The soundtrack of your life, Chris Martin!

Fellow blogger Robin was the first I ran into doing this idea- what songs make up the soundtrack to your life?  She has really made it a musical autobiography, and others I know have also done some form of the same thing.  I wondered what would go into mine today, and here is what I mused on.


It is hard to pick out specific songs-specific incidents for me as Robin is doing.  Some of the songs that really get to me (witness Jacob And Two Women on last week's Time Machine) have no connection to anything at all.  So the "pick songs that really get to you" thing doesn't apply here.  Sometimes a memory bubble just forms around a way I felt at one time I heard a song.  For example, Boston's Peace Of Mind always takes me back to a summer afternoon after I got the grass cut, listening to the radio and watching a thunderstorm roll in.  Another was an evening I was watching the sun go down, listening to an AM station from out of town barely coming in, playing John Stewart's Lost Her In The Sun as I slowly lost the station.

A rare quartet of songs have the ability to take me back as if I was hearing them for the first time, as if it was brand new.  Those four songs are two by the Four Seasons- Working My Way Back To You and Let's Hang On!- and two by the Beatles- Paperback Writer and Nowhere Man.  None of these have a specific memory tied to it (except after the fact.  One time at my old job, the floor supervisor and I were talking to our department head -a 26-year old, about ten years ago- and he mentioned the plant manager didn't have a point of view.  The floor boss and I immediately broke into, "Knows not where he's going to, isn't he a bit like you and me...".  Our boss said, "What the hell are you guys doing?" having no idea about the Beatles other than a vague idea that they sang and played with simple stone instruments.)

In my school days, every now and then a song would wrap itself around a certain girl.  For example, a crush I had as a freshman got tied into The Things We do For Love for no better reason than I developed the crush in like February or March, when we had no choice but to go "walking in the rain and the snow, when there's nowhere to go..."  Another got looped into Saved By Zero because the song was playing during a dream I had with her in it.  One of the first was a girl who became lodged in Top Of The World, because in my imagination she looked like I thought Karen Carpenter (whom I'd not seen yet) looked.  Would have been better advised to hook her to Sister Golden Hair, which I'm surprised I didn't.  Another girl would be surprised to know that she had Ian Matthews' Shake It attached to her- for no better reason than her and a friend were always speaking Spanish 101 Espanol together, and the line "She has a purse that was made in Mexico..."

Some songs get stuck in places.  Moonlight Feels Right drifts along a Georgia road on a trip with my brother's family; Pilot's Magic is with them again at Fawn Forest campground.  Maybe the most vivid was at Snow Lake, drifting through the channel into Lake James as Wishing You Were Here played on the eight track.

Some songs get the benefit of hearing through a child's not-quite understanding ears... that lends a special touch an adult can't explain to songs like Angel Of The Morning and Love Child.

One really solid block comes from the nights of my youth listening to the great Ron Gregory on WOWO.  A handful of songs always take me there:  Who Loves You; Evil Woman; S.O.S.; My Little Town; Bad Blood; Art Garfunkel's Breakaway.  Feelings... nothing more than feelings...

But in the end, there are a small select group of certain songs to go with certain events.  One of the most powerful is A Long December.  If you don't know this story, read it here. 


Another was when my baby niece died.  In between the funeral home and the church, the radio played the Guess Who's Share The Land.


Maybe I'll be there to shake your hand (Shake your hand)
Maybe I'll be there to share the land (Share the land)
That they'll be givin' away
When we all live together, together together

(Shake your hand, share the land)
You know I'll be standing by to help you if you worry
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Now more sadness, no more sorrow, and no more bad times
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Everyday comin' sunshine, everyday everybody laughin'
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Walkin' together by the river, walkin' together and laughin'
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Everybody singin' together, everybody singin' and laughin'
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Good times, good times, everybody walkin' by the river now
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Walkin', singin', talkin', smilin', laughin' diggin' each other
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Everybody happy together, I'll be there to worry you if you need-a me
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Call on me, call on me, call my name, I'll be runnin' to help you
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Everybody walkin' by the river now, everyday everybody laughin'
(Shake your hand, share the land)
Everybody singin' and talkin', smilin', laughin', diggin' each other


That is why somebody had better play this at my wake as I have instructed, or my ghost will RAIN HELL ON YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!


When my father passed, the Highwaymen had just released their second single- Desperadoes Waiting For A Train.  It was an idealised look at Dad for me- certainly nothing like our real life relationship- and one I desperately needed.


One day I looked up, and he's pushing 80
And there's brown tobacco stains all down his chin
To me he's one of the heroes of this country
So why is he all dressed up like them old men?
Drinkin' beer and playing Moon in 42

[All]
Like desperados waiting for a train
Like desperados waiting for a train

[Nelson]
The day before he died, I went to see him
I was grown, and he was almost gone
[Cash]
So we just closed our eyes and dreamed of supper kitchens
And sang another verse to that old song
[Jennings spoken]
Come on Jack, that son-of-a-gun's a-comin'.

[All]
Like desperados waiting for a train
Like desperados waiting for a train
Like desperados waiting for a train
Like desperados waiting for a train


And lastly, the one that had the most profound impact on me personally.  It was nearing the end (though we didn't know it at the time) of my marriage.  I had tried to feel like an adult, like I knew what I was doing.  It was easy to make myself believe it, especially with my wife being so willfully clueless about life.  But my base, my self concept, had been slowly eroding beneath me while I pretended not to notice.  Then one night as we lay in bed, I heard Radiohead's Creep for the first time:


When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here....


And I said to myself, "THAT is how I feel right now."  And with that self admission, my whole personality structure collapsed in one big smouldering heap.  It took me months to get my head anywhere close to straight, including a vacation week away from wife and kids.  Several dozen things had to come to a head, from my concept of how God sees things to what I really wanted out of life.  What I would settle for and what I wouldn't.  And one of those lines my wife crossed about three times too many- including the very day I tried to explain it to her- and from there it was just a matter of time.


So, Chris, nothing happy on the soundtrack?  Are you kidding?  ALL my music makes me happy.  But it doesn't have to tie to anything earth shattering.  Just moments in time.  Pauses between breaths.  Rolls between waves.  Or in instrumentals like A Summer Place, Kai Winding's More, or Love Is Blue, the soaring flight from one cloud to the next.  And that is my soundtrack.