Newspage Go!

Boy, if I wondered what I was going to bug y'all with today, I needed go no further than FoxNews's front page to figure it out.


HEADLINE # 1

John Schneider speaks out before heading to jail: 'I'm disheartened with the system but my head's up'

Bo Duke, going to jail?  Did Roscoe catch him at last?  No, his 3-day incarceration is for being broke with an ex-wife.

From TMZ:

John was given a March deadline to pay up more than $150,000.  The judge at the time told him he had to transfer his property to Elvira (the ex) to square things away, and he also had to resolve tax liens against the property.

He didn't ... so, now, in addition to the jail time, he'll have to do 240 hours of community service.

Okay, you starred in TWO TV shows, made three incredible country lps (that I owned, thus taking care of MY share) , hit country #1 FOUR times, and now you're broke, owe alimony, and it's the SYSTEM'S fault?  Well, at least we know WHERE his head is up...


HEADLINE # 2

La. woman, 20, allegedly beats man who just had brain surgery, killing him

She and two friends were being idiots, throwing bottles into the river, and the gentleman in question asked them to desist.  Offended by being asked to act like human beings, and the girl in question hit him where bone had been removed to remove a brain tumor 3 weeks before.

She and the idiot on the left are booked for second degree murder; loser #3 got released on a disturbing the peace.

My instant opinion:  The tumor removed from the deceased had more brain power that all three of them put together.


HEADLINE #3

Chelsea Clinton fires back at critics who compare her to 'Howdy Doody'

I almost shot right past this one.  Chelsea's defense was, "I now know a bit about him, including that he stood up to bullies & believed in being kind to animals.  I’m always happy to be on the side of allyship & kindness. Thanks again!"

Gee, and here I thought it was about the wooden head part...


HEADLINE # 4

CNN star slammed for 'obnoxious' grandstanding during historic summit

I bet you can't guess this was about Jim Acosta.  After being the handpicked representative of the American media and using it to prove how inane and rude he can be, One can only say two things.  First, CNN has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they don't care who knows how stupid they are ( a matter Acosta settled for himself long ago).  Second, I bet Kim Fatty leaned over to Trump and said, "I take care of him for you for one nuke".  And got it.


HEADLINE # 5

FBI agent who accidentally fired gun while dancing turns himself in, could face assault charge

Normally, I would say, "This one speaks for itself."  But let's add in a quote from his unintended victim which tends to overthrow the old maxim about opposites attracting:

"We sat down at one of those picnic tables -- I heard a loud bang and I thought some idiot set off a firecracker," Reddington told ABC News' "Good Morning America" last week.

"Then I looked down at my leg and see some brown residue ... I'm still thinking it's a firework ... all of a sudden from the knee down my leg became completely red. And that's when it clicked in my head, 'Oh, I've been shot.'"

HEADLINE # 6


In-N-Out temporarily closed all Texas locations due to bad buns

Which of course, reminded me of...

HEADLINE # 7

And this one is definitely "best for last" territory...


Trump shows off 'The Beast' to Kim during historic Singapore summit


In other news, Kim Fatty joins the #MeToo movement...