Sunday Message: breaking the top two commandments

This is a post about responsibility, about being a leader in faith, in what to look for in a pastor or a servant of God.  And it is going to be hard for me to do in the way I would like to, as it is tied to two very emotional incidents, that I don't want to get lost in.  It is a tale of two such leaders.


Story number one involves a boy that committed suicide, and the priest who did- or some say, overdid- his eulogy.  The other is about a pastor who bought his wife a car- a $200k car.  What I want to do is not so much tell the stories, but take some pull quotes FROM the stories.


From the first:

Maison Hullibarger, 18, a straight-A student, killed himself on Dec. 4. His funeral was on Dec. 8, and Rev. Don LaCuesta said the mass.

LaCuesta mentioned “suicide” six times and wondered out loud if the teen had repented enough to make it to Heaven, Hullibarger's family said. At one point Jeff Hullibarger, the teen's father, walked over to the priest and whispered, "Father, please stop," to no avail.

"We wanted him to celebrate how Maison lived, not how he died," Maison's mother said.

The words were so hurtful that the family said Catholic officials in Detroit apologized in a statement to the Detroit Free Press. Hullibarger's parents want LaCuesta removed from his post in Monroe County, just south of Detroit.

"Everybody seems to understand but the Catholic Church," said Jeff Hullibarger.

In a Thursday statement to the paper, the Archdiocese of Detroit said its hope "is always to bring comfort into situations of great pain, through funeral services centered on the love and healing power of Christ,” and that "unfortunately, that did not happen in this case."

"After some reflection, the presider agrees that the family was not served as they should have been served. For the foreseeable future, he will not be preaching at funerals and he will have his other homilies reviewed by a priest mentor,” it continued.

The Hullibargers said an apology isn’t enough.


"Really, the only way for that to happen is for this priest to be removed. We’re afraid that, like the Catholic Church does, they’ll send him off and he’ll do it to somebody else," Jeff Hullibarger said.


So let's look coolly at all of this.

Firstly, I don't want to get into the differing dogma between Catholic and Evangelical, but I want to ask the question:  Was the priest wrong in asking the question?  Was he rude in going on about it? Was he in error to turn from what the family wanted?


And as for the incident itself, I don't know, I wasn't there.  One thing I do know is that except for one line: "the presider agrees that the family was not served as they should have been served"- we have just one side of the story.  And it was an inflamed side, both personally, and institutionally.  At one point, the father of the boy mentions, "People told me there was almost a smirk on his face." And on top of this, there was also a HS football coach that came to the service- despite specifically being told NOT to, because the family (and apparently others) considered him a bully (though not accusing him of being a reason)- and afterwards posted on social media about how it was easy to make him a fall guy and the family should look in the mirror (for which he was relieved of his duties as a coach by the district).  So this was a big emotional mess even before the mass in question.

So was he wrong in asking the question?  From an evangelical standpoint, you have to ask it, because unlike the Catholic church, we believe that membership + sacraments + purgatory does NOT equal salvation.  Had he accepted Christ as his savior?  Only you and God truly know if you did.  The question the priest probably should have been asking is, "Have YOU accepted Christ as your savior, considering the brevity of mortal life?"

Was he wrong in "going on about it", to the point that the family tried to get him to stop?  He probably was, because there were other problems with the service which are neither here nor there.  As you will read in the upcoming Bible study Wednesday, we are called to show God's example of mercy from the HEART.  Beating someone over the head with salvation is NOT mercy- and it is not effective.

Was he in error to veer from the eulogy the family requested?  They wanted his life celebrated- but keep in mind, it was a life that ended in self-inflicted death, for a reason known only to Maison.  I believe this should have been addressed IN MERCY.  Supposedly, the way he did it caused some of Maison's friends to walk out of the service crying- and certainly caused the funeral director to help the family to wrest the end of the service from his hands.


Now, let's look at the quotes from the second story:

The pastor was criticized by social media users questioning how he could afford the car. In a Facebook Live video Thursday, Gray defended the purchase while tearing up at times.  “Pastor buys his wife this expensive car,” Gray said. “First of all it wasn’t a pastor who bought the car, it was a husband that bought the car. Get that in your spirit.”

He also addressed the speculation that he used some money from the church to pay for the Lamborghini.

“Did this man use any money from the church to do this?” Gray asked. “And the answer is no. Absolutely not. And God, take my life on this live feed if I did.”

The pastor continued that the car was bought with money he saved from his second book deal and the fourth season of his reality show “The Book of John Gray” which airs on the OWN Channel.

"My wife has pushed for my dreams and my vision and she has toiled with a man who is still trying to find himself," he said. "That carries a weight. I wanted to honor her for how she’s covered me."

Gray said he has put a deposit on the car but has not fully paid it off. In an Instagram post, his wife defended her husband.


“My hubby is a hard worker,” she wrote. “He worked his whole life and he saved to bless his wife.”


Where I have questions of conscience for the Priest, I have a lot of doubt that this Pastor even KNOWS God.  Here's why.

“First of all it wasn’t a pastor who bought the car, it was a husband that bought the car. Get that in your spirit.”  If you can divide yourself, compartmentalize into "pastor life" and "home life", I venture to say, you don't have a calling, you have a job whose goal is to make money.  I also venture to say, "Get that in your spirit", is dripping with arrogance, which God despises.  Thirdly, I venture that if you are going to take an air of entitlement, arrogance, and self-righteousness when questioned on your actions, you and humility are strangers.

" And God, take my life on this live feed if I did.”  Thou shalt not TEMPT the Lord Thy God.  I do not quote this facetiously- this was no more than daring God, "Align with my opinion or prove you can do something about it."  Sadly, this Pastor has forgotten God's focus is on the NEXT life- and that Lambo won't be making the trip with him.


"...of his reality show “The Book of John Gray” which airs on the OWN Channel..."

"...I wanted to honor her for how she’s covered me...."

I see a lot of honor for HIM.  I see some honor for his WIFE.

WHERE IS GOD HONORED?  Yeah, I thought so.

So in summing, here we have two leaders that somehow forgot- and we might question if they ever knew- a principle that everyone in ministry should be monogramming on their eyelids:

Matt. 22: 34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”