Step into my time machine week forty-two

Hi, guys, and welcome to another frozen foray into the depths of when music was good. Before we take off, I'd like to try something new but am a little wary of it, so I need your help- this is an audience participation gig, to wit: I'd like to have you sit back and come up with the song that defines you, your "theme song" if you will. The song so ingrained in you that you feel a sense of comfort in hearing it, as it tells you you are still you. Post them in the comments section, please; and if I get enough responses, I'll put a video of mine on next week's TM. This does NOT have to be a seventies song to go with TM's theme; in fact, mine WON'T be. But if I crap out on responses, as the Beatles say, "you won't see me".



Okay, so let's strap in and head for this week in 1976. 11 songs debut in the Hot 100 this week, and I'll be mentioning 5 of them. At the leadoff spot (no. 100) we have Hall and Oates with Sara Smile. Two notches later, Styx debuts with Loreli; then we move up to 83 where we have country crossovers Waylon (Jennings) and Willie (Nelson) with Good Hearted Woman. Next up at 77 we have one of the fun songs of the era, Maxine Nightengale's Right Back To Where We Started From. C'mon, can you NOT smile when you hear that one? and finally up at 70 we have Johnny Taylor with Disco Lady. Move it in, move it out...



Let's hit the countdown of the #1 albums of the 70s next. We're at March of 1974 this week, and the weeks of the 16th and 23rd were ruled by Barbara Streisand with her lp The Way We Were. At least that is the once and current title; for a while after its release, she got into it with the producer of the movie to which the title track was the theme, and as a result had to be changed to Barbara Streisand Featuring The Hit Single The Way We Were And All In Love Is Fair. (Geez, did BJ Thomas' writers get ahold of this?) This album was a conglomeration of 4 songs that were new, including the two mentioned in that long title (which hit #1 and #63 respectively), and 6 that were off a 1970 album that was never released that would have been titled Singer.

After Babs' two weeks, we got another album whose title and contents seemed to be at odds- John Denver's Greatest Hits. John was actually just getting his feet wet, superstar-wise, and much of the album was early songs of his that had never been hits, but he reworked them to feel more contemporary. However, it did include the #1 Sunshine (On My Shoulders), the #2 Take Me Home Country Roads, and the #9 Rocky Mountain High, as well as his version of the song he penned for Peter Paul and Mary, Leaving On A Jet Plane. GH held the top in a turbulent time when albums seemed to be bouncing in and out at the top; it was #1 the last week of March, the first week of April, and again two weeks later.

The album that knocked it out would do the same thing itself. Band On The Run by McCartney And Wings is one of the great lps of all time IMHO. It didn't start out so well, though. Paul got the idea of going someplace exotic, and picked... Lagos, Nigeria. (Hey, could you drop off $8,000 to Mary Ozasuma while you're there?*) They found: that Nigeria wasn't as exotic as they imagined; themselves robbed at knifepoint; a dilapidated recording studio where they could only lay the basic tracks; and Paul collapsing from something very much like a heart attack. Y'know it seems like all of these acts wanted to try the "exotic locale" thing, and none of them had a very good time doing it. In any event, this excellent album not only contained the singles Band On The Run (#1), Jet (#7), and Helen Wheels (#10), but two great flip sides, Let Me Roll It and Nineteen Hundred Eighty-Five, as well as the very tasty Picasso's Last Words. After interrupting John Denver's run, BOTR waited patiently for six weeks while two other albums took the top spot, then returned for the weeks of June 8th and 15th.

(*See the post earlier this week about scam e-mails to get this reference.)

The Big Dropper this week, ironically enough, is John Denver's Fly Away, down 28 spot to 43. As the Big Mover is in the top 40, let's go right on there. Going from 41 to 40 is a re-entry; The Wing And A Prayer Fife And Drum Corps' Baby Face peaked at 26 two weeks ago and dropped to 41 last week. Another similar song, George Baker's Paloma Blanca, falls this week to 39 after peaking at 22. I mention them in the same breath because, to hear as much as they got played around here, you'd have thought they were both top 10s at least. So, let's call this a pseudo- almost but not quite feature and move on. The Big Mover goes from 58 to 37, a 21-notch climb for the Bay City Rollers and Money Honey. Our final debut is the best of the lot: Dr. Hook's Only Sixteen, a song that makes me misty from note #1.



Our look at the tops this week in other years hits the twos this week. In 1992, Prince and the NPG were on top with Diamonds And Pearls. Without re-hashing my usual 1990's commentary, I did listen to this song (which I did NOT know) this morning, and found myself paying little to no attention. As John Popper once sang, "the hook brings you back," and I didn't hear one. In 1982, the J. Geils Band was on top for the third of their 6 weeks with Centerfold. In 1972, Al Green was up with the song on which he based so many of his others, Let's Stay Together. In 1962, the #1 song was one of the all time classics- Gene Chandler's Duke Of Earl.

1952 at this point saw Johnnie Ray- yes, "poor old Johnnie Ray" of Dexy's Midnight Runners fame- with one of those songs mom used to try to sing just to annoy us, Cry. He was backed on this single by the Four Lads, who would go on to have their own big career, including another of mom's faves, the 1955 hit Moments To Remember. When I was REEEEEAL little and mom used to play that one, I somehow linked the part "the time we tore the goal posts down" to a flagpole at the Hi-Ho Inn in POE, Indiana, one of dad's favorite dives. It, as far as I know, was never torn down, and I can't even be sure it ever existed. But that's how I put things together back when I was two or three.

Three songs rocket into the top ten, three drop, and two of those take the reeeeally hard fall. Sing A Song drops from 7 to 11; Convoy tanks from 2 (yes, 2) all the way to 17; and Love Rollercoaster screams downward, just missing biggest dropper with a 22 notch fall from 6 to 28.

The Top ten leads off with the Eagles at 10, up 2 spots, with Take It To The Limit, Randy Meisner on the vocals for the only time in Eagles' singledom. At #9 was the fastest written song in Jeff Lynne history. He says he penned Evil Woman, which climbs a notch to 9, in just 30 minutes, expecting it to be an album filler instead of their biggest song to this point. Leaping 6 big notches from 14 to 8 is Eric Carmen with All By Myself, with which he ironically got some help from Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto #2 in C Minor, Opus 18 ( which was at first uncredited since he thought it was public domain- a mistake that he later had to settle with the Rachmaninoff estate over). Moving up one to #7 is the catatonic's version of Breaking Up Is Hard To Do by Neil Sedaka. The Miracles, fronted by Billy Griffin, move from 9 to 6 with Love Machine. Charging up 8 spots to enter the top ten at #5, Rhythm Heritage and the Theme From SWAT (Which I assume is near and dear to Bobby G's heart) RH, I learned, contained at one point Ray Parker, JR, and was formed by Michael Omartian of Christian Contemporary fame and Steve Barri, a producer and writer who had co-credits on Secret Agent Man and forged the careers of the Grass Roots and Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods. Barry Manilow eases down one more notch to 4 with I Write The Songs. Donna Summer moans her way to #3, up 2 with Love To Love You Baby, a song which I understand she recorded lying down with the lights off to get the full effect. Hot Chocolate moves up 2 to #2 with You Sexy Thing. And the top dog again this week is...

Paul Simon with 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover! (Sorry, Paul, no pic; you know the rules.)

That's it for this week; remember, comment me your personal theme songs, and if you're good, I'll show you mine. See ya next week!

Neighborhood crime meeting.

Tonight was the promised meeting at the clubhouse, and if the fire marshall had showed up, we'd likely have all been in jail. I'm sure that by the time everyone filtered in, we topped 100 residents. I was surprised that no TV cameras were there, but at the very end, there was a young man (who wasn't too far off the perp's description, but in dress shirt and tie) from Indianasnewscenter.

John from management emceed, introducing us all to our courtesy officer Chad Thurston, who is actually the third shift FWPD supervisor for our quadrant. After explaining to us when to call him (After calling 911 first for even a suspicious person report, and after the fact discoveries or reflections) and when not to (for broken furnaces- ya had ta be there), he in turn introduced Mike Joyner from crime prevention.

Mike carried most of the meeting. His main task was to remind us that we are "2,000 sets of eyes" to assist the FWPD in their job, and to go over the things we can do:

1. Be observant- what is odd, strange, out of place?
2. Be a good witness- get details as much as you can.
3. Stand tall- the more confident we seem the better the chance he won't have the guts to strike.
4. Make NOISE- he doesn't want to be noticed. One girl in q&a suggested keeping a rape whistle handy, which Mike said was an excellent idea.
5. Get to know your neighbors; be prepared to help out.
6. Porch lights on at all times; blinds open when you're home, so he knows there's the potential to be seen.
7. Know your surroundings, since he obviously does.

Among the things discussed about the perp:
1. This last attack, he was wearing a ball cap and a "military style black flak jacket that came to his waist" according to the victim, who was there. This is somewhat different that the long black jacket and stocking cap that was described in the first three attacks.

2. He did get the gun wrestled away from him this time, and it had rounds in the thing. Joyner is hopeful that that means we will get prints.

3. They are convinced he has a getaway driver, because of after the fact witnesses and the fact that the dogs tracked him to a spot and lost him.

4. They profile him to be a north-side resident (sorry, Bob, not one of yours), possibly a former resident.

5. I asked about the possibility of a connection with the guy they got on picture at the gas station on Coliseum last night. The vic said it wasn't the same guy, to which I suggested that maybe the driver handled that one. Mike said in response to all speculation that A) they're analyzing all leads and B) needless to say, there were some things that the cops would not release.

Q&A included a lot of what should we do to defend ourselves. Some suggested arming oneself with Mace, pepper spray, guns, and tasers. (One woman said she heard that you should arm yourself with wasp spray, since it shoots so far. Mike questioned the efficacy of carrying around such a big can, and suggested that pepper spray shoots pretty far, too.) Mike's response was, if you do, you'd better A) know what you're doing with it ( lest you get caught, as often happens, in pepper overspray, or get your weapon taken from you, or, my personal probability, end up injuring yourself with whatever it might be. He suggested that you are better off A) letting him know you know he's there (IOW pay attention to people behind you), B) Draw attention, i.e. the rape whistle, C) do the things to make yourself less of a target (i.e. don't park in the darkest of corners, have someone to call that can come out when you arrive (my suggestion), don't carry a purse where it can be seen, avoid having both arms full with bundles, and D), give him what he wants- personal property can be replaced.

As the night wore on, the questions became more of a mild bitch session, and the crowd began to disperse. Mike took his last question, thanked everyone, and we were all basically escorted home by several lights-on cruisers who were doing a drive-around a la two nights ago. (Mike said this "wasn't staged, it's what we're doing", but I kinda wonder.

Anyway, that's the story. Tune in for more next time.

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Oh, and just for the record vis-a-vis my last post, Average Girl was inundated by the ferociousness of her followers' support, and has returned to the blogging world, including the "he said-she said" contest. Any of you that like good poetry should check out yesterday's battle where the contestant of each gender was to write a poem about the beauty or attributes of the other gender. They weren't funny; they were fantastically good. Do yourself a flavor and check 'em out.

In support of a fellow blogger...

Recently I got turned onto a blogger calling herself Average Girl, who blogs at http://goodgirlgoneaverage.blogspot.com . She has a really cool way of dealing with a life confounded by fibromyalgia, and a unique way of looking at life. Recently, she's held a couple of "audience participation" events on her blog: a get to know each other "party" in which we were encouraged to put our stage names and blog names, read each others' blogs, and generally make merry in her comments section; the other was a "He said-she said"game in which participants would be assigned a topic (anything from wine tasting to nose hair) to which they would have to present either the pro or con argument (she assigning your side of the topic). Today was the second day of what was to be a month-long fun-fest.

But it ended today. Why?

Because there were apparently some people, presumably who'd come to be followers for the more serious topics of her blog, who have un-followed her because they were offended by the more risque aspects of the posts and the comments. She also received complaints. She decided that it wasn't worth it, cancelled the rest of the contest, and is taking some time off.

I have a message for the complainers and un-followers: HAVE YOU EVER HAD FUN A DAY IN YOUR LIFE???

I mean, really. I know that my blog doesn't always cover subjects everyone likes. But I would assume that since this is America, THE LAND OF FREE SPEECH, you just stop reading, move on, and come back when I'm talking about something that's more your cup of tea.

At least, that's what an ADULT would do.

I think it's awful that we as a nation have gotten to a point that we cannot just walk away from something we don't agree with. MY GOD, DO WE HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING? HELL NO!! God knows it's in my nature to rail against the powers that be (hence my blog's title), but if I bitched about every little thing, Jim and Carrie on Oldies 101.7 would be getting an earful over something that hacked me off this morning. Sometimes that is appropriate, other times you should just lay back and let it roll off. But to hurt someone who is just trying to bring a little fun into people's lives is just plain asinine. I hope you are happy, another ray of sunshine blotted out.

I would like it if those of you who stop by TAW would click on the above link and check Average Girl out. If for no other reason, to show you believe that America should stand for free speech. Average Girl had, I believe 2 followers drop her in the aftermath of the party and three more because of the contest. I'd like to see her gain ten times that back. If you believe in free speech, if you like to have fun, if you're just tired of the BS of idiots, or if you just wonder what the hell set him off, check out http://goodgirlgoneaverage.blogspot.com/. Thank you for your attention.

Who- or rather, which is- dumber

I can't really do a WD today, for the Super bowl ticket snafu/national anthem butchery obviously blots them all out.

But what I do have, and it's a rarity, is TWO (count 'em, two) scam e-mails on the same day! Here's the first, from "Mary Osazuwa" and entitled EMERGENCY PLEASE:

HelloHope you get this on time ?
Sorry I didn't inform youabout my trip to Nigeria, I'm presently in Lagosand am having some difficulties here.I misplaced my bag on my way to the hotel whereother valuable things were kept including my passport.I will like you to assist me with a loan of 8,000 Dollarsor whatever amount you can afford to borrow me to sort-outmy hotel bills and to get myself back home. I will appreciatewhatever you can afford to assist me with and I promise toRefund the money as soon as i return.let me knowif you can be of any assistance.
Regards,
Mary Osazuwa.

Okay, so let's run the list.
#1 random additions of proper spacing between words.
#2 Hope you get this on time? is NOT a question, especially when you have no idea what "on time" consists of.
#3Why are you in Lagos, and why would I care?
#4 "my bag where other valuable things are kept"- other things BESIDES ____?
#5 Nigeria is third world. How long were you at a hotel that you ran up an $8,000 bill before you figured you needed help? And/or, where's home? (possibly the United State?)
She also gave an e-mail address that I won't be sharing, for obvious reasons. Nor am I going to tell her that I won't be helping despite the windfall I got in the NEXT e-mail:

Compliments and remained blessed,
My name is Mrs. Alice Edwards I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed for cancer for about 2 years ago. I will be going in for an operation later today.I decided to Will/donate the sum of (Ten Millions Two Hundred Fifty Eight Thousand United States Dollars) to you for the good work of the lord.Contact my lawyer with this email: Name: Barr Tony Moore Email:(barrtonymoore3@airsoftmail.com) Tell him that I have WILLED 10.258M to you by quoting my personal reference number JJ/MMS/953/5015/GwrI/316us/uk and I have also notified him that I am WILLING that amount to you. As soon as you contact him with this details quoted above, he should be able to recognize you.Meanwhile you are advised to keep this mail and it contents confidential as i really want my wish accomplish at the end of the day.Please do pray to God for my recovery.
God Bless
Regards,
Mrs.
Alice Edwards

Okay, let's do this again, omitting the ones I hit in Mary's letter.
#1 "Compliments and remain blessed"? WTF? No! I refuse to remain blessed! I want to be like Joshua! (Sorry, cheap shot.)
#2 "for about 2 years ago". Excellent command of grammar, as usual. Probably from google's Yoruba to English translator.
#3Mrs. Edwards OBVIOUSLY has a lot of faith in her surgeon, eh? Let's will all my money to a total stranger, because I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
#4 scam E-mails never have lawyers. They have Barristers.
#5 Does your lawyer assign YOU a personal reference number? If you have $10,258,000, apparently.
#6 "this details". Again, google transaltor.
#7 AWWW $#!t!!! I let the cat outta the bag! Will Mrs. Edwards have the time before her surgery to contact another beneficiary after loose-lips Martin blew it? Tune in tomorrow....

I'm thinking maybe I should put Mrs. Edwards in touch with Mary. With ten mill, I bet Mary could stay over in beautiful Lagos a couple extra weeks.


___________________________________

Here are the final scores for the NHFFL commisioner's cup. The B2s take 12th at 40 points. Next come the Clock BBQs with 59, the KCAs and Rhinos at 61, the Beagles at 81, the Angels and Rangers at 84, and Buzz at 89. The SVA take 4th place at 96; bronze medallists are the T-Cubs at 117; the place horse is the Elks at 143; and it is the State Ducks, who led wire to wire, with 147 to win the 2010-11 commisioner's cup Congratulations to, er, ME!!!

KHL all-star game

If ever there was anything more ridiculously over the top than a hockey all-star game, this weekend's KHL All-star tilt in St. Petersburg erased the notion. Let me tell you about it.

(Picture is Yashin in the red and Jagr in the blue.)

The teams are divided by conference and named for the team captain (Is that where the NHL got that idea?) Thus the western conference is Team (Alexi) Yashin, and the more powerful east is Team (Jaromir) Jagr. We start our game with the third longest gap between goals in the entire game- 3:50 into the first, when Jagr led things off with an assist from Salavat Yulaev's Alexander Radulov. Just over a minute later, Another prominent name in our story, SKA's hometown hero Maxim Afinogenov got the first of his goals, assisted by my boy from Lokomotiv, Josef Vasicek, and we were off and running. The J's go back up 2-1 2 minutes later when Radulov got one of his own, and just over 2 minutes after that, Jagr struck again to make it 3-1. Then we had a 3 1/2 minute lull before TY came back thanks to Vityaz's Chris Simon. Thoings got wild(er) at the end of period one: with just under 3 minutes to go, former Red Wing HOFer and current Magnitogorsker Sergei Federov pushed it to 4-2 TJ; but 23 seconds later, Atlant's Sergei Mozyakin cut it to 4-3, and he tied it 1:03 later. Fourteen seconds after that, Ak Bars' Alexi Morozov put TJ back on top; and with 19 seconds left, Afinogenov got #2 to send it to the first break tied at 5.

One minute into the middle period, hometowner Maxim Sushinsky, who had assists on both of Mozyakin's goals, put TY up 6-5, with an assist from his team captain. 39 seconds passed before Barys Astana's Lukas Kaspar tied it back up, with Magnitogorsk's Janne Niskala getting his 3rd assist. Then we hit a lull until 4:11, when Lauris Darzins of Dinamo Riga put TY back on top 7-6. Less than a minute later, Jagr's Avangard teammate Roman Cerevenka, who already had 2 assists, tied it at 7-7. TJ then would spend the next 3 minutes building a 9-7 lead on goals by Salavat's Patrick Thoreson and Jagr's 3rd goal of the game. That lead was erased by Sushinsky's 2nd goal a half-minute later and Lokomotiv's Alexander Guskov, who hit on a penalty shot 15 seconds after Sushinsky's score. This was the start of a mini-parade of penalty shots: Afinogenov would get his 3rd of the night on a penalty shot at 14:07 (a game record 5:11 later) to make it 10-9 TY; and Dinamo Minsk's Leo Komorov was actually stopped on one by Yugra goalie Mikhail Biryukova at 17:43. 11 seconds after the miss it was Mozyakin time once again; he nets his third then, and his 4th with 34 seconds left in the period to close the stanza at 12-9 TY.

That lead was all gone by 3:45 of the third period: Cerevenka got his second at 1:12; Kaspar nailed his deuce at 1:56; Denis Kulyash of Avangard, who won the hardest shot contest the night before at 110+ MPH, at 2:11; and Ilya Nikulin of Ak Bars put TJ up 13-12 at 3:45. Then we hit an almost 4 minute lull before my boy Vasicek ties the game with an assist from Afinogenov at 7:27. Mozyakin followed after another 3 minute letup with a breakaway for his 5th and a 14-13 TY lead. Federov re-tied it with his 2nd at the thirteen minute mark, but Yashin took the lead yet again not quite 2 minutes later with his own first goal. Less than a minute after that, Morozov gets his second and it's 15-all. Barys' Kevin Dallman gave TJ the lead at the 17 minute mark, with Kaspar getting his third assist on the play. 40 seconds later, Komorov got one of his own, with an assist from Simon, to tie the game one last time. Martin Skoula of Avangard gave TJ the lead for the final time at 18:43; and Evgeny Kuznetsov of Traktor, who had racked up four assists, 2 of them in the third, hit the empty net at one second left to wrap up the 18-16 TJ win. Eleven goals were scored less than a minute after the last, and 34 goals were tallied on 77 shots (44% of shots scored!), 44 of them by TY.

And, if I understand the translation right, after the game TJ enjoyed an All-star tradition: a blue, white, and red 22 pound cake!

This is the third win for TJ in all-star events in the league's 3-year history; they won the first in Moscow 7-6 and the second in Minsk's new arena last year 11-8.

Step into my time machine week forty-one

As you might have noticed, OT at work is back, so if you still need your time machine fix every Friday, you'll have to try using your own time machine to go forward one day . I'm not sure if there are a lot of addicts out there, TM's numbers remain highly skewed by the European fascination with Silver Convention. I mentioned on an earlier post that I'm puzzled by the sheer number of people who visit my blog only looking for that picture of SC I posted on the Nov. 19 TM. Out of all my recorded keyword searches all-time, "Silver Convention" and "photos" thereof combine for 29 searches; the only subject more searched are the whackjobs at wecanknow.com, which in 3 spellings have totalled an annoying 113 searches. The rest of the top ten had 17 between them.



ANYway, it's time for TM now, so let's go wandering through time and discover what banapple gas is, discover who Robert Ford was, and deal a glancing blow to the connection between the Tennessee Waltz and Japan.



11 songs debut this week in the Hot 100, and I'll make mention of 5 of them. First, at 97 comes January, the second follow-up to Pilot's hit from last summer, Magic. A far bigger hit in the UK than here, I happened across it and burned it to CD. Very worth a listen. At 96 the country-flavored Bellamy Brothers debut with Let Your Love Flow. At 79 is Freddy Fender with You'll Lose A Good Thing. At 70 is the curiously named Banapple Gas by Cat Stevens, which I had never heard or heard of. The song was okay; the term describes what we used to call "Rush"- a jar of amyl nitrate that you take a big whiff of to get a very short, very concentrated buzz. Not available in the USA anymore, to my knowledge. And at 58, the Bay City Rollers hit with Money Honey.



The big dropper contest started out slow, but picked up towards the end, with the winner (or loser) being Winners And Losers by Hamilton Joe Frank And Reynolds (who got 3 keyword search votes), dropping from 20 to 46. The big jumper is (IN THE TOP 40-AGAIN).



Let's look at the 1's in our bop around the top songs of other years. Sometimes I think I only put the 90's in this to remind me of how badly music collapsed, since I very rarely know (or like) any of them. Anyway, this week in 1991, C&C Music Factory was at the top with Gonna Make You Sweat. Blondie was on top in 1981 with The Tide Is High, which also hit the top on the chart I kept back then. 1971's top dog this week was Lynn Anderson's Rose Garden (which is on our CD carousel at work). In 1961, this week was topped by the Shirelles' Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow.

This reminds me- a fond farewell to Gladys Horton, who died the 26th of last month at the age of 65. She was just 15 when as the lead singer for the Marvellettes, she hit #1 with Please Mr. Postman, the first Motown #1. She also had hits with songs like Don't Mess With Bill and Beachwood 45789.


In 1951, the top dog for 9 weeks was Patti Page's version of The Tennessee Waltz. Originally the back side of a Christmas tune called Boogie Woogie Santa Claus, Wikipedia claims that as of 1974, this was the biggest selling song ever in Japan, of all places. Now I could find no corroborating evidence on this claim (if any fans out there have any, send it my way), but along the way I learned that the biggest selling foreign song in Japan IS Beautiful Sunday by Daniel Boone, of all things. As Johnny Carson used to say, weird, wild stuff.



Entering the top 40 this week are 4 tunes. Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody enters at 37, up the standard 5 notches. Aerosmith's Dream On, in its 17th week spread over 2 releases, jumps from 44 to 33. The Big Jumper this week is actually the flip side of the song at #19, Elton John's Grow Some Funk Of Your Own. It's called I Feel Like A Bullet (In The Gun Of Robert Ford), and it climbs from 58 to 30, a 28 notch jump. Robert Ford was the man who cut a deal with the government for a full pardon if he killed Jesse James (which he did, but they almost didn't- he was actually sentenced to hang, but was let off at the last minute). Now, the song has nothing to do with him, just an analogy on a failed romance. (Sorry, no "Ringo" redux here.) And finally, jumping from 43 all the way to 25, the Captain and Tenille hit with one of my faves, Lonely Nights (Angel Face) .

Our almost but not quite this week is Paul Anka with his Kodak moment Times Of Your Life. You all know the story of TV jingle makes good; the part you don't know involves the song's writer, one Roger Nichols. Roger had started out as a singer; his debut album was co-written by Tony Asher, the wordsmith who worked with Brian Wilson on seven of the tunes on Pet Sounds, including Wouldn't It Be Nice and Caroline No. It wasn't a big seller, but it got him a job as a staff songwriter and an intro to Paul Williams. These two started off by pulling the same exact trick with the Carpenters' #1 We've Only Just Begun. They would also combine for the Carpenters' Rainy Days And Mondays and Three Dog Night's Out In The Country. For Paul Anka's part, it's worth noting that he actually did make it on the Billboard chart, peaking at #7; it hit the top on the Easy Listening (now known as Adult Contemporary) chart. However, here on the Cashbox chart, the journey ends at 17.



2 songs into the top ten, two come out. Falling are Walk Away From Love (8 to 11) and Fly Away (6 to 16).



Our tour of the #1 albums of the Seventies has crossed into 1974, where we find the first week held down by The Singles: 1969-1973 by the aforementioned Carpenters. This greatest hits collection contained (as a testament to their greatness) a #12, a #7, 2 #3s, 4 #2s, and 3 #1s, and included re-recorded versions of Top Of The World (since Karen didn't like something on her vocal track on the single) and Ticket To Ride ( the lone song that wasn't a big hit, reaching # 54). While Singles only topped the chart one week here, it spent 17 non-continuous weeks at the top in Merry Ol'.

The next 5 weeks were held down by Jim Croce's You Don't Mess Around With Jim. His second album, it contained the title track (#8), Operator(That's Not The Way It Feels) (#17, and PLEASE explain to me how this beautiful song didn't chart any higher), and the #1 ballad to his newborn, Time In A Bottle.

This takes us to February 16th, and Bob Dylan's first #1 album in 14 tries, Planet Waves. A collaboration with his old partners in The Band, Planet Waves had no singles and really shot up there more due to advance orders than actual point of purchase sales. Despite that, it would spend 4 weeks at the top. Noteworthy are two versions of the song Forever Young, which Bob said "I've had playing in my head for the last five years and I don't know how to do it." This is the song you hear redone by will.i.am on the Pepsi commercials from last summer.



All right, we've reached the business end of our trip! At #10, up 2 notches, the incredible Electric Light Orchestra, from the album Face The Music, and Evil Woman. Also up 2 to #9 are the Miracles sans Smokey and Love Machine (OOO HOOHOOOYYYEAH!!). Up 2 to #8 is the re imagining of Breaking Up Is Hard To Do by Neil Sedaka; and another two-notcher at #7, Earth Wind And Fire with Sing A Song. The Ohio Players fall a spot to 6 with Love Rollercoaster. Moving up (you guessed it!) 2 to #5 is the breathless Donna Summer with Love To Love You Baby. Hot Chocolate remains stuck on #4 with You Sexy Thing. Barry Manilow slips a spot to #3 with I Write The Songs; so does last week's top dog (or hog), CW McCall's Convoy. And that means we have a new #1 song! Climbing from 3 to 1 this week isssssss....





Paul Simon's 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover!

Okay, that's it for this week! Fly, robins, fly!

It's that time again...

Yep, here's our first "WHO'S DUMBER" of the year, and I have three contesting stories, many with multiple candidates for the award.

STORY #1: From Fox News:


Virginia Teen Suspended, Facing Criminal Charges for Shooting Plastic Spitballs in School
By Diane Macedo
The family of a Virginia teen suspended for the remainder of the school year for shooting plastic "spitwads" at students in the hallway is targeting the school district's zero-tolerance policy, claiming that it's "criminalizing childish behavior."
Andrew Mikel II, a freshman honor student at Spotsylvania High School who also is active in Junior ROTC, is filling an appeal to be reinstated and have his record cleared after school officials suspended him for using what appeared to be the hollow body of a pen to blow small plastic balls at three students during his lunch period last December.
The 14-year-old initially was hit with a 10-day suspension, but the Spotsylvania County School Board later voted to extend the punishment for the rest of the school year, citing the Student Code of Conduct's requirement that a student found with "any type of weapon, or object used to intimidate, threaten or harm others" be "expelled for a minimum of 365 days" unless "special circumstances exist."
The district also referred the case to the Spotsylvania Sheriff's Office, which charged him with three counts of misdemeanor assault.
As result Mikel entered a diversion program – which includes community service and substance abuse and anger management counseling – to avoid prosecution, but his father says his damaged record has shattered his hopes of attending the U.S. Naval Academy after graduation.
Capt. Liz Scott Spotsylvania Sherriff's Office says while Mikel's punishment may be controversial, "assault is assault is assault."

Anyone out there agree with THAT?

Citing the school's 'zero tolerance' policy, Assistant Principal Lisa Andruss at a December 21 disciplinary hearing said that Mikel presented a danger and that the boy's behavior was indicative of a trend because he was disciplined in seventh grade for shooting rubber bands with a ruler and suspended for three days in 8th grade for bringing a comb to school that resembled a pocket knife, his father said.
As a result, the guidance department said Andrew, who had hoped to attend the U.S. Naval Academy after graduation, can no longer be considered as an applicant, his father said.
"I'm scratching my head at the whole thing," Andrew Mikel Sr. told FoxNews.com. "One thing is he must attend substance abuse counseling – he's never had a substance abuse issue in his life."
The older Mikel, a 39-year-old former Navy Seabee and Marine officer, said he was shocked that his son's future could be so heavily affected over "a spitwad."
"Right from the get go the Assistant Principal Lisa Andruss said, 'Come pick up your son, he's being suspended for 10 days, we're recommending expulsion, and we're going to push this to the fullest extent of the law," he told FoxNews.com. "When I arrived she showed me what amounts to a pee shooter: a plastic pen casing about four inches long and these little plastic balls that he'd had from a toy guy that he had years ago and found in his closet recently. This thing is harmless."
His father says he tried to talk Andruss into giving his son a more lenient punishment, but Mikel said she had already had his son interrogated by police and her mind was made up.
"I tried to talk to her and say, 'We understand this is wrong, but doesn't this seem a little excessive?' And she was just dead set this was what they were going to do," the older Mikel said.
Two disciplinary hearings later, on January 18, the school board voted to suspend the teen for the rest of the year.
"What happened to Andrew Mikel is an example of how oppressive zero tolerance policies have become," said John Whitehead, president of The Rutherford Institute, which is representing Mikel Jr. "School officials have developed a very dangerous mindset that allows virtually no freedom for students, while at the same time criminalizing childish behavior."
Still, even school officials were divided on the issue.
Principal Russell Davis called it a "clear-cut case" for a minimum "365 day expulsion," in an email to Andruss and Spotsylvania's coordinator of school safety, John Lynn. The email was one of several documents secured by the Mikels through a Freedom of Information Act request.
"We have an obligation to protect the students in our building from others who pose a threat to the over-all safe learning environment," Davis wrote.
Lynn, on the other hand, wrote in the same string of emails that he was "not at all comfortable expelling or suspending this student for the remainder of the year," recommending instead that Mikel be allowed to return to school after his initial 10-day suspension.
Mikel says he thinks detention probably would have been more fitting.
"My son did an infraction and he deserves a just punishment but this is like cutting someone's hand off for stealing a piece of cabbage," he said. "If my son, instead of shooting a spitball, went up and punched a student right in the face he would only have gotten five days suspension and even if he'd drawn blood the school resource officer said police still wouldn't have gotten involved."
"It takes four state agencies to go after someone with a spitwad: It takes the sheriff's department, the commonwealth attorney, the school board on various levels and the department of juvenile justice … what a fine use of taxpayer resources," he added.
Whitehead says he will appeal the decision next week and hopes to have the teen's record expunged.

This is what years of (the other "L" word) theories on education and discipline have brought us to... a teacher can't even raise their voice to an unruly child without getting dressed down by the principal, and yet you can get a criminal record for shooting spitwads. I'm honestly thinking of renaming these columns who ISN'T dumber?

Story #2: a couple of articles from CBSSports, that you'll soon understand why I blended together. First, an op-ed about baseball players whose huge contracts and piddly performance got them voted by baseball executives on to the top ten untradeable contracts list. Here are some exerpts:

1. Oliver Perez, Mets, 1 year, $12 million. Other players are owed much more money, and obviously, the Mets could trade Perez by accepting a much larger bad contract in return. Perez still takes top spot on this list because, as one rival executive said, "You can't even use him." Perez was so useless that the Mets basically played with a 24-man roster for all of August,
because ownership refused to release him. There's a general assumption that Perez will be released this spring, just another reason he tops this list. "If you even wanted him, you could just wait until they release him, and then get him for nothing," another executive said. "So why trade for him?" You wouldn't. He's untradeable -- I think.

....

5. Francisco Rodriguez, Mets, 1 year, $11.5 million, with a $17.5 million vesting option. The option is the problem, even more than K-Rod's declining stuff or his legal issues. It vests with only 54 games finished, which means he has a good year and you're paying him way too much in 2012, or he has a bad year and you're paying him way too much this year. So the Mets get two of the first five spots on the list, and it could well have been more than that, since Luis Castillo (1 year, $6 million), Carlos Beltran (1 year, $18.5 million) and even Johan Santana (3 years, $72 million coming off shoulder surgery) also received votes.

Okay, so now you're saying to yourself, "How could the Mets organization be so stupid as to spend so much money on so many unperforming players (keeping in mind that with sports salaries, waste is relative)?" Well, read the other story and see if you can't figure it out:

Madoff lawsuit: Mets owners owe victims $300M.
NEW YORK -- The owners of the Mets turned a blind eye to Bernard Madoff's massive fraud, reaping $300 million in false profits and using a large chunk to run the team, according to a lawsuit unsealed Friday.

The lawsuit claims the owners were so dependent on the disgraced financier's too-good-to-be-true returns that it "faced a severe and immediate liquidity crisis" when Madoff's crimes were revealed in 2009.
The searing allegations were made by Irving Picard, the trustee appointed to recover funds for investors burned by Madoff's scheme. The suit filed by Picard in federal bankruptcy court in Manhattan names Sterling Equities, along with its partners and family members, including Met owner Fred Wilpon, team president Saul Katz and chief operating Jeff Wilpon, the owner's son.
"Given Sterling's dependency on Madoff, it comes as no surprise that the partners willfully turned a blind eye to every red flag of fraud before them," Fernando A. Bohorquez, Jr., a lawyer representing Picard, said Friday.
The complaint alleges the partnership "received approximately $300 million in fictitious profits" from hundreds of accounts opened with Madoff's firm. Of that, it says, $90 million of "other people's money" were withdrawn to cover day-to-day operations of the Mets.
Wilpon and Katz fired back Friday with a statement calling the suit "an outrageous strong-arm effort to force a settlement by threatening to ruin our reputations and businesses we built for over 50 years."
The pair called the accusations "abusive, unfair and untrue," insisting they were victims of the fraud.
"We should not be made victims twice over - the first time by Madoff and again by the trustee," they wrote.

Victims? Victims are people who trust someone (as in Madoff or the regulators who were supposedly watching him) and get took. "Damn, I hope he don't get caught" doesn't qualify. Read on.

The lawsuit said Wilpon and Katz had meetings with Madoff in his office at least once a year, a privilege few investors enjoyed, and Katz at times spoke directly with Madoff at least once a day.
The suit has cast a cloud over the Mets ownership, which has said it's exploring a partial sale of the team. (Gee I wonder why THAT is.) But Wilpon and Katz denied Friday that the operation was ever dependent on Madoff.
The lawsuit describes the Sterling Partners as "a team of sophisticated professionals who built a business empire spanning four major industries, including real estate, professional baseball and sports media, private equity and hedge funds."
It says Sterling Partners "willfully disregarded any criticisms of Madoff and simply buried their heads in the sand" during a nearly quarter-century relationship in which it supported its substantial business empire with Madoff money and reaped the benefits of bogus profits.
The firm was "simply in too deep ... to do anything but ignore the gathering clouds," the lawsuit says. "In the face of the parade of red flags, the Sterling Partners chose to do nothing."
Numerous financial industry professionals over the years warned Sterling about Madoff and speculated that he was operating a fraud, including one Sterling consultant who advised Saul Katz in 2003 that he "couldn't make Bernie's math work and something wasn't right," the court papers say.
In 1996, it says, multiple banks refused to serve as custodian of Sterling's 401K plan because of concerns about Madoff's lack of transparency and inability to provide daily account balance information.
At one point after several financial news publications raised questions about the Madoff business in May 2001, Sterling considering getting fraud insurance that would have included a Ponzi scheme but Sterling ultimately rejected the insurance because coverage limits meant most of their money was uninsurable, according to the court papers.

Now, show of hands of those still wondering how they could blow money on Oliver Perez et al.

Story #3: Could I possibly get through the first WD of the year without giving a shout-out to President Obama and his merry minions? Again, Fox News:

Ex-Ambassador Left Luxembourg Embassy in 'State of Dysfunction,' Watchdog Finds
By William Lajeunesse

Described as "aggressive, bullying, hostile, and intimidating," President Obama's ambassador to Luxembourg left the U.S. embassy there "in a state of dysfunction" and unable to carry out its duties after her recent exit, according to report released this week by the State Department Inspector General.
Cynthia Stroum, one of President Obama’s top 25 fundraisers -- a bundler who raised more than $500,000 for the his campaign -- was chosen for ambassador in 2009. (and isn't that all the qualifications any ambassador for
our country needs?) Since then, auditors say her autocratic, bossy and demanding style led to complete failure of the embassy in Luxembourg's ability to function as an arm of the U.S. government in one of the world's smallest and wealthiest nations.
"Morale among Americans and local staff is very low, and stress levels are high," said the audit. "Most employees describe the Ambassador as aggressive, bullying, hostile, and intimidating, which has resulted in an extremely difficult, unhappy and uncertain work environment."
And "the apparent nonstop requirements from the Ambassador" compromised service and cost U.S. taxpayers dearly, according to the audit. A popular website among the foreign service, Diplopundit, calls the audit "The Horror Report of the Year."
Stroum, who had no apparent qualifications for the job,(Oh, I guess I was wrong) quit last week, citing business and family obligations. Sources tell Fox News the White House gave her no option after reading the scathing IG report.
- Stroum wrongly threatened embassy staff that "her appointment letter from the President gave her the right to read any email messages" they wrote, and staff had "no expectation of privacy" in their e-mail or phone calls.
- For 6 weeks, multiple employees worked full-time to find Stroum a "suitable temporary residence." They screened 200 residences and visited 30-40 houses in Luxembourg. Stroum rejected them all, again costing taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars unnecessarily.
- Stroum rushed to spend $3,400 in Embassy funds on European wine and liquor before the end of the year, even though State Department rules say “in no case, is the post authorized to use excess year-end funds to purchase wine." Secondly, all wine is supposed to be American.
- After learning about a school in Switzerland that trained employees to work in places such as Buckingham Palace, Stroum and an assistant flew to Switzerland solely to hire a chef, billing taxpayers more than $1,200 for the trip and ignoring embassy rules to hire locally.
Since 1989, Stroum, an heir to a Seattle auto parts fortune, personally gave Democratic candidates more than $150,000, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, including President Obama and Washington Sens. Maria Cantwell and Patty Murray.

I'm sure the president thought that HIS vast experience for his job as a brief career in political activism seems to be enough to be president, it should be enough for ambassador to a small-but-rich-and-influential ally. Now, when reporters ask Obama about his "war", it won't be the one in Iraq or Afghanistan. It will be the one he started with Luxembourg. That will put him in fine company with the last three guys that started wars in Luxembourg: Louis XIV, Wilhelm the second, and, oh, that guy with the big mouth and cheesy little moustache (Sorry, can't use the "H" word, guys.)