Martin World News

I knew that we all needed at least an attempt at this after I captured this "Headline too close to ad" moment...

I can see it slipping fast...

So let's see what we can dig up here today.  Mind you, the world's a bit humorless these days, so I have to dig deeeeeeep...

FoxNews- Priorities over proprieties

Headline: Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing face masks amid coronavirus outbreak

"A group of sunbathing nudists in the Czech Republic were recently told they needed to cover up, just not in the way that most would expect. While they were completely free to remain nude, local ordinances required that they keep their mouths covered due to the global coronavirus outbreak."

In some cases, I think "social distancing" might take on a more radical meaning here...


CNN- Don't touch that red button...

Headline:  A 64-year-old man accidentally ejected himself from a fighter jet at 2,500 feet

Apparently the man's work colleagues wanted to surprise him with a trip to an air base- a trip he had no desire to make.  When he found out they arranged the ride for him, his FitBit clocked his heart at a whopping 142- but he went through with the ride anyway.  As the pilot started to climb, he grabbed for something to hang on to- and guess what it was...

That's right, the ejector seat release!  Making it worse, he didn't have his helmet on right, so it didn't make the trip with him!  All's well that ends well, though, and a night at the hospital for observation was all he got out of it.  No confirmation that his first words on landing were, "All things considered, I'd rather a night at the cafe..."


Xinhua- But have they been tested?

Headline- Pastry chef makes "mask" for chocolate Easter bunnies in Athens

This was from one of their 'picture stories', the reader is required to fill in his or her own 1,000 words.  Mine would start with, "I have the perfect virus test to use on them..."


Moscow Times- I'd like to see what he'd do with THIS one...

Headline: Russian Football Star Re-Creates Famous Album Covers in Quarantine

Football stars, they’re just like us — they get bored during coronavirus lockdown, too.


Alexander Kerzhakov, a former striker for Zenit St. Petersburg and the top-scoring player in the history of Russian football, has used his time in quarantine to re-create some of his favorite iconic album covers....

I wonder if he takes requests?  Like, how about the fold-out from Jo Jo Gunne's Jumping The Gunne....

Helsinki Times- Confectioners to the rescue, part 2

Headline: In pictures: the toilet roll cakes that stopped a Helsinki bakery from going under

"AN ENTERPRISING HELSINKI BAKERY responded to a dramatic decline in orders this week by serving up something that is apparently in great demand; toilet paper. The staff at Ronttosrouva Bakery in Malmi began creating novelty cakes that look exactly like toilet roll, in a cheeky nod to the widespread panic buying of the product in recent weeks."

The gambit quickly paid off, with their first round of cakes selling almost immediately. Bakery owner Saara Lampinen also told Reuters that she had gone from thinking the bakery would go under to having to hire new staff to keep help meet demand for the cakes. 

Hopefully the comsumption of one didn't lead to more demand for the other.  MWN welcomes the Helsinki Times to our rotation!


News AU (Australia)- That excuse is see-through

Headline- Driver’s excuse for 45km trip rejected

A Melbourne man tried hard to convince police he was breaking strict isolation laws to purchase a bottle of water, even though he was 45km  (28 miles) from home.

Victoria Police slapped him with a $1600 ($1,028.87 USD) fine and sent him on his way.

A police spokesperson said the man was intercepted while driving in South Melbourne and “claimed he was out to buy a bottle of water” even though he lives in Wantirna South.


He was one of 78 people who received fines on Wednesday for being out and about during Victoria’s Stage 3 restrictions without a legitimate excuse.

"But ossifer, it was on Craigslist..."


Times Of India:  Given the story, you might want to elucidate on 'arms'

Headline: Arms, cannabis recovered from group that chopped off Punjab ASI's hand


Of course, given that a) the attack on the policeman (ASI) was with swords, and b) the article never really did say what KIND of arms....


Finally...

Taiwan News:  I don't really get it, but...

Headline- Thais use humor to defeat Chinese in Twitter war

This was an enormously complicated storyline that started out with an actor on some TV show who was gay on the show but straight in real life, and somehow moved into a Twitter war between China and Thailand because someone accidentally named Hong Kong a "country", and the Chinese got mad.  Then, of course, Taiwan got drug into it, and basically, Chinese complainers got owned by Thai memers.  Given my love for the resemblance between Chinese leader Xi Jinping and Winnie the Pooh...

... you know I couldn't pass up these two...

Chinese: " ur king is ugly!"  Thai:  "ur Pooh is cute-"
Chinese: "ur food sucks!"  Thai: "of course Thai food is not ur type- u eat bat"

These guys are REALLY good...