Dear blog...

I thought I'd talk to you tonight.  You see, this is a night on which Laurie has to work, the Reds and A's both played early, and nobody's doing much on Facebook ( with the exception of someone who posted they were being threatened and about 20 minutes later posted everything's fine, no need for the police... yeesh!)  I guess you could say I'm bored.

Tried reading blogs, news, whatever... other than the Premier of Belarus claiming he caught a bigger fish than Putin, nothing much there.  Weeded through the blogs I follow that are no longer posting- removed the ones that have been removed (and one I'm apparently no longer invited to), left open some that just post every other blue moon.  Gave a sad thought for those who just sorta drifted off...

Read my Bible chapters- tonight was Mark.  Made me think of how we sometimes get a headache defending our faith, and this reading was nothing but Pharisees bitching because Jesus was doing the job they wouldn't.  Monday was Malachi- nothing but priests bitching about "having" to serve God, and Matthew Tuesday was John the Baptist doing the same at Pharisees trying to be in with the in crowd.  Think we're looking at a less-than-sunny Sunday message here, folks.

(Oh, that reminds me.  Nain's court report included a dude from Kenya who went to the International Court of Justice to have Jesus' conviction by Pilate overturned- after having the case booted from the Kenya Supreme Court due to "lack of jurisdiction".)

Listen to music for a while; just not getting the vibe.  E Mail the Forgotten Hits blog about "songs that make you want to put a sharpened pencil through your eye".  Let you know how that one flies.

Scrappy tries to suck up for a treat, but he ate poop tonight, so no dice.

Look through old tweets to see if anyone ever replied.  Not that I blame them; I really only use Twitter at trading deadline (passed at 4 PM), draft day, and when I'm super bored.

Check e mail for 150th time.  Nothing that wouldn't be happier in the "deleted" file.

Look into having dinner.  I'm not that hungry, and the cupboard's pretty bare anyway.

Do you know I finally (hopefully, I'll have to call tomorrow) go back to work Monday?  The nice thing is, it's a job I like, I do decent at, and it'll keep me from two-hour naps during Father Knows Best on Antenna TV.  Bad thing? Re-learning how to get up at 5 AM, and the whole alarm thing.

I've tried to come up with projects here and there.  Started a comic book.  A story fairly heavily cribbed from youthful events with a heavy dose of father-son (me being son) catharsis.  But I came to realize two things about the story.  One, it is based on getting super powers in a Faustian deal in which the more you use them, you go from having visions of yourself at your worst level to (eventually) acting out a scene from your worst level for each time you do something good.  On the one level, it was intended (though not gotten to yet) that it would be a handed-down-father-to-son thing, explaining some of the things the father went through to make him the excuse of a man the son knew; the other level would have been the son's slow descent TO that level, and I decided I didn't want to gouge into those areas beyond my own head.  Plus, I can write the stuff fine, but drawing it takes so much time I get bored waiting to catch up to where the story has raced off to.

Decided to go outside and talk to God.  Instead, my mind starts writing this.  I remember in a comic book once, Klaw asked Doctor Doom, "You narrate your life as you go along, don't you?"  and Doom admitted he had a recorder running at all times to save his wisdom for posterity.  I'm not as vain as Doom, and to me it just gets annoying.  I told God, "I came out to talk to you, but all I am accomplishing is talking to myself."  And then I asked myself the big question:  Is that all I EVER do?

Not because God isn't there, or isn't listening.  But because it's one more thing I'd like to control.  But I can't control it.  Any more than I can get through a day without having to get up asking for forgiveness in the morning.  And it's not JUST overt sin, it's all the little "Well, God will understand" things I do and half the time don't even notice.  If it wasn't for Revelation 21:5-

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new!


-I wouldn't bother getting up most mornings.  And I could use it being morning right now...

And I check the e-mail again.  And Facebook.  And Twitter.  Al Penwasser's played on Words with friends, but all I have is a "u".  Ubi, eru, and du didn't work, so I guess I'll pass.

I've told a few of you before about my old Pastor.  One thing I may not have mentioned is that he had the sweetest mother on the face of the earth.  When her husband passed away, she emotionally collapsed.  It wasn't that I couldn't do anything to help, it was that NO ONE could do anything to help.  Her world had completely come off it's moorings, and it wasn't going to re-attach.  Now, mind you, she could still basically take care of herself (in an assisted living setting) but she wasn't who she was.  Or maybe, she was ONLY who she was, and who she was was now half gone.

Nights like this, I wonder what will happen to me if I end up having to spend the end of my life alone. Hell, I have a hard enough time imagining life without Scrappy.  I hope in the back of my mind we go out for a walk one day and both get hit by a meteor (well, WAAAAAAY in the back.)

The internet is a great thing, don't get me wrong.  But on nights like this, when nobody's posting, no one's e-mailing, and a post I did three days ago and thought, "now there's one I might even lose readers over" gets only two (very nice and quite amusing) comments -  well I guess I'll go look at the fridge one more time.