Martin World News

 

Let's see if I can milk humor from the udders of the news cow tonight.  Starting with:

CNN

Headline: First methane-powered sea spiders found crawling on the ocean floor

Honestly, there are a lot of ways to go with this one other than the true story- I myself have been accused of being "methane powered" at times.  And no, these spiders are neither gassy nor have little tanks strapped to their spinnerets. No, they live deep sea near thermal vents, eating the waste products (sugars and fats) of methane consuming microbes.  And while this might be just mildly funny, I got another chuckle from a sub-headline deep in the article:

The methane diet may be good for everyone

I'll have to remember that line the next time I am accused of being "methane powered"...

BBC

Headline: Czech fake dentist gave root canals after reading online instructions

Well, that's one tip of the iceberg, anyway.  This dentist's office was a family concern apparently; while 22 year old sonny boy did the dentistry.  50-year old Mama did the nursing, and 44-year old Daddio made the prosthetics- all using YouTube videos as a guide.  

All three were arrested earlier this month, before being charged this week with operating an illegal business, money laundering, attempted assault, drug dealing and theft. All have pleaded guilty, police said.

The family concern netted about $185 K American for their services, or about $7,000 each for each of the 8 years their sentences will max out at.  I'm surprised that BBC didn't put up a subheading of "Good work if you can get it", as officials say that Czechia averages about 10 "Fake dentist" cases PER YEAR.  Bright side, apparently none of the patients have complained, so they must have paid close attention to those videos.

The Moscow Times

Headline: We Are Now 'Undesirable' in Russia. Here's What You Need to Know.

I found this one almost by accident.  On the front page of my favorite Russian dissidents, in small and light toned words I could barely read, I saw:

Russia labeled The Moscow Times an "undesirable organization." If you are in Russia or plan to travel there, it's still safe to read us - but you cannot share our articles on social media, link to them or quote them. Here's what else you need to know.

The hyperlink then tells you: 1- Non-Russians are safe.  Good to know!  2- If you are Russian, sharing, reposting, or linking their articles can draw a fine of up to 15,000R ($175).  Reading, however, is still okay.  3- Donating (if you are a Russian) can get you 5 years in the slammer.

"Boris, quick! Call Moscow Times and cancel our recurring donation!"

"Better yet, I transfer it to Moose and Squirrel!"

Xinhua (China)

Now here, I have to say you wonder what is going on over there when you see these two headlines, one on top of the other:

China's desertification control efforts embrace high-tech solutions

China activates emergency response to flooding in 5 provinces

Um, maybe you went a little TOO hi-tech?  Maybe?

News.AU (Jo-Anne, you know I couldn't stay away from Australia)

Headline: Dad ‘makes’ 5 month old baby apologize to passengers after flight

An 8-hour journey from London to Atlanta was punctuated by this five month old cutie (and to a lesser extent, her twin sister) raising a ruckus that no one appreciated, but MOST (some peters in every group, I guess) forgave as she beamed a smile that suggested to one passenger, “She looked at everyone like ‘and I’ll do it again, watch this,’”.

Toronto Star

Well, sorry, but despite not having been on this site but once in six months, I've "reached my limit."  Now we'll never know why the newly constructed sidewalk had a wire sticking out of it...

Daily Sabah (Istanbul)

(You know I'm running out of places when I hit here...) 

Headline: Istanbul tops list of cities with worst traffic congestion 

Are you willing to sit in a car for about 142 hours a year? Ran the tagline to the article from February of 2022, which I guess was late to the printer due to traffic.  At this point, the former Constantinople had just pulled ahead of Moscow, Kiyev, Bogota, and Mumbai.  Of all places, Mecca was least congested- and hey, Laurie, your hockey team's home town of Katowice, Poland, was fourth lowest.  Mecca, the lowest?  I guess there's not much to do outside the mosque's open hours...

And finally- with a nod nod wink wink to the first story:

Daily Star

Headline: Man wears ‘World’s Best Farter’ t-shirt to court - gets absolutely rinsed by judge

"World's best farter- I mean father".  Sammy Morris wore this tee to a felony hearing- and Judge Raquel West didn't see the humor.  She asked him what made him think his methane powered shirt was appropriate to wear to a court hearing, and his answer was, "It was the only one I could find."  She then asked him why he didn't have a lawyer present, and his excuse was equally chaffing to her honor:  He claimed he had called three lawyers before appearing in court, but he hadn’t heard back from any of them in time.

Golly, I wonder why?  Judge West was "nice enough" to give Sammy a 30- day reset, and if he appeared without a lawyer ( or in a tee) that time, he could kiss his bail money bye bye.