Andrew Basiago, past present, and more past.

First, read this:

A lot of people have a hard time trusting lawyers as it is, but what about one who claims he was part of a secret government time travel program when he was a kid?
Since 2004, Seattle attorney Andrew Basiago has been publicly claiming that from the time he was 7 to when he was 12, he participated in "Project Pegasus," a secret U.S. government program that he says worked on teleportation and time travel under the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency.
"They trained children along with adults so they could test the mental and physical effects of time travel on kids," Basiago told The Huffington Post. "Also, children had an advantage over adults in terms of adapting to the strains of moving between past, present and future."
Skeptical? You're not alone. Hong Kong physicist Shengwang Du issued a paper last year saying time travel is impossible, because nothing moves faster than the speed of light, the Los Angeles Times reported.
Nevertheless, Basiago's claim gets support from Alfred Webre, a lawyer specializing in "exopolitics," or the political implications surrounding an extraterrestrial presence on Earth. Webre said teleportation and time travel have been around for 40 years, but are hoarded by the Defense Department instead of being used to transfer goods and services faraway distances.
"It's an inexpensive, environmentally friendly means of transportation," Webre told The Huffington Post. "The Defense Department has had it for 40 years and [former Defense Secretary Donald] Rumsfeld used it to transport troops to battle."  (Courtesty the HuffPost.)

Andy as a child enjoying the sights and sounds of Gettysburg during Lincoln's Address.  According to him.



So let's take a little time trip with Andy and, well, Andy.  You see, he claims to have run into himself during one (or two, if you prefer) of his five or six trips to the Ford Theatre the night of Lincoln's assassination.  If you're still with us, it's not so hard to imagine him/them doing an interview with a certain humble blogger.

We meet at an outdoor table at a neighborhood McDonalds (my choice, natch).  A curtain of light shimmers open and a boy in "contemporary clothes" but shoes about four sizes too big (Like the ones at Gettysburg- "I had been dressed in period clothing, as a Union bugle boy," he said. "I attracted so much attention at the Lincoln speech site at Gettysburg -- wearing over-sized men's street shoes -- that I left the area around the dais and walked about 100 paces over to where I was photographed in the Josephine Cogg image of Lincoln at Gettysburg." - followed by a second Andy wearing the same pants but a Homer Simpson t-shirt instead of an Aeropostale original.

"Boy, " Andy "H" says.  "It's been a long time since I've been to a McDonalds.  Can I get a couple Big Macs before we start?"
"You did,"  I said, pointing at a pair of bags sitting at the table.  "About 15 minutes ago."
"Don't you know how bad that stuff is for you?"  Andy "A" says.  "This era still had 'pink slime'."
"Don't care," says I.
"Don't care," says Andy "H".
"So," I go on as "A" and "H" tear into their bags.  "What made you pick me as the guy you give the interview to?"
"Why," "A" begins, it's an honor to meet with the man that singlehandedly derailed Tom Henry's presidential campaign."
"He hasn't done that yet," says "H".
"Ooops..."
I jot down a note to look further into Fort Wayne's beloved mayor and go on.  "All right, I guess we should start with some questions any skeptic would have.  The tech you claim to be using is supposedly being kept under wraps by DOD."
"Why would anyone be skeptical of that?" "H" asks.
"Not the question, " I say.  "My point I'm going to get at is, if Rumsfeld used it to move troops... Why didn't they use that to get Bin Laden..."
"Who says they didn't?"
"Or Qaddafy?"
"Couldn't nail down his name's proper spelling.  Kinda hard to calibrate when a letter here or there could send you to Fiji, or Des Moines, or..."
"Or Bashir Assad?"
"I told you, we got that.." "A" sputtered.
"Haven't done that yet, either," "H" interjected.
"Crap..."
I scratch my head.  "If you used this tech to get Bin Laden, why the copter crash?" I ask.
"It was supposed to be there as a cover story," "H" said.  But it was the first time we teleported a moving vehicle, and nobody thought to see if fuel teleported without evaporation."
"Just one of those unfortunate bugs," "A" agreed.

Of course, there are risks. Basiago remembered feeling extreme turbulence while going through the vortal time tunnel. Webre said one tragedy occurred in the early days of the technology in which a child in Project Pegasus arrived a few seconds before his legs.
"He was writhing in pain with just stumps where his legs had been," Webre said.

"Moving on," I muttered.  "If you- that is, your 2012 self- is 49 years old and no longer involved in the project, then how is it that you here- as ten year olds, I'm guessing- know things that haven't even happened yet?  Have you went into the future as well?"
"Don't be silly," "H" scoffs. "You can't go into the future."
"Why not?"
"Because," says "A" with a roll of the eyes."You can go into the past because the present has already happened.  You might accidentally change something, but that just makes more pasts and presents.  But if you went in the future, you could never come back."
"Why not?"
"Because the future hasn't happened yet.  If you went, you'd find nothing, and when you'd try to come back, there'd be no way to find your way," "A" explained.
"Because there's nothing in-between to connect to," "H" added.
"So how do you know..." I begin, starting to feel a headache coming on.
" 'Present-Andy' keeps in touch," "A" said.
"We keep each other updated," "H" added.
"Mmmm" I nodded.  "Let's see... Project Pegasus is- or was- a secret government project..."
"Yes, the Project Pegasus in Marvel Comics is based on it, " "H" interjects.
"Hide in plain sight," "A" nodded.
"Mark Grunewald came up with the idea," "H" said.  "He was a genius, as a comic editor and a project group leader.  He is missed."
"Well, by the comics world and the present," "A" put in.  "I mean, we still talk to him."
"And check out his Monday morning briefings."
"But Mark.. oh, never mind," I shake my head.  "What I was going to ask was, what were their goals in sending you and the others into the past?"
"Finding new technology," "H" said casually.

Basiago said he experienced eight different time travel technologies during his stint in the program. Mostly, he said, his travel involved a teleporter based on technical papers supposedly found in pioneering mechanical engineer Nikola Tesla's New York City apartment after his death in January 1943.

"The machine consisted of two gray elliptical booms about eight feet tall, separated by about 10 feet, between which a shimmering curtain of what Tesla called 'radiant energy' was broadcast," Basiago said. "Radiant energy is a form of energy that Tesla discovered that is latent and pervasive in the universe and has among its properties the capacity to bend time-space."

"New Tech?  In the past?"
"How do you think Tesla developed what he had?" "A" replied.  "He worked from what had gone before.  Graham Bell, Whitney, Benjamin Franklin..."
"George Foreman..." "H" added.
"The boxer?"
"Yeah, I guess," "A" said.  "Although he's actually famous all down through history for the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine."
"Shhh," "H" cautioned.  "They haven't stumbled onto all its uses yet."
"Damn," "A" cursed.  "They should give me a cheat sheet..."
"I put it in your mailbox tomorrow," "H" answered.

Resisting the urge to bang my head on the table, I tried one last time.  "So, then, what era does Present-Andy actually live in?  Is he actually here, a 49-year-old, in 2012, or..."
"2012?" "A" choked on a fry.  "WTF..."
"Shit, we aren't supposed to be here till 2015!" "H" exclaimed.  Pulling a quarter out of his pocket, he shouted into it, "Emergency retrieval!  Emergency retrieval!"
"Wait!" I shouted at the panicked child/children.  "What's so bad about being in 2012?"
"We can't be here for the rapture," "A" shouted.  "We haven't become a Christian yet!"
I could just hear "H" scold "A" as they faded into the shimmering return of the field that brought them, "At least they knew that one..."  And with a short rush of wind, they were gone.

I looked at the empty seats before me, the normal sky, the unfinished food on the table.
"Oh well," I said.  "More for me..."

The funny side of the end of the world: Trivia about Harold Camping

1.  His middle name is Egbert.  Which is not damning, but certainly amusing.

2. He believes that the "church age" has ended, all organized churches are apostate, and advises his followers to just get out.  Good grief, don't get caught in a church when Jesus returns!

3. He believes that, based on the obscure Hebrew phrase "qara shem", that Adam actually fathered Seth, Seth actually fathered Enosh, and Lamech was Noah's real daddy, but all the rest were "reference patriarchs", i.e. actually separated by other ancestors not worth mentioning.

4. No Hell!  If you're a sinner, you just cease to be at death.  Sounds like partially following atheist doctrines, making him half-athed.

5.  His radio network, Family radio, is still offering promos expiring on the 28th- one week after anyone wanting them (or able to give them out) are supposed to be gone.  Entrepreneurship goes on in Heaven?

6. The closest station to us carrying family radio is WOTL out of Toledo.  Google thought I meant WTOL, the main AM station there, but I had to insist on the "backwards" version.  Go figure.

7.Since the church age is over and all churches are apostate, he has over the years either dropped or heavily deleted any programs that give aid and comfort to organized denominations.  Between that and the fact that most of his stations are non-commercial, you gotta wonder just what programming they DO have.

8. Just so you know, the world was made in 11,013 BC, the flood (which is a historical fact when he needs it to be and an allegory when necessary) was in 4990 BC, and Jesus died on the cross on Friday, April 1st, 33 AD.

9. Yes, he did already predict the apocalypse once before, for September of 1994.  In the book about that one, 1994?, he did say, "...but I could be mistaken."  Not so this time... I guess he neglected the disclaimer in his old age.

10. To understand Camping, first understand he says that organized churches are failed because they use "doctrines and hermeneutics" to interpret the Bible.  Second, understand that he says both that the Bible is the complete Word of God, but not all of it need be taken literally.  Third, the reasoning behind #2 is that if Jesus spoke in parables, and Jesus is the Word of God, and the Bible is the written word of God, then much of the Old Testament can be taken as parables as well.

11. Because of this he can combine the factual flood's date of 4990 BC, the parable flood's "seven days more and I shall make it rain", and 2 Peter's "A thousand years is as a day", and get that 7000 years after the flood is 2011, and with similar ironclad mathematics figures the 6 PM today target.

12. Camping's actual education was a B.S. in civil engineering.  Other famous civil engineers include the late Osama bin-Laden, Mahmoud Iamanutjob of Iran, Gen. Curtis Le May ( 1968 running mate on the American Independent ticket with Gov. George Wallace), and Sir Thomas Crapper, the alleged inventor of the flush toilet.

13. Heaven's gonna get busy- he estimates 200 million raptured today.

14.  Of course, he hadda take away all his wiggle room- the 6 PM he referred to is local time, sweeping across the globe.  Earthquakes were supposed to follow the clock like a set of dominoes.  The closest he's been at 11 am our time is a 5.3 that hit Luzon in the Philippines at 1:08 PM local.  No estimates in yet on the disappearances there.


15.  People that show their character in a crisis.  The Seattle Atheist group is raising money to help earthquake victims- and if nothing happens, the funds go to a camp to teach critical thinking to children.  Locally, Joshua attended "Post-rapture looting" according to Facebook.  There's class for ya.

May Magic- And Pictures of dead Osama!!! (shhhh...)

I kinda liked that picture-based post the other day and said to my muse, "let's try that again!"  My muse is horribly lazy and generally goes along with whatever I come up with- she doesn't work on a commission, y'know.

So before I go to the pictures of Osama  (oops, you weren't supposed to know about that yet), let's talk about our bumbling Veep, Joseph Robinette Biden.  (Robinette?  Who names their son Robinette?)  Anyway, We're going to discuss his slip-of-the-commander comment today.

Yes, Joe put a big ol' target on the back of a real American hero.  Apparently he sleeps during security briefings as well as Presidential speeches.  It's not bad enough that Obama is making all but the die hard libs and the hand-out class miss the good ol' days with GW, but Biden is trying to see how many laps he can run around Dan Quayle's rep.  Oh, go ahead, Red, say it!

Thanks to special correspondent Red Foreman for that.  Next on the list are the wonderful supporters of Hizzoner Tom Henry, who effortlessly (much as he does everything else) won the Dem nomination for mayor.  Tom Henry, who shuns honest debate and runs from criticism, whose idea of transparency is glimpsing his nose in front of his face in a well-lit room, who thinks so much of the excellent young talent in his city that he farms every question out to consultants in Indy and Chicago, whose idea of job creation is new posts at fly-by-night city contractors for his brother, and whose idea of a "green" city is to remove all those nasty trees on Calhoun so the new sidewalks stay nice.  With all those qualities, it's no wonder all you dems out there chose him over any of the other guys, whose only chance against him would've been if their name was Noah (i.e. their families were the only voters).

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH: NO QUESTIONS, PLEASE!!

Okay, no let's finish off by this world shaking announcement.  I have right here on my blog, the picture that the President wouldn't release- proof positive of Osama bin-Laden's demise.  The President may be afraid to show you this graphic photo, but your humble author is not.  However, since it is a graphic photo, I will have to ask you to scroll down to look at it, if you dare.

Are you SUUUUURE you wanna look?

Okay, here it is...

I warned you...

GREAT SATAN 1, BIN LADEN 0

ENJOY THOSE VIRGINS!!!



Like every brain-functional American, I celebrate the just desserts that we at long last dealt out to the world's largest mass-murdering mouse turd.  First and foremost, thank you and congratulations to the Navy Seals who pulled off an effort worthy of a TV miniseries.  You boys are the BEST!!!



I'd also like to congratulate President Obama.  If you think about the last months of attacking Qaddaffyduck and now nailing the Human Hemorrhoid, he's pretty much eliminated all case for those who claim he's a muslim-symp; Combine that with the birth certificate thing, and he's had a pretty good week.



On the other side of the equation, I think we ought to pull out of Pakistan lock, stock, and barrel.  Asif Ali Zardari Has gotten a hemorrhoid of his own sitting the fence on whether he's a western ally or a fundamentalist hand holder, but he shows his true colors here by allowing a compound 8 times the size of anything else in the neighborhood, 35 miles from his capital, with retired military all over the neighborhood.  I say it's time to see how long he and his buddies will last without "the great Satan" standing behind him.

(A dog, huh?  I would've guessed a rat, or a skunk...)

Anyway, next we salute the way his body was disposed of.  No marker, no grave, no place for indigent, illiterate terrorist troublemakers to hang out.  Islamic leaders say he should have found a place to bury him.  We said, no body wants him.  Of course, that was not quite correct, but regulations against export of fertilizer to Hugo Chavez, Qaddaffyduck, and Iamanutjob (Venezyela, Libya, and Iran) prevented it.  Oh well, he'll be more valuable at the bottom of the Arabian Sea than he ever was on Terra Firma...

And finally, let's hear it for the American People.  We waited, we worried.  We never, NEVER gave up.  Let this be a warning to all you rag-topped nutbags out there lining up to take the dearly departed's place.  Your number will be pulled next.  Or, as the mighty Thor once noted; the mills of justice grind slow... but exceedingly fine.



GOD BLESS THE USA!!!