Martin World News- who's dumber edition

Rarely have I seen a news site's front page so littered with head-shaking stupidity as today's Fox News.  And it really didn't even require political help!  let me show you what I mean...


CASE # 1- A touch of the hypochondriac idiot






This is actress Joey King.  Rather, this is her before she had to shave her hair for a part.  Then she takes a plane trip, and...


"Y’all I’m on a plane & this man next to me literally turned to me with his phone in my face & took a photo of me as if I wouldn’t notice & texted his wife ..."

Oh, so the guy is excited to be next to a celebrity, right?  Not quite.  Read this from the follow-up tweet Joey posted...


"I read his text over his shoulder it said “some bald chick next to me with Fckn cancer coughed and I don’t wanna catch it”.....um ya jokin?"

Uh, dude?  If common sense doesn't function in your locale, read this from the American Cancer Society"

"Cancer is NOT contagious. A healthy person cannot “catch” cancer from someone who has it. There is no evidence that close contact or things like sex, kissing, touching, sharing meals, or breathing the same air can spread cancer from one person to another."


See, you have nothing to worry about with cancer.  With your IQ, though, the part about sex, kissing, touching, etc., might be a bit dicey, too.  Better hang onto that wife...


Case #2- Um, isn't the job of marketing to get NEW business?

Victoria Secret's CMO, Ed Razek, apparently had a bit of a rough interview the other day with Vogue magazine.  Among other things, he claimed that nobody wants to look at "curvier" models, no one wants to hire curvier models, and nobody wants to watch a transsexual fashion show.  Now, I am not a fashion expert, but my preferred models don't look like Al Penwasser's roomates...

...nevertheless, he's free to opine however he chooses... but he MIGHT want to consider the opening he gave rival ThirdLove's CEO Heidi Zak to make him look bad... and how she MIGHT want to take out a full-page ad in the NYTimes to do it...


"I was appalled when I saw the demeaning comments about women your Chief Marketing Officer, Ed Razek, made to Vogue last week. As hard as it is to believe, he said the following: “We attempted to do a television special for plus-sizes [in 2000]. No one had any interest in it, still don’t.” “It’s like, why doesn’t your show do this? Shouldn’t you have transsexuals in the show? No. No, I don’t think we should. Well, why not? Because the show is a fantasy.”

" How in 2018 can the CMO of any public company — let alone one that claims to be for women — make such shocking, derogatory statements?

You market to men and sell a male fantasy to women. But at ThirdLove, we think beyond, as you said, a “42-minute entertainment special.” Your show may be a “fantasy” but we live in reality. Our reality is that women wear bras in real life as they go to work, breastfeed their children, play sports, care for ailing parents, and serve their country. 
Haven’t we moved beyond outdated ideas of femininity and gender roles? It’s time to stop telling women what makes them sexy — let us decide. "

You have to admire one thing about ThirdLove- at least they are smart enough to look outside their window to see what their customers are really like, and smart enough to put a woman in charge of selling women's clothes.


CASE #3- No, not THAT kinda bomb...

Meet Arthur Posey.  Arthur came to Willie's Chicken Shack in NOLA and got into an argument with staff there.  It got "heated", and apparently the angrier he gets, the dumber he gets...


According to the warrant, the restaurant’s manager said that a man later identified as Posey went into the restaurant and approached the food preparation area, then asked her what time the restaurant closed. She told the man she did not know when the restaurant closed, the manager told police. The manager stated the man, who wore a green hat, blue jacket and carried a white bag, then replied, “Y’all about to close right now because I’m going to get a bomb and blow this place up.”


However, when N'awlins Finest caught up to him a short time later...

Shortly after police were made aware of the bomb threat at the Canal Street restaurant, an officer confronted Posey inside a business in the next block, where the officer saw Posey enter.

Posey claimed to the officer he told a male employee he was going to “’blow the bathroom up,’ in reference to a bowel movement,” the warrant states. 

Obviously once he calms down, his "Bruce Banner" persona has a cuppa and figures out "best excuses out of this mess."  Me, I'm not seeing this on the "best excuses" list personally, but perhaps the restaurant across the street was Taco Bell.


CASE # 4- UK's NHS will have to work hard to top this one...


Have an upcoming surgery at the University of Colorado Hospital?  Better think twice...


A 73-year-old Colorado woman undergoes four hours of dialysis three days a week after she claims doctors erroneously removed both of her healthy kidneys six months ago. Linda Woolley, who is now on a transplant waiting list, claims doctors at the University of Colorado Hospital thought she had kidney cancer.

According to a FOX 31 investigation, a March 2018 biopsy report allegedly showed “no evidence of malignancy,” but two months later both of Woolley’s organs were removed.

Not only did the TV station's investigation find that there was no evidence of cancer 2 months before the operation, but also found no signs there was ever any cancer in a follow-up biopsy!  But did the U of C admit and apologize?  Well...

The hospital hasn't offered Linda an  apology or the Problem Solvers an explanation. Instead it won't even acknowledge Linda was a patient despite her willingness to sign a patient privacy release form.

In other words, they are playing full-court CYA in anticipation of the YUUUUGE settlement they'll be paying out here in a couple of years.  Perhaps the State of Colorado should have restricted the legalization of marijuana to locales OUTSIDE the U of CH.


CASE # 5- Proof that any political persuasion can have stupid people.

This time our idiot is Washington State football coach Mike Leach, who would be considered a genius if you put a fence around the football field and kept him inside.  This time, the pirate who has a wooden leg because he can't keep a foot out of his mouth somehow forgot that among his other duties, a Power Five conference coach is expected to be a positive with potential donors...

Washington State football coach Mike Leach’s tweet of a fake video of former President Barack Obama cost the school more than $1 million in donations, a school official said last week.

Donors altered future estate gifts after Leach tweeted and then defended the fake video in June, university President Kirk Schulz said. A school spokesperson later confirmed that number was around $1.6 million, the Seattle Times reported.

The edited video featured a doctored track that made Obama appear to make statements he didn’t actually make in a 2014 speech.


Leach deleted the original tweet after being blasted online. He then tweeted out the complete text of Obama’s speech the following day.

Mike, let me clue you into two things you forgot.  1- The donor thing.  2- You coach in the Pacific Northwest, home of the $15 an hour minimum wage.  MIGHT just want to keep your political leanings (and your lack of tact) to yourself.


CASE #6- Bill being Bill

Laurie's number one favorite human being, Bill Maher, had a few choice things to say when Comics legend Stan Lee passed away last week.

“The guy who created Spider-Man and the Hulk has died, and America is in mourning. Deep, deep mourning for a man who inspired millions to, I don’t know, watch a movie, I guess,” he wrote. “Someone on Reddit posted, “I'm so incredibly grateful I lived in a world that included Stan Lee.” Personally, I’m grateful I lived in a world that included oxygen and trees, but to each his own.”

Maher went on to chide comic book fans noting that, when he was young, it was understood that they were just for children and that people were supposed to grow up and move on to “big-boy books without the pictures.”

“But then twenty years or so ago, something happened – adults decided they didn’t have to give up kid stuff. And so they pretended comic books were actually sophisticated literature. And because America has over 4,500 colleges – which means we need more professors than we have smart people – some dumb people got to be professors by writing theses with titles like Otherness and Heterodoxy in the Silver Surfer,” Maher wrote. “And now when adults are forced to do grown-up things like buy auto insurance, they call it 'adulting,' and act like it’s some giant struggle.”

“I don’t think it’s a huge stretch to suggest that Donald Trump could only get elected in a country that thinks comic books are important.”


Unfortunately for the ultra-liberal Maher, he stepped on a few toes on his way to his cheap Trump joke that normally would have been on his side for the most part- the Comic creators themselves...

“Bill Maher dismissed an entire storytelling medium? Wow. He's so highbrow. His brow is so high, there's probably less room for a mind,” wrote Tom Taylor, bestselling writer of “Injustice: Gods Among Us” and “X-Men: Red.”


Newsflash: Bill Maher is still a dipshit.- Spider-Gwen creator Jason LaTour.

“I never speak on topics I know little or nothing about. Why? I never want to be the fool. In other words, I don’t wanna make a Bill Maher out of myself,” wrote Greg Capullo, an illustrator who has worked on “Batman,” “Spawn,” “X-Force” and more.


And thus, Maher becomes a historical footnote as the 3,123,787th word that can be interchangeably used for Ass.  Well, maybe not that high...

"Well, of course it isn't that high.  Laurie has been using the terms interchangeably for years..."