Martin World news: Least newsworthy headlines

  Today, I thought instead of looking at the crappy news we're all so sick of- and most of us don't believe- let's go after the headlines that really aren't fit to print at all.  I bet I run outta space before I run outta headlines!  (Note:  I'm writing this Monday night for Tuesday consumption.)


FoxNews:  This horse is deceased, part one

Headline:  Cher slams Trump and his administration, explains why she backs Joe Biden as president: ‘He has a soul’

Well of course, he has a soul, dear.  It's where it ends up that counts.  Don't you remember what Neil Young said, "Even Richard Nixon has got soul...."

CNN: The self-fulfilling prophecy

CNN, at least today, is so full of candiates that one could almost spit a wad of gum at the computer screen and hit one.  In fairness, though, let's let logic win the day.

Headline:  What we don't know about Joe Biden

Well, if you DON'T know it, then it must not be a very lengthy report, right?

Moscow Times: What that last guy said

Headline: Russia’s Leading Climate Change Expert Gives Sober Prognosis

Since, according to WHO, Russia is second highest for most likely to suffer from alcohol use disorders, I'm skeptical.  "Sober" prognosis?  Really?

Helsinki Times:  One picture is worth 1,000 words... none of those words are in the caption

Hmmm? Oh, excuse me!  Did you say something?


Taiwan News:  Uh, usually you do this on a 'one-night-only' basis

Headline:  Colts decide not to exercise 5th-year option on Hooker

God knows the new team in Las Vegas will spread the money around a little more...

Yeah, I know it kinda misses the point of the item, but it was too cute to pass up

Deutsche Welle:  If it is, I'm going back to paper money


Headline:  Phosphorus in our pee — the new gold?

I can see it now- the Gold IRA guy's book sequel- "Urine is a better way"....


(NOTE:  Please tell me you were NOT wanting a picture for this one...)


The Copenhagen Post:  Probably a good idea


Headline: Opinion: As we reopen, try not to murder anybody


I mean, come on, it's not like it's Black Friday...

And finally...


UK Mirror Online:  Shh, let Darwin get this one...


Headline: Woman cuts hole in coronavirus face mask 'to make it easier to breathe'

Two words may say it all:  Lexington, Kentucky.  Have a great day!