Happy Birthday to me

Yes, 54 years ago at 4:59 PM (or 5:49, I can never remember which), I was born.  To celebrate, I thought I would share with you some of the great things that happened that same day in history- which, though great, pale in comparison to my own remarkable birth.

In 1770, 14-year-old Marie Antoinette married the future Louis the XVI, starting her on a path that would lead here to riches, fame, and a severe neck ache.

Apologies to Gotye, this was too funny

In 1843, the first wagon train set out on the Oregon Trail.  The band Lighthouse would later do a song called 1849 that contained these lyrics...

They packed a trunk full of china, a bible or two
A shotgun for Leroy, a pistol for Lou
A pretty dress for Sarah and a hat for sister Fay
No one thought their greed for gold
Would change their lives someday...

...followed sadly later by...


Was a trunk full of china all broken in two
A shotgun for Leroy that he used on Lou
A pretty dress for Sarah that they used to bury Fay
No one thought their greed for gold
Would change their lives that way....


In 1866, Andrew Johnson became the first President to escape impeachment, by a single vote.

In 1888, Emile Berliner came up with the first flat-disc phonograph record.  It was a recording of 10-year-old Keith Richards covering Lay Down Sally, I think.


In 1914 the American Horseshoe Pitchers Association was born in Kansas City, thus giving Americans something to do while drinking and before fireworks on the Fourth Of July for the next 102 years.


In 1920, Joan of Arc was canonized.  Why?  Because they didn't have cannons back in 1431, so they had to BBQ her.

In 1929 the first Academy Awards were passed out.  I think that best actor went to 8-year-old Harrison Ford for Star Wars:  The Old Beginning.  Just five months or so later, the stock market crashed.  Even then, those damned Hollywood leftists.


In 1939, the very first MLB night baseball game was played at Shibe Park in Philadelphia.  The Athletics and Indians went to the tenth tied at three when Ray Parmalee, in his third inning of relief, walked four guys- including three of the first four- the defense chipped in a pair of run scoring fielder's choices, and the Tribe won 8-3.  Cleveland would go on to finish 20 games over .500- and 17 behind the as-usual rampaging Yankees.  The A's ended up 51 1/2 games out- and still cleared the last place St Louis Browns by 13.

In 1944, the Romas (gypsies) imprisoned at Auschwitz-Birkenau defied their SS captors- with sticks and tools, they held off their execution in the gas chambers for 78 desperate days.  Salute to them!


In 1960, the first laser was fired by Theodore Maiman.    The lead Dalek was destroyed, but others adapted their shields to the new weapon and Maiman died screaming.  Oh, wait...


In 1969, the Soviets probe Venera V entered the atmosphere of Venus.  It lasted 53 minutes before becoming a smaller, crumpled version of Joan Of Arc.

In 1975, after leading his nation for the last 30-odd years, Marshall Tito had himself elected President-For Life in Yugoslavia.  He died less than 6 years later, so he could have saved the constitutional change and just got elected one more time.

Also in '75, Junko Tabei of Japan became the first woman to reach the summit of Mt Everest.  Her first words at the top were, "それは女性専用トイレを見つけるためだけに行くには長い道のりでした."*

* "That was a long way to go just to find a female-only restroom."

WTH are you sayin', Lenny?

And finally, some of the famous people who were wise enough to pick my birthday to share...

Janet Jackson
Liberace
Russian Olympian Olga Korbut
Henry Fonda
Baseball manager Billy Martin (no relation, but you could fool a person)
and Pierce Brosnan.