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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, February 7, 2011

Who- or rather, which is- dumber

I can't really do a WD today, for the Super bowl ticket snafu/national anthem butchery obviously blots them all out.

But what I do have, and it's a rarity, is TWO (count 'em, two) scam e-mails on the same day! Here's the first, from "Mary Osazuwa" and entitled EMERGENCY PLEASE:

HelloHope you get this on time ?
Sorry I didn't inform youabout my trip to Nigeria, I'm presently in Lagosand am having some difficulties here.I misplaced my bag on my way to the hotel whereother valuable things were kept including my passport.I will like you to assist me with a loan of 8,000 Dollarsor whatever amount you can afford to borrow me to sort-outmy hotel bills and to get myself back home. I will appreciatewhatever you can afford to assist me with and I promise toRefund the money as soon as i return.let me knowif you can be of any assistance.
Mary Osazuwa.

Okay, so let's run the list.
#1 random additions of proper spacing between words.
#2 Hope you get this on time? is NOT a question, especially when you have no idea what "on time" consists of.
#3Why are you in Lagos, and why would I care?
#4 "my bag where other valuable things are kept"- other things BESIDES ____?
#5 Nigeria is third world. How long were you at a hotel that you ran up an $8,000 bill before you figured you needed help? And/or, where's home? (possibly the United State?)
She also gave an e-mail address that I won't be sharing, for obvious reasons. Nor am I going to tell her that I won't be helping despite the windfall I got in the NEXT e-mail:

Compliments and remained blessed,
My name is Mrs. Alice Edwards I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed for cancer for about 2 years ago. I will be going in for an operation later today.I decided to Will/donate the sum of (Ten Millions Two Hundred Fifty Eight Thousand United States Dollars) to you for the good work of the lord.Contact my lawyer with this email: Name: Barr Tony Moore Email:( Tell him that I have WILLED 10.258M to you by quoting my personal reference number JJ/MMS/953/5015/GwrI/316us/uk and I have also notified him that I am WILLING that amount to you. As soon as you contact him with this details quoted above, he should be able to recognize you.Meanwhile you are advised to keep this mail and it contents confidential as i really want my wish accomplish at the end of the day.Please do pray to God for my recovery.
God Bless
Alice Edwards

Okay, let's do this again, omitting the ones I hit in Mary's letter.
#1 "Compliments and remain blessed"? WTF? No! I refuse to remain blessed! I want to be like Joshua! (Sorry, cheap shot.)
#2 "for about 2 years ago". Excellent command of grammar, as usual. Probably from google's Yoruba to English translator.
#3Mrs. Edwards OBVIOUSLY has a lot of faith in her surgeon, eh? Let's will all my money to a total stranger, because I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
#4 scam E-mails never have lawyers. They have Barristers.
#5 Does your lawyer assign YOU a personal reference number? If you have $10,258,000, apparently.
#6 "this details". Again, google transaltor.
#7 AWWW $#!t!!! I let the cat outta the bag! Will Mrs. Edwards have the time before her surgery to contact another beneficiary after loose-lips Martin blew it? Tune in tomorrow....

I'm thinking maybe I should put Mrs. Edwards in touch with Mary. With ten mill, I bet Mary could stay over in beautiful Lagos a couple extra weeks.


Here are the final scores for the NHFFL commisioner's cup. The B2s take 12th at 40 points. Next come the Clock BBQs with 59, the KCAs and Rhinos at 61, the Beagles at 81, the Angels and Rangers at 84, and Buzz at 89. The SVA take 4th place at 96; bronze medallists are the T-Cubs at 117; the place horse is the Elks at 143; and it is the State Ducks, who led wire to wire, with 147 to win the 2010-11 commisioner's cup Congratulations to, er, ME!!!

1 comment:

  1. CWM:
    I get those mailings too...with different names.
    (must have a lot of friends & relatives)
    I think hooking THOSE two up (who emailed you) would be a masterstroke of genius...LOL!

    I know AOHELL blocks everyone but those "on my list", but Yahell doesn't have the same filters...just SPAMGUARD (sounds like a deordorant).

    I usually forward ALL of them to:
    That at least keeps the "same" person from sending any further crap.
    But they just get a new email addy and do it all over again...and again...and again.

    Gotta LOVE techonolgy, eh?

    WTF...just heard you guys got ANOTHER robbery attack...where IS the FWPD???
    That makes SEVEN now?

    Personally, I'd LOVE to see someone shoot your perp DEAD.
    (helluva learning curve)

    Stay safe & warm out there.