driving that car across the Pacific, you might have something there.  As it is, well... actually, the car, a " green and black 1932 Hudson Essex Terraplane", of which there are only 14 left, was stolen from its collector owner.

Item five:  Could be a correlation, here...

Yesterday I stumbled upon an article about three men from the remote mountains of north Pakistan, who were the last three speakers of the Badeshi language.  The headline was not a chuckle, and the article of itself was a fascinating look at how a language dies, but the thing that struck me was THIS exchange between two of the speakers...


Said Gul also doesn't know his own age. When he said he was 40, somebody corrected him. "It's more like 80!" Said Gul quickly shot back, "No, may be 50, but not 80!"

If their grammar is as hard as their math, I think we have an alternate cause...


Item six:  For pity's sake, just don't bring him to America...

Headline:

Lift Peeing Video Ignites Fury In China

And it's just what it said...

Chinese state media are using a video of a child urinating in a lift to reinforce better parental controls.

The Ministry of Public Security has shared footage on the popular Sina Weibo microblog from 23 February of an elevator in a building in southwest Chongqing.

"Please educate, and take good care of your children!" it says.

The footage shows a boy urinating over the buttons that take passengers to different floors. His actions caused the lift to short circuit, and then he appears visibly distressed as the lights go on and off, and the doors open and close.

Chinese social media has erupted against the kid's upbringing... and they may have a point.  I for one think dad's excuse is, er, all wet...

However, Beijing News says that the boy's father disputes the video's authenticity. "He [the father] says that his son cannot yet urinate that high, he doesn't believe it, and his son won't admit it, says he didn't do it," a reporter tells the paper.

Trust me, I had a nephew who could hit that high at THREE years old.

Item six: An oldie but a goodie

This is a revist, as Chinese leader Xi Jinping reinforces some censorship rules in prep for changing the rules to allow him a third five year term...

Why China Is Censoring Winnie The Pooh again

The answer:  so internet wags can't do THIS again...

...or this...