The Time Machine beauty contest!

Pre-post update:  Cashbox has a "holder page" up as of checking things at 10:10 PM, but is not yet up.  Therefore our regularly scheduled program is pre-empted by:



I’m doing this Wednesday night in case of Cashbox still being down Friday.  If I find it’s back up by then, I’ll fit this in at another point.  My bright idea was, How about I take all the women that hit #1 on the 20th of January, and have a beauty contest?  So I pirated  found the most flattering pics (to me) of each contestant, and grouped them into, well, groups.

Group #1 is, of course, groups.  Seeings as a) I didn’t want to split them up, and b)Beyonce’s in one of the groups, I decided I’ll do them on their own.
  Here are the contestants:

The Boswell Sisters, who hit #1 in 1935 with The Object Of My Affection;

The Andrews Sisters, who made it in 1938 with Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen and in 1950 with I Can Dream, Can’t I;

Dawn (skip the ugly one in the middle) who topped the chart in 1971 with Knock Three Times;

and Destiny’s Child, who were at #1 in 2001 with Independent Women.
In all fairness, Beyonce getting two shots isn’t fair, and Telma Hopkins isn’t really my cup o’ tea, so I’ll take Patty, Maxine, and Laverne.  Besides, I Can Dream, Can’t I is basically the theme song to this post.

Now, the rest of our lovely ladies I’m dividing up into three classes.  The first group I’m calling, “nice pipes, but this is a beauty contest”:

Patti Page, who topped the pops in 1951 with The Tennessee Waltz;

The magnificent Kate Smith who topped the chart in 1932 with River, Stay ‘Way From My Door (with Guy Lombardo’s orchestra);

Singer and comedienne Ada Jones, who topped the charts in 1913 with Row! Row! Row!;

Ke$ha, who led the league two years ago with Tik Tok;

Evelyn Knight, at #1 in 1949 with A Little Bird Told Me;

Lady Gaga, at #1 in 2009 with Just Dance;

and Diana Ross who had the Theme From Mahogany at #1 in 1976.

Our second category is the beauty pageant’s version of Almost But Not Quite:

Dionne Warwick, who joined her friends in 1986 with That’s What Friends Are For;

Madonna, who was Like A Virgin back in 1985;

Whitney Houston, who really sunk her chances with me with I Will Always Love You in 1993;

Toni Braxton, who was #1 in 1997 with Un-break My Heart;

and Christina Aguilera, who was on top in 2000 with What A Girl Wants.

That brings us to the final eight:

Rhianna, on top currently with We Found Love;

Beyonce, who topped this week in 2007 with Irreplaceable;

Mariah Carey, who was #1 in 1996 with One Sweet Day;

Carly Simon, at #1 in 1973 with You’re So Vain;

Brandy, the top of 1999 with Have You Ever;

Petula Clark, the #1 song in 1965 with Downtown;

Here’s one outta left field- Joan Webber, who hit the top in 1955 with Let Me Go, Lover;

And the late, great, Karen Carpenter, who was at #1 with her brother in 1975 with Please Mr. Postman.

Anyone wants to pitch in their votes, go right ahead.  For me, the eyes have it- and that means the first annual (Hey, who said I’m doing this again!!??!) Time Machine Beauty contest goes to-

Brandy!

That’s all from the spacious Martin Theatre for this one, kids.  I’m gonna go cue up the Andrews Sisters.