Martin World News- Dumb Story Edition

Today, let's see if we can repeat our success popularity mild interest by reprising one of the most beloved  many variations on our theme- we'll go to news sites and find the dumbest story to grace a front page.  Hopefully I won't be saying, "Well the dumbest story here is the same as the dumbest story there" too often....


1- Fox News

And we use the term 'news' more and more charitably, as out of this site's first ten headlines, 3 are entertainment stories and one involves a pitcher trying to keep a man at 2nd base from stealing signs by balking him to third.  And as close as that comes to dumbest story, our actual winner is...

Michael Avenatti labels Alyssa Milano a 'disgusting hypocrite' after tweet about his November arrest

Which she may well be, maybe even in this case.  However here's the dumb part- the Queen of Opinions-without-Brains made her comments on Mr. "Oh, he's the porn lawyer" back when he got arrested for tossing some misguided girlfriend out on her butt- literally- and got arrested for assault- which was November of last year.  His response came Monday afternoon- 215 DAYS since the tweet he attacked.  Sure seems like the kind of lawyer you want on your side for a "speedy" trial, huh?


2- CNN

Now I have to give CNN kudos- their first ten headlines WERE all news stories.  BUT, they have to dip into the 'stupidity well' of celebrities as well.  And here's what makes front page news...

Cardi B suffers wardrobe malfunction at Bonnaroo and finishes her set in a bathrobe

Perhaps she might want to look into something more substantial than... well, beads... to start with...

Cardi B-fore...

Cardi after

3- BBC


Most of BBC anymore is the 'anti-Trump' news and the 'pro- LGBTQ' news.  Finding something on their FRONT page is a bit difficult (and frankly, their humorous 'News From Elsewhere' page has run a bit dry lately), but I did manage this one...

Cat filter accidentally used in Pakistani minister’s live press conference


A Pakistani politician's live-streamed press conference descended into farce when a cat filter was switched on by mistake.


Shaukat Yousafzai was briefing journalists last Friday when the setting was accidentally turned on.

The video, posted to the official Facebook page of the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) party, was deleted minutes after the press conference.

The blunder was blamed on "human error" by the party, which runs the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province in north-west Pakistan.

"All necessary actions have been taken to avoid such incidents in future," it said.


Unfortunately for Mr Yousafzai, the cat was already out of the bag.


BTW, BBC joined CNN in keeping news stories at the top.  Perhaps Fox should look around itself...


4- Australia Broadcasting Company 

I thought I would try these guys and save myself weeding through News AU's latest reality-TV yarns, and I was well rewarded...

Indian stuntman missing after attempting Harry Houdini trick in the Ganges River

So my first thought is, "You know the kinds of things that get put in the Ganges- and you want to do THIS in it?"  But daredevil Chanchal Lahiri, known by his stage name "Jadugar Mandrake" (Wizard Mandrake) had to try this one.  Unfortunately, he never came up, and hours of scouring later, it would appear that the Wiz is now discussing the 'escape from the afterlife' trick with Harry.   Apparently he started with untying the knots that kept him attached to the winch, which wasn't his best plan.  But he's been known for screwing these things up before...


When Lahiri tried another stunt at the river in 2013, he was assaulted by onlookers who saw him escape from a locked cage via a door that was clearly visible.

He was beaten and punched and his long flowing golden-brown wig was pulled off by the crowd.

Least that won't be a problem this time...


5- Xinhua

The Chinese aren't exactly a jokey news bunch, so you have to have a keen eye to find something with possible entertainment value.  It's like trying to find a story in their top five without the name 'Xi' in it.  But I think this might just pass muster...


China installs, upgrades 30,000 toilets for tourists since 2018

Now, I believe this is a throne we've sat upon before here on MWN, but you aren't going to come closer to a joke in Chinese media than this last paragraph of the story...


Since the toilet revolution was launched in 2015 to increase the number and sanitation of toilets at tourist sites, China has seen much improvement in terms of the quantity and quality of tourist toilets, with higher level of management of toilets, according to the ministry.

"The toilet revolution".  Shouldn't it have been flushed, rather than launched?

"No, my good man!  Launched is perfectly acceptable..."

This can only spiral down from here...


6- Moscow Times

At first I told myself I wasn't going to use this article.  Not only was the humor dubious, but how can I, after making fun of Xinhua for Xi stories, use a Russian story with Xi in it?  But after reading some of the pull lines in the story, I decided, why not?

Russia's Putin Gives China's Xi Ice Cream on His 66th Birthday

Looks more like an ice cream cake to me.   Gosh, don't you wish the icing was decorated with Winnie the Pooh?  Anyway, here's some of the story...

While Putin gave Xi Russian ice cream - the flavour was not mentioned - Xi gave Putin back some Chinese tea, the report said.

Gee, ice cream or (gag) tea.  Putin 1, Xi 0.

Pictures on Chinese state television's website showed the two men inspecting a white cake decorated with red and blue confectionary flowers with the words written on it, in somewhat shaky red-coloured Chinese characters, "good fortune double six".

To which Xi replied, "Does this mean we are going to casino?  Put 100 yen on double 6!"

It was not immediately clear if Xi ate any of the cake.

Probably had to check it for proper proletarian doctrine...


7- Deutsche Welle 

Well, howsabout we round things out for the night with a good ol' dose of PC?

Swiss bank UBS loses bond role in China after economist's pig comment

Now, mind you, this is estimated at a half- to a full billion dollars worth of business shot in the butt.  And over what, pray tell?


The decision followed a remark by Paul Donovan, a global chief economist at UBS, in a podcast last week in which he attributed a rise of consumer prices in China to sickness among pigs.

"Does this matter? It matters if you are a Chinese pig. It matters if you like eating pork in China," Donovan said last Wednesday.

Seems pretty straightforward, yes?  HOWever, somebody decided that when he said, "Chinese pig,"  he was was calling Chinese PEOPLE 'pigs'.  Where they got one from the other, I don't know.  You know how the PC crowd is (I keep sniffing for torches and listening for pitchforks myself).  But thank God he didn't say, "Chinese Poohs..."