Today we travel back to January 29th, 1958, the day a spree killer mentioned in Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire- 19 year old Charles Starkweather- was captured. Mainly because he didn't know how to work a parking brake, and partly because he couldn't take what he enjoyed dishing out:
A bullet fired by Sheriff Earl Heflin shattered the windshield and flying glass cut Starkweather deep enough to cause bleeding. He stopped and surrendered. Heflin said, "He thought he was bleeding to death. That's why he stopped. That's the kind of yellow son of a bitch he is."
Noteworthy: He didn't get invited to the Paul Newman/Joanne Woodward wedding that day...
"...and I don't care WHICH side of the family he's on!"
Welcome to Time Machine, back to 1958 and we're bringing Madonna with us! Even though she's a shade under 200 days from being born- mama was about 12 weeks along. But as we bring her from the 1980's- we DID get her from the 1980's, right?
Nardole: Well, sir, it seems there was a little mix up... perhaps I should let her mother explain...
You brought her MOTHER? Why would you bring her mother?
Mom: Oh, you can't blame heem, eh? He deen't know that I was planning on geeving my daughter the same name of mine...
Wait... YOUR name is Madonna, too? And why do you have a French accent?
Yes, Madonna Louise, jus' like I'm gonna name this sweetie! (Pats belly.) An' ze accent is because I am French Canadian. I only married into Italy, see?
OKAY, then. So let's back track a minute while I get my head straight here, and listen to this week's first M10 debut. It's from a collection called Rarities 1970, so you know it's an old song I just now heard, but by an act I love! Originally from their debut lp Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep, here's Scotland's Middle Of The Road...
Sally Carr and mates come in at #10 this week.
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All right, Mrs Ciccone...
Mom: Call me Madonna!
Um, that just wouldn't feel right. How about Mom?
Mom: That's fine.
Mom, you're all filled in here on what happens on the show. This week, the Panel mainly went with 2 songs- out of a 20 song, 43 vote list- which means we ended up with 15 one vote wonders and only five had more than one, so those five are the finalists. Would you like to read them off?
Of course, mon ami. Ze songs to choose from are...
The Silhouettes, Get A Job, which was ze numbear sept, I mean seven, song on Cashbox magazine.
Then it eez Billy Vaughn with Shine On Silvery Moon at #13...
That darling Pat Boone with Apreel Love at # # 8...
(NOTE: Please don't curse me, I learned French accents on ze... er, on Gilligan's Island...)
What was that?
Never mind. Please, go on!
Très bien! Danny and ze Juniors were #1 with At Ze Hop...
And Monsieur Presley, here, was at numbear 41 with I Beg Of You.
Elvis: Say, you did a fine job, didn't she?
Yes, she did! Come back anytime!
Merci Bien!
In the meantime, we have a second debut- and this one comes in all the way up at #6! With their third time on ze... er, the M10 chart, here's Saintseneca...
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So here's something new- we start the 6D with a song! Peaking at #38 in 1969, here's "Vik Venus, Alias: Your Main Moon Man"...
This is actually Jack Spector, one of the djs most responsible for Beatlemania in America, from radio station WMCA. Jack had a daughter named Sherry, and that's why best bud Bob Gaudio chose Sherry for the name of the Four Seasons' first big hit, after they tried out Peri (daughter of producer Bob Crewe's boss), Terri, and Jackie (after the First Lady). The Four Seasons were originally the Four Lovers, and their only hit was a #61 called You're The Apple Of My Eye- a song given to them after the songwriter took Don't Be Cruel from them to give it to Elvis!
Son, I just can't hear them doin' that song!
Me either! Now that songwriter was Otis Blackwell, and among the songs Otis wrote or co-wrote was the 6D victim, at #2 without a Panel vote- Jerry Lee Lewis and Great Balls Of Fire!
Well it's kind of become a tradition for the guest to do the segment where we name off the #1 songs in other English speaking countries- we call it, Overseas If You Please!
Zat eez very clevair! I think, though, you should let my daughtair to do them...
Elvis: That's right, son, we made up for the boo boo! Right now, on Time Machine- here's Madonna!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madonna: Hi, Chris! And Momma, it's been so long... I was just a little girl...
Mom: Oh, my, what a lovely lady you have become!
Elvis: (whispering) You wanna tell her about that 'lady' bit?
(Chris, whispering) Bud, you died once already, do you really wanna do it again?
Madonna: Boys, you wouldn't be misbehaving, would you? Mama don't like boys that misbehave, do you?
Mom: Not at all, Little Nonnie...
Not us! Please, go right ahead!
Madonna: Okay, so the #1 in England was Elvis and Jailhouse Rock...
Elvis: Yes! Right in the Beatles' home town!
Madonna: Now, Elvis...
E: Sorry, ma'am.
M: That's better. In Australia, it was Paul Anka's Diana. Now, what's this say on Canada? "Six choices?"
Well, Canada doesn't have a national chart yet, and six different songs got one vote each from our Canadian Panelists, so...
M: Then figure out which ones didn't get mentioned on the rest of the show, and pick the one that charted highest!
Makes about as much sense as any, so... well, of the three that are still left, that leaves us with only one that actually charted here- and that would be Owen Bradley's Big Guitar, which made #46 on Billboard at some point, but I wasn't able to find out when...
Maybe you should look HARDER....
Okay, lemmee see... (Jeopardy theme plays through about four times)... it peaked at #32 on Cashbox on March 22nd...
E: No wonder ya couldn't find it!
Mom: Now dear, we need to go visit for a bit. Let us leave these gentlemen to do their jobs.
M: Okay, mama, don't preach! It's all yours, guys!
See, even she does better song title gags than you do!
Shuddup an' give me the M10!
10- That's Pale Waves holdin' with Easy.
8- That's Jason Isbell making just the 13th song to hit 10 weeks or more, Dreamsicle dropping 3 spots.
7- Back ta back Saintseneca with Ladder Ta The Sun dropping from #2.
5- Firefall up one for A New Mexico.
4- 5 big notches up for El Michels an' Piyat Malik with Murkit Gem.
3- One more up for Elton John an' The Girl On Angel Pavement.
2- One more up for Lilly Hiatt an' Brightest Star.
An' the winnah and still champeen for a second week...
A lone man looking for means of expression in a tsunami of information. Seeking truth justice and the American way in the perspective of a Nixon conservative. And the Commissioner of the free world's smallest and best fantasy football league.
Posts
LOL, you had me at "Mama Don't Preach."
ReplyDeleteI'm glad, I love doing the song gags!
DeleteI liked this as I usually do
ReplyDeleteA smile is my great reward!
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