Martin World News

 

Once again it's time for a romp through the worlds headlines, this time focusing on the Giants of the world- and on my own twisted takes.

FoxNews

I'm not feeling it, frankly

Rand Paul has released his annual 'Festivus Report' on government waste, and among other spendings, he highlights...

-Agency for International Development (USAID) spent $20 million on a Sesame Street spin-off show in Iraq, titled "Ahlan Simsim," in an effort to promote "inclusion" and "mutual respect."

-The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) reportedly gave New York University (NYU) over $400,000 to study whether lonely rats seek cocaine more than rats who are in positive environments.

- The senator also mentioned the Biden administration giving $2.1 million to fund Paraguay's border: "Nothing says "America First" like securing someone else’s border," Paul wrote.

Others included a $1.5 M research project that basically bolted kittens to a spinning wheel to observe the effects of motion sickness on them; $10 K for an ice-skating drag show called 'Beards On Ice'; and a $12 M pickleball complex in Las Vegas.

So after you get done with your pickleball game and have hit the casino, secure in the knowledge that grown men pretending to be women aren't going to be affected by dizziness; and can go to sleep happy to dream knowing Uruguayan ne'er-do-wells aren't sneaking into Paraguay, where local rats are dealing with their cocaine addiction in a positive environment.  And all that peace of mind cost you a mere $36,010,000.

CNN

Bonnie King Chuck says no to chocolate eggs

King Charles released his annual (well, the monarch's annual) list of Warrants (Americans, think 'royal seal of approval'), and Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, Cadbury Eggs, and even (gasp) Marmite fail to return to the list.

The blow to Cadburys and Unilever (for Cadbury's, the first time they didn't make the list since Queen Victoria first added them in 1854) come apparently because they weren't playing nice- ignoring the Ukraine inspired injunctions against doing business in Russia.  Cadbury CEO Dirk van de Put says to MWN reporters, "It is a bit of a sticky wicket, but we believe it will be mitigated by that warrant from the Czar and his family... wait, what?"  One thing I don't find surprising is Ben and Jerry's (owned by Unilever), playing fast with the rules, because as we know here in the states, nothing says, "I'm a communist" like a nice tub of B&J's Half Baked.

***Note:  The phrase "MWN reporters" denotes items that might not actually have been said, at least not to the person credited.***

BBC

A denial is the same as the truth, these days

The Kremlin is saying reports from Turkish media aren't true that the Brit-born wife of deposed Syrian monster Bashir al-Assad has NOT filed for divorce and wants to leave Russia.  According to the Turkish reports, the possibly-unhappy couple "were living under severe restrictions in the Russian capital, and that the former Syrian first lady had filed for divorce and wanted to return to London."  After Bashir recently let slip, "I never wanted to come to Russia anyway", the Turkish report seems at least somewhat believable- not that it matters to the former Asma Fawaz Akhras; the UK foreign ministry poured ice water on her hopes when the report came out: "(UK foreign secretary) David Lammy said: "I want it confirmed that she's a sanctioned individual and is not welcome here in the UK."

He added he would do "everything I can in my power" to ensure no member of the Assad family "finds a place in the UK".

"Great Mohammed on a stick", Bashir was quoted by MWN reporters, "I just wanted to stay in Syria where I could be tortured for all my secrets and then have my corpse drug through the streets.  Now I'm stuck in this two room rental- with HER."

France24

I think I saw this one before

For me, the title said it all:

How French soldiers train for trench warfare

And in my mind, I said, "In a world of hypersonic missiles and drones, the French are once again preparing for the previous war.  Or was it the one before?"

Moscow Times

When the Bear does it in the woods...

One thing that Vladmir Putin might do even better than Trump: making things happen with but a word:

During Putin’s annual press conference and call-in program last week, a mother-of-five complained to the president about high prices for flights.

“You are right, there is such a problem. We are already talking about this with the relevant managers,” the Kremlin leader told the woman.

Putin said airlines have introduced “small, insignificant” discounts that fail to take into account the financial burdens parents of multiple children face when traveling.

“This practice must be stopped,” he said.

Within hours, Aeroflot and Ural Airlines announced 50% discounts for kids 2-12 years old (2 and under ride free already) on all in-Russia flights starting well before a Putin-set deadline of January 14th.  Now if he could just say something to Charles about that Cadbury warrant...

News.AU

Like we couldn't have guessed that one

Thanks to Australia's news for pointing out to those of us hoping 2025 would be better than 2024, that 2025 starts out with Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday...

...or, to abbreviate, WTF.

Japan Times

Reason # 12,567 why the world sucks now

The headline:

Police called out to investigate suspicious Santa in Wakayama

I wish this was a funny story, but it isn't.  The Santa in question " a young man dressed as Santa Claus who was spotted handing out treats in front of Yuasa Municipal Elementary School."  He was just, as it turns out, trying to do a good thing; but in a world where we have idiots streaming themselves spraying bananas in a store with bug spray to get likes, they couldn't take the chance.  Still, Santa should have talked to school officials first to stay off the Naughty List.

Deutscheland.de

If it had a cost listed, it coulda made Festivus

Because this is just the kind of, "Don't we already know this?" survey I'm sure Congress would have allocated 6 figures for... 

Many respondents regard the conservation and restoration of ecosystems as a high priority for society: the study is based on a representative survey in which 94 per cent of adults and young people agreed that nature conservation is necessary to combat climate change. Federal Environment Minister Steffi Lemke commented: “The nature awareness study shows that people care about a healthy and intact natural environment.” 

Or, as the original headline put it, "People In Germany Care about Nature."  No fooling?

Finally....

Taiwan News

I'm guessing I won't make dress code here

'Michelin-starred chef Lam Ming Kin (林明健) has unveiled Afterglo, an elegant restaurant and wine bar nestled in Taipei's Regent Galleria.'  The headline drew me to one of the notable food items...

 The "buby tea chicken nuggets with caviar" transform street food into luxury with generous Ossetra caviar and gold leaf garnish. Thigh meat with skin and cartilage is marinated for three hours in dozens of Indian spices and mala powder, then coated in golden fluffy batter. 

The crispy exterior gives way to tender meat with cartilage crunch, balanced by French crème fraîche and enhanced by the briny caviar. 

Caviar Chicken Nuggets, not what you get at Maccas.  As far as I can tell, it costs the equivalent of $18.95 for 4 nuggets.  Could we leave out the 'cartilage crunch, though, maybe?