Laurie's 4th of July bash...

...went very well, even with 18 people (2 of them little kids) and a Booogle all in basically one room with temps at 104 (peak around 3 PM) outside.  No grilling allowed onsite, so hot dogs were boiled, just like the sweet corn.  But still good, plus plenty of desserts, potato salad, friendship dip (Remind me to have Laurie do a guest-recipe) crackers out the yin-yang, a large bowl of M&Ms (the culinary star of the show), and some nice cold PBRs to keep me from getting claustrophobic.

The attendees:  sis-in-law Mary and brother Chuck, sister Mary, our lovely hostess, my firstborn, niece Danielle (DJ), sis in law Linda, bro-in-law Jack.

Jack, photogenic even upside down.

The four-footed brigade...

Action Jackson, his mom Katie by the door

Brother Paul's nose, brother Art, Mary, Jack, soon-to-be-Mrs.-Art Tracy, and Chuck

Tracy's young'uns

After a good feast and several rounds of Draw Something (in which Chuck astounded), it was off to the fireworks.

The gang heading toward the spot we staked out (Insert whistle from The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly here...)

Just to annoy her- my favorite task

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the grand finale...

Fathers Saturday

Part one: Daughter texts me this morning.

Her: Hey dad i have a collage meeting on the 27
Me:  college meeting??
Her:Ya they called me 4 a meet & c wat i think about the collage
Me: What College?
Her: ibc
Me: irritated bowel college?
Her: no
Her: Its a buiness college (NOTE:  she's finally got college right, now we need to work on business)
Me: Tell them the dog ate ur transcript
Her: lol

Part two:  Son takes me out to eat for Fathers day.  Has 27 dollars in cash and card to pay, figures he has enough on his bank card for balance.  Says he doesn't keep a bank book, does it in his head.    Laurie hands him a five for the tip, and he rips it in two.  Card gets declined because he forgot about buying groceries.  Come home, read his horoscope.  "What problem can you solve with that highly analytical brain of yours?  Your intellectual powers are augmented by the moon, and you'll think your way into a sweet situation."  Nuff said.

Saturday disaster, Sunday fixes

I've already clued in Bobby G. on Saturday night, so I'll let the rest of you in on all the fun.  The idea was to go to Cinema Grill (for those who don't have one, dinner and a movie in one shot) to watch The Avengers.  Let me skip to the disasters, then I'll move on to the good things sprinkled within.

THE MOVIE:  Here's the situation:  Iron Man is stuck inside the rotors of the Helicarrier (which he is trying to restart).  He's waiting on Captain America to throw a certain switch so he can get out without becoming the Human Steel-Wool Pad.  Cap is dangling from a cable about twenty feet from the switch an 30,000 feet above the ground, with somebody shooting at him, and his shield back in his footlocker.  Thor, after just having gotten bounced about by the Hulk, has just escaped Loki's death trap, and is currently picking dirt clods out from between his teeth.  The Hulk, for his part, took a u-turn at a fighter jet and is on his way to joining Thor in dirtclod-picking.  The expendable heroic S.H.I.E.L.D. agent is explaining to Loki with his dying breaths that he'll never win.  And the Black Widow has just B!tc#-slapped a mind-controlled Hawkeye into dreamland (and all of this is happening more or less simultaneously.  Just then, half the theatre's speaker system blows and takes the AC with it.

THE TEMPER TANTRUM:  I yell at Laurie and KC as they try  to stop me from storming away long enough to get our refund.

THE CAR:  Is dead.  A little clicking, some pre-psychotic flashes from the dashboard, and that's it.  Repeated attempts to start only makes the car refuse toi give the key back.

THE NEW BATTERY: $119.

SOCKETS:  Have to fall under the exact geographical center of the car.

But now, the good things:

THE RESTROOM TRIP:  Which I took as the manager came down and announced that the speakers were blown, that he was "concerned" that this might happen "because this was a loud movie".  That comment would have pushed the tantrum to a whole new level of embarrassing, I guarantee it.  But, thankfully, I was upstairs having a urinary.

THE MOVIE:  What we saw of it might have been the best movie I ever saw.  Seeings as I have been reading the Avengers since I was six years old, I might not be an unbiased judge.  But it's blown away Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 its first weekend, so I don't think I'm alone.

THE MEAL: Was very good.  And I don't think many people paid for it- I know we didn't.  And I don't think anyone else did either, but again, I was having that urinary at the time.

CORONA:  Was a pretty decent beer.

LAURIE'S SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW:  Came to the rescue.  Tried unsuccessfully to jump it.  There were no previous signs the battery was bad, and I was afraid it might be the computer brain.  But...

LAURIE'S NEPHEW ANDY:  Lives less than a mile from the theatre, so we called him.  He is a car expert, and you can find his shop on Facebook at The Swap Shop.  He hooked a tester to the battery and proclaimed he was "98% sure" it was indeed just the battery.  Very nice of the damned thing to die so close to him.

THE SUPERMOON:  We had a great view as it rose over McDonalds.

BROTHER-IN-LAW:  Came back and picked me up after a day of fishing Sunday to get the battery tested (D.O.A.) and help me install the new one.

FISHERMEN:  Carry mini-fish nets to retrieve wayward sockets.


And now, the net results:
One new battery, during good weather and near home.
A free meal, and three free passes to The Avengers when we decide to try again.
Laurie and sister bonded over I-Pad games.
Saw half of a good movie.
Know what to order for drinks next time.
Realizing, as Laurie pointed out, "The biggest disaster wasn't anything that happened, but our response to it."
So, The Avengers, Laurie's family, and Andy for coming out on his night off, get an A+.
Cinema Grill gets an A for the grill part, and an F on the Cinema part, though they have the chance to raise their grade with extra credit.
Car, especially the battery, F.
Chris, D+ (I'm pleading extenuating circumstances to raise my grade.)

Sunday message with a lot of +

This morning I listened to 2 messages, both centering around Abraham.  The first, from Chuck Swindoll, focused on the story of Isaac’s near-sacrifice and the concept of this year’s theme being “letting go.”  The second was by the late Ed Bousman and was more about the calling of the bride of Isaac contrasted with the calling of the bride of Christ.

It has always struck me that Abraham was the prime human servant of God, because he was the only one specifically chosen to make the same sacrifice God did- the life of His Son.  But I’ve learned that God doesn’t start anything in the middle.  Consider that Abram started out not an image of God, but an image of Adam.  He was given the fellowship and the promises of God, and then (don’t get mad at me) through the encouragement of a woman, tried to do things his own way.  This led to disastrous effects down through all of mankind’s history- though it did not disqualify him from God’s attention and concern.

Abraham recovered from his setback by striving to become more obedient to God.  He had been given two conditions- have faith and obey; upon doing these were hung the promises of God.  He succeeded so well that He was given the privilege of Isaac’s sacrifice- the privilege of becoming as close to God as possible.  While I saw this as an event, I hadn’t thought about that progression he needed to go through to get there before today.

Bousman took it a step further.  Abraham (now an image of the Father) sent out his servant (played by us)  to find a bride for Isaac (who becomes Christ in the analogy).  Isaac was to remain with Abraham while the servant went out to find His bride, just as the risen Christ abides in heaven awaiting our gathering of his bride (the Church).  He also reminded us of the servant’s question about, “what if she won’t come”, to which Abraham replied he was off the hook.  Not, “kidnap her”, “Take her by force”, or “Bribe her.”  The servant’s duty is done in presenting the invitation.

Swindoll’s though, was the part that hit application for me.  The part about being willing to let go; and he went in detail about giving up something near to your heart that might be in the way.  For me, though, it’s not quite like that.  If you go back to my “24 hours give or take” post, you’ll see an entry about wanting to meet with a former pastor, to apologize.  This has been an issue of forgiveness with me.  Without going into details, I can say that every time I think I’m there, I rehearse the meeting in my mind, and it always devolves into “my fault, your fault” and I realize I’m not there yet.  Today I realized that the reason I’m not “getting there” is that instead of letting go of what was done to me, I use it as a shield to protect me from dealing with the shame that I brought on myself in the situation.  Today I realized that obedience= forgiveness= letting go of that shield and accepting my own shame.  Not easy, not there yet- but at least now I know where the problem lies.  Not everything God wants us to let go is a prized possession or opportunity.  Sometimes, it’s a defense mechanism protecting something God says I don’t need.
_________________________________________

Snow update:


about 5 inches.
------------------------------------------------------

Here’s a funny story.  I was texting my son about the news that a pitcher on his Indians, Fausto Carmona, got busted in the Dominican for using a false name.  His reply:  Geez what else could go wrong  ohhh I know having a squirrel invade ur apartment!
Okay, so I asked if his “party cat” Porkchop had let this squirrel in.  His reply:No he chased it all over destroying everything in there path now I have to clean up when I get home my closet is destroyed.

Turns out that KC is trying to train Porkchop to stay inside.  To do so, he leaves the door open when he takes his trash out, making sure ‘Chop stays at the door.  Well, this time, the cat didn’t bother to get up from his nap- until the squirrel entered the premises.  The squirrel made a bee-line into the bedroom, whereupon the cat chased him into the closet and there they began their remarkable simulation of Armageddon.  Could only happen to my son.

________________________________________
Two things yet from last night.  I was watching an all-star football game when the news came down that Joe Paterno was taken off the respirator and was near death.  By the time I got on CBSSports.com to look into this, they had a “Breaking News” banner that he had indeed died.  Turning back to the TV, they were still saying he was “off the respirator;”  and within 10 minutes, the banner had disappeared.  ESPN.com reported (and CBS soon confirmed) that the mistake had come when the Penn State student paper announced that an e-mail had went out to all the football players that JoePa had passed.  Apparently neither the paper nor CBSSports did their due diligence before releasing it.  This morning, without commenting on how the false story had come about, the editor of the school newspaper apologized and resigned from the paper.  Nice to see he was big enough to admit the mistake and take responsibility.  Once upon a time, that would have guaranteed him a future job in the news.  Too bad nowadays integrity means nothing to the media.

____________________________

And that brings me to today’s last item- I flipped over to msnbc (don’t hate me) to see how the South Carolina primary turned out, and was happy to see that Newt had won an overwhelming victory.  Of course the shills that pass for reporters on that network were busy scoffing at what they thought Newt’s next move would/should/could be.  I wondered how we had gotten so far away from the days when news reporting meant news reporting, instead of giving the liberal opinion as if it was everyone’s opinion and, damn, you’re dumb if you don’t have the same opinion.  The msnbc  crew were 4 of the most childish, irresponsible, and condescending excuses for journalists I’ve ever witnessed.  But, that’s today’s liberal elite for you.  Patting themselves on the back that they speak for the “99%” (which was down to about 33% in late November, after which the media quit tracking it’s support) and sneering at anyone that would gainsay them.  You know, I actually can see how the people who think Occupy had a point, uh, had a point.  But if I had to rely on snakes like msnbc, George Souros, and Harry Reid and li’l Jimmy H to lead me…
----------------------------------------
Just for the record, yes, I’m finally throwing my support to Gingrich.  Why?  Because to me one of the biggest problems is nobody wants to work with anyone, make a deal, to get something done.  Obama is ineffective because he’s a Chicago threaten-you –with-a-stick politician who can’t find anyone he can bully at this level.
On the continuum of candidates out there right now, you start at one end with Ron Paul, who I doubt ANYONE will work with;  move to Santorum, whom I like, but is a “tea partyer “ in the sense that he will stand his ground come hell or high water, and that’s been part of the problem.  Bachman, Perry, and Cain were to varying degrees in that category as well.  Far to the other side we have Romney (and perhaps Huntsman) who would have been willing to compromise to get deals done, but I’m afraid would have given away the keys to the car.  I believe that Newt is smart enough to make a deal, connected enough to work with people, and tough enough not to get walked all over doing it.

The birthday game 2011

Sunday was the annual trip to a ballgame for my birthday #3.  this year was Reds vs Tribe in Cleveland, and I took some amazingly poor photos of the fun but not particularly enjoyable trip.

Random shot of McClure, Ohio. 

Shortly after this, we passed three billboards touting Saturday's end of the world event.  Probably would have been a good thing for the Reds.

 What would a trip to Cleveland be without the windmills in Bowling Green?

And here we are in the city by the lake.

And Progressive Field, home of the Indians.

Got yer ticket? Yep.

KC and Ashley on the mean streets of Cleveland.  Thank God the homeless presence, unlike in Cincy, was minimal.

Here's Drew Stubbs about to be thrown out stealing in the first.  And had he just waited...

Jay Bruce's HR seconds later would have made it 2-0 instead of 1-0.

At this point, half the stadium was dark and forboding...

...and half was bright and sunny.  Sunny (and HOT) soon won that battle.

This, I believe, was the first of Asdrubal Cabrera's 2 HRs for the home team.

After an agonizing three inning stint in which Reds pitcher Edison Volquez not only sucked, but sucked VERRRRRRRY SLOWLY, Dusty finally takes him out of my misery.

In the fourth inning, all the clouds were gone.  Of course, by now it was 7-1.

I think this is Joey Votto scoring on his HR that made it 7-2.  Game would end up 12-4.

Afterer dinner at Fridays ( and an accidental tour of what I believe was Cleveland's north side, trying to get back to the turn off we missed), we started for home.  About that time  (@7 pm) Laurie called to let us know that we would be heading home into a line of nastiness.

When it came up, around 9:30, it came up FAST...

...but the bark was much worse than the bite, thank God.

Some seriousness, some fun

Before I heartlessy go on to the fun stuff, here's an article about the "myth of preparedness" from the Daily Yomiyuri:

RIKUZEN-TAKATA, Iwate--Tsunami caused by the massive Tohoku earthquake were so high they instantly breached the large embankments built along the Sanriku coastal region, local people said.
The region is equipped with highly advanced anti-tsunami measures constructed after previous disasters, including tsunami caused by the Great Chilean Earthquake in 1960 that killed 142 people in Japan.
One of the embankments in the region is even recorded in Guinness World Records.
After the tsunami left the region's towns covered in mud and debris from destroyed buildings, some survivors regret that too much confidence had been placed in the embankments.
"We all believed tsunami would never reach our area," said Ikuo Sugano, 61, who operates a futon shop in the Takatacho Omachi district in Rikuzen-Takata.
The area has been hit by many tsunami following earthquakes, including the Meiji-Sanriku quake in 1896, Showa Sanriku quake in 1933 and 1960 Chilean quake.
However, the Omachi area, which is about a kilometer from the coast, was not affected by the Chilean quake. As a result, local residents believed tsunami would never reach the area.
When they held a study session to prepare for powerful earthquakes and tsunami two months ago, they only discussed accepting survivors from other areas and preparing meals for them.
They never imagined they would be tsunami victims themselves.
"I remember the time [of the tsunami caused by the Chilean quake], but I never thought a stronger tsunami was possible," Sugano said. "I was much too optimistic."
In the Tohoku quake, a 10-meter wave of water poured into the Omachi area and instantly smashed shops and houses to matchwood.
Although there is some high ground north of the area, very few local residents headed toward it to reach safety.
Nearly 60 percent of people belonging to the area's neighborhood association are still missing.
"All of us thought the tsunami would never reach our places. But we were wrong," said a 63-year-old man who lives in an area about one kilometer inland from the Omachi area. His house was destroyed in the tsunami.
"Our embankment is the best in the world. How come we suffered that much?" asked a resident in Kamaishi, Iwate Prefecture, as he looked with dismay at what was left of the embankment.
===
Recorded in Guinness book
The 1,960-meter-long embankment was built at a cost of 130 billion yen over a 30-year period from 1978.
It was the nation's first embankment designed to resist the most powerful earthquake. Its foundation was built on the seabed 63 meters below the surface of the sea. It was recorded in Guinness World Records as the embankment that is the world's deepest in water.
When a major quake hit Chile in February last year, the Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism Ministry's Tohoku Regional Bureau proudly announced that the embankment helped keep back the tsunami that reached the area.
"Some people had built new houses near the coast because they were so confident in the embankment," the Kamaishi resident said with a sigh as he stood in front of the debris of destroyed houses.
===
No match for raging torrent
In Ofunato, Iwate Prefecture, many people were killed in the tsunami caused by 1960 Chilean quake.
As a result, a large embankment was built at the mouth of the Ofunato Bay.
According to the city's port and business department, the tsunami destroyed most of the 291-meter-long southern part of the embankment and all of the 243.7-meter-long northern part.
Although local residents saw the embankment as a visual symbol of the city's invulnerability against tsunami, it had weakened over time.
"We were almost sure we could start strengthening it with funds from next fiscal year's budget," a city employee in charge of disaster prevention said.
In the city's Sanrikucho Okirai area, 19 people were killed in the 1933 Showa Sanriku quake and ensuing tsunami.
Shinsaku Katayama, 85, a survivor of that tsunami who works in the construction business and lives in the area, has given lectures at primary and middle schools to increase teachers' and students' awareness of the danger of tsunami, using notes of the 1933 disaster he compiled over a one-year period.
Katayama said the number of participants in local disaster drills had fallen over the past few years and he felt awareness of the danger of tsunami had declined.
"Because of the embankments, they never imagined they'd be hit by tsunami. They acted as if nothing untoward would happen," he said with an air of despair.

I didn't highlight certain passages to dig a knife into their backs. I did it to remind us, the world is the Titanic. No matter what we feel we are prepared for, there is always something out there waiting to overwhelm it. That is why I feel so sad for our atheist brethren- this kind of thing is Exactly why we need faith in a Loving and Merciful God. Without Him, losing everything would mean... losing everything.

_____________________________________________________________

Okay, now let's have a little fun with this week's crop of e-mail scammers. Our first contestant showed up Tuesday:
SCAM VICTIM REIMBURSEMENT.
We wish to bring to your notice as a delegate from the Nigeria Government Reimbursement committee under the strict supervision of the United Nations to pay 230 Nigerian 419 scam victims the sum of $7,500.000.00 (Seven Million Five Hundred United states Dollars) each. You are hereby listed as one of the beneficiaries for this immediate reimbursement of funds.As a result of this laudable recommendations,it is imperative to bring to your notice that during the last U.N. meeting held in Abuja, Nigeria,it was alarmed by so many countries around the world about loss of funds by various foreigners to these scam artists operating in syndicates all over the world today.
In other to redeem the good image of our dear country,the President has ordered the immediate payment of $7,500.000.00 (Seven Million Five Hundred United states Dollars) each to the affected victims in accordance with the U.N. directives.Due to the corrupt and inefficient Banking Systems in Nigeria, these payments are to be made by ECO BANK OF NIGERIA as the corresponding paying bank under the funding assistance of the INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND(WORLD BANK) Presently, 184 Beneficiaries have been paid, more than 50% of the victims are from the United States,while about 40% are from other parts of the world.Your particulars were among those mentioned by some of the Syndicates hat were apprehended in Lagos, Nigeria as one of the victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to anybody for any reason whatsoever as the U.S. secret service in conjunction with The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has swung into action to track these set of criminals down.Once again,you are expected to keep away until these criminals are all apprehended.The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) (Motto: No Body is Above the Law) have combined effort with the United Nations Anti-crime commission to alleviate the plight of these victims as well as redeeming the image of our dear country.
Many Banks, Universal firms, Companies and individuals have been in bankruptcy today due to the activity of these hoodlums. However, a thorough investigation revealed that these people have dropped over 500,000 victims across the world, after collecting their money falsely, many as a result of this have committed suicide,while others are now living in abject poverty.As regards these on going developmental strive, we have over 200 suspects at hand, 135 in kirikri prisons.While many are awaiting trial, we are still in search of others,who think they are wise, and hope that you will assist by giving any vital information that could lead to the apprehension of these hoodlums.
You SHALL receive your reimbursement via TRANSFER PAYMENT SYSTEM. We shall be waiting to hearing from you for the final claim of your $7,500.000.00 (Seven Million Five Hundred United states Dollars) Reimbursement fund.Finally, you are urgently advised to furnish this office with your full names/address, your direct phone/fax number, your age/marital status and an attach copy of any of your recent Identity.Awaiting for your prompt response.
Yours faithfully,
DR.ASHINZE AUSTIN
FRAUD VICTIMS REIMBURSEMENT CHAIRMAN.
TEL:+234-812-286-4272

Okay, so let's look this over. First, do you really think any president from any country would establish a scam-payback fund out of wanting to "redeem the name of this dear country"? Okay, we could all see Obama doing it, and there may well be chief execs out there who are even dum... er, more politically correct than Barrack. Second, "Due to the corrupt and inefficient Banking Systems in Nigeria, these payments are to be made by ECO BANK OF NIGERIA as the corresponding paying bank". So, since the Nigerian system is so corrupt, let's pay things out through a Nigerian bank. Good thinking there! Third, What does the Secret Service have to do with investigating financial crimes. Fourth, interesting that I was on the "dumbass got scammed list" when I haven't yet get quite that stupid yet. Maybe they're looking for that other CW Martin who still lives in New Haven. Fifth, while there is an apparently legit EFFC, I was not able to find any link to "corny mottos" on their site. Sixth, I think you mean that they have "duped" 500 k people around the world, not "dropped", unless they combine their monetary services with a travel agency. Finally, "As regards these on going developmental strive". WTF does THAT mean? Other than if these people are really involved with the UN, they might want to cross-ref with UNESCO and learn proper grammar. That sentence came straight out of one of my son's 6th grade essay assignments.

This next one actually tried to weave a little more reality into the BS.
Atten Dear Sir/Madam
This message is permitted to be read only by the beneficiary of this address for security purposes? We have been having meetings for over (5) Five Month and we have come to the final conclusion from our last meeting held at our headquarter February 28th, 2011 with the president of Benin Republic Dr. Thomas Yayi Boni and Minister of Foreign Affairs Mrs. Mariam Aladji.
The United Nations Office have agreed to compensate you with the sum of $1.500,000.00USD and that is why we decided to contact you directly and make sure that this information reached you, This funds have been arranged for you through our ATM Swift Card Payment Center Diamond Bank Plc as that is the latest instruction by His Excellency Mr. Ban Ki-Moon The Secretary-General The United Nations.
This compensation includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract fund and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc?
You are advised to contact our representative Mr. Jim Wilfred of Diamond Bank PLC Benin Republic and Send to him your full contact details as follow: (1) Full names….: (2) Country:...... (3)Address:...... (4)City:........ (5)Tel Phone: (6) Occupation :......(7)Age:... (8): Sex.....
Contact Mr. Jim Wilfred With the Below Information:
Contact Person Mr. Jim Wilfred
Director Diamond Bank Plc
Benin Republic
Email: (infoatmcustomercare@globomail.com )
Phone: +229-9917-2795
Click on this link to see by yourself (http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2003/ik344.doc.htm)
Making the world a better place
Regards,
Ms. Asha-Rose Migiro

Okay, so there is a President Thomas Yayi Boni in Benin, and Ms. Migiro is a deputy to Ban Ki-Moon. And, despite my doubts, "His Excellency IS the proper way to address a UN Sec-Gen. There is even a Diamond Bank PLC , although it is in NIGERIA (obviously a part of that corrupt Nigerian banking system), not Benin. Also, we see two question marks, both of them where they do not belong. Another glitch in the google Yoruba to English program, no doubt. Also, and this is a tip to you would be victims out there- Are you a contractor whose done business in Benin? Or a business person with dealings in Benin? I'M NOT! And nobody seems to know who Jim Wilford is, except the scam sites that have various examples of his handiwork.

Finally, Punctuation? We don' need no Steenkin' punctuation!

Christopher the economy is not the same as it used to be the internet is where you make the most money now we will be more well off now than ever before you wont regret giving this program a shot you dont need experience to use this program http://j.mp/dZBO3j there is no limited to your boundaries

Okay, let's all take a breath and look at this. First of all, I have a PSA for my wonderful readers _ let's not be stupid and click on any of these links, okay? I'm quite confident that they are full of ooze that will choke off all the love and kindness that resides in your computer. Second, if the internet was the place to make money we'd all be rich, eh? Third, "there is no LIMITED to your boundaries." (Oops, shouldn't have put that period in there.) Again, welcome to the KC Martin School of Grammar circa 1990.

Kid stuff

My wonderful friend over at Waiting For God accidentally gave me the idea of telling stories about my kids. For those not up to speed, that is KC, son, 21 and on his own, and Shenan,daughter, 17, with her mom. Rather than relive all their embarrassments in one post, I thought I might tell a couple or three stories for each.


SHENAN









Name is short for Shenandoah, btw. Mom used to love that song. She is a sweetheart and once you're a friend, you've got a good, devoted friend. However, she and the educational system exist on different vibratory planes of reality. Here are some of her stories.













1. The Funeral. My dad's brother Len passed when she was still pretty little. I was a bit worried what her reaction would be at the showing, so I picked her up to go to the casket. Soon, I had a sense of how the nintendo generation sees death.











She: "Is he dead?"
Me: "Yes, Punkin."
She, pausing for a second: "Did he get shot?"
Me, hiding a smile: "No, Punkin."



2.The walk, part one: When they were little and I was usually broke, our main mode of entertainment was walking. One day on a New Haven sidewalk, it was the three of us plus Laurie and Scrappy's predecessor, Fred. I was trailing the pack, Shenan just ahead of me and looking down, headed right for a mailbox. "Look out, Punk," I

said; she lifts her head just in time to get a good look at the mailbox before she ate it. Her brother has never let her live that one down.

3. The baby store. One weekend when I had the two of them Shenan, who was maybe 5 at the time, was really pissing me off. I had told KC earlier that I was considering a trip to Target to kill some time when I decided to put the trip to good use. "If you're going to act like a baby," I announced, then we'll take you to the baby store and get you some big baby diapers to wear!" With that I loaded them into the car, KC riding shotgun. All the way she was in between crying her eyes out and pull-out-a-gun-and-shoot-you mad. KC and I kept checking the rearview to look at her, and it was hard not to laugh, though we contained it to snickers. Finally KC broke and laughed, and smoke poured out of Shenan's little ears. "You wouldn't think it was so funny if YOU had to wear diapers!" she snarled and we both lost it. At that point I had mercy and let her off with lesson learned.

KC

KC had the unfortunate position of getting named by his mom, after her late grandpa's nickname. I was not aware that she intended it to be KC, "No initials, just the letters "K" and "C" "until she told it to the nurse filling out the birth certificate. He takes a lot after my mom's side of the family, right down to the red hair. Here's some dirt on him.

1. Mashed Potatoes. When he was little, we listened to a lot of alternative- Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, stuff like that. He had a good ear for music even then ( a dear ol' dad trait), and one day asked me to play "the

Mashed Potatoes" song. "The Mashed Potatoes song?" I asked. And he says "Yeah, 'Mashed potatoes, MASHED POTATOES!' " sung to the chorus of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Reminds me of some of the messed up lyrics I had at that age.

2. Old Black Joe. We used to live in the Dupont Estates trailer park (nice place, retarded management) after the divorce. They had a groundskeeper that mowed the common ares, an older black gentleman with what looked to be a straw hat, whom like an idiot I referred to as "Old black Joe". Their mom got Shenan involved in twirling (batons) in school, which got us involved in going to parades (not something I would've done otherwise). I don't remember which occasion it was one summer day when we were stuck amusing ourselves along Parnell waiting for Shenan to go by. (We'd already walked like a mile looking for a pop machine, but that's another story.) Along comes an 1800's style horse drawn hearse, I think sponsored by D.O. McComb ("where high-touch means high-tech"), driven by a gentleman with a more than passing resemblance to the groundskeeper. Naturally KC waits until he's within earshot and announces, "Look! It's Old Black Joe!"

I'd been a dad for a while, then. I knew just how to cover my face and pretend it didn't happen. And I couldn't be too mad at him, considering my first public experience meeting a black person (which we WON'T go into right now). However, I learned my important lesson that day.

3. The April Fool's prank.

Fridays used to fall out this way: I'd pick up the kids in the morning, spend the day at Laurie's and get back to the trailer after midnight. So one April Fool's day, I decided to have a little fun. When you come in the front door, the hallway to the bedrooms was across the living room on the left. There was a low watt light halfway down. Right at the edge of the hall, I set a kitchen chair, put the standup vacuum on the seat. Wrapped an old coat around its "shoulders" and put a ball cap on its "head". Made sure all the lights were off except the hall light. Flash forward to approximately midnight. We get back to the trailer and I hand KC the keys, saying, "Go unlock the door, I have to talk to Shenan." KC was little enough that this was a big deal to him, and he was beaming with pride as I unbuckled Shenan and warned her what was coming. KC flings the door open and stops dead just as we ascend the porch.

KC: "Dad! There's someone in there!"

Me: "Well, what does he want?"

KC: "UUUUUUUUUUHIIII DON'T KNOW!!"

Me: "Well, go ask him!"

KC: " I'M NOT GOING IN THERE!!!"

I know someday he will pay me back for that.

Bits and Pisses

First of all, if you have looked at the last post and followed the comments, you know that we have, as Gambit of the X-Men once said, been "up dat creek" this week. But we've had a trio of angels who have come down from heaven to help or to offer help, and we should be "car"ed sometime tomorrow. Which is a very good thing, seeing's as we are again in the calm before the storm at work. Calm? We're in the Horse Latitudes tomorrow and possibly Thursday, at about as miserable a time as we could find. Mary, Jack, KC- God bless you.



On the subject, I had an opportunity to work with a gentleman on the shipping dock today who told me he was from Guatemala. He first asked where we were from (an honest question since the plant is in Kendallville and most of the workforce are Ft. Wayne commuters) and then offered his situation. I mentioned to him that we sponsor a boy in Guatemala; we've done so almost 10 years now. He got somewhat emotional, and in his broken but understandable English said, "God bless the people who do this. God bless the people that do this." I guess we can never really know what such an act means until we see the faces of those who live it. And all of those people that say, "I'd like to do this someday" need to give themselves the incredible reward of doing it NOW.



Moving on, My son says on his blog that I really made him eat crow when TCU topped Wisconsin New Years Day. He says, "TCU is my dad's small town team- Boise State is mine." I say, Boise, TCU, Utah- anyone who can suitably make the BCS fatcats look like EEdiots is fine with me. I thought TCU would win because Wisconsin is a lumbering rushing team that had never seen a defense as fast as TCU. And their O is good enough to keep Wisconsin from getting a lead, which draws away from the time that lumbering running game can beat on the d-line. I'd just like to see Arkansas knock off Ohio State tonight so that the Big Ten has to wake up tomorrow wondering how Illinois became the conference's only bowl winner.



So, Mangini is out, as I predicted. Del Rio and Marvin Lewis got their extensions. Miami has joined the teams sniffing around Jim Harbaugh. And, oh yeah, two women have scuttled out of the woodwork to file suit against the Jets and their former shutterbug QB Brett Favre. Y'know, I'd take this more serious if a) in a 20-some year NFL career, these accusations of the photogenic Mr. Favre weren't concentrated in one season- the one in New York; b) as the Jets said, not only is this the first time in the 2+ years since it allegedly occurred that it has been mentioned, but it is the only time the team was contacted about it. Until real, tangible evidence/ a confession comes out on this issue, I'm forced to believe that all of this just proves there are 3 times as many golddiggers in NYC as in the upper Midwest.



And some good news for Bobby G.- Godzilla has just captured Khoosra. Further details pending.

The baseball birthday trip #2

This was one fun day. Started out from Kc and Ashley's apartment, where I was confused by a rug doctor sitting by the door (no Carpet)- I was informed it was for the bedroom which does have the only carpet. Moving out, we stopped at McDonalds in New Haven where there was a bit of a debate over whether Ashley would end up with the sweet tea, no ice that she wanted or the Hi-C, no ice that KC thought she wanted. (Hi-C won). After deciding to disregard the mapquest route KC had copied (it wanted us to head to Indy and turn east!) and just take 30 to 75, we stopped off at the Werling rd. Marathon where I got a pepsi and a new pair of sunglasses (remind me to tell you the story about the other ones later). Ashley's phone had a gps so we turned that on to make fun of and headed east. Near Besancon, I saw that someone had built a house on the pond we used to go swimming at, which really tripped me out.

Flash foreward to near Lima, where 30 actually meats 75. Gps lady said we needed to turn off at one of the Lima exits; we debated it, figured perhaps there was a problem getting onto the highway from thirty, Ashley said gps claimed a 20 minute time savings, so we listened and turned off. What followed was a series of "turn right"s and "turn left"s that almost seemed to take us in a circle until we finally ended up on some secondary road heading south, for no better apparent reason than to keep us out of Lima.

We then played a license plate game where you make phrases out of the letters on the plate (the only example coming to mind right now is "AUU" became "Ashley's underwear's ugly".) This game got abandoned when we discovered that apparently about 90% of Ohio license plates start with an "e". Soon- the trip seemed to go really fast- we entered Wapakoenta, where in a reversal of policy gps lady took us through town and onto- you guessed it- I-75. From here it was a hundred or so miles of scenery and signs, notably the "Solid Rock Church" in Monroe where they have this massive statue of Jesus waist deep in a pond with

fountains and the whole nine yards.


Eventually we passed through Dayton, which is far more massive than I had imagined, and on to Cincy. Again, gps lady tried to take us around the horn to the stadium; we opted to follow the signs instead, which was a good idea. It wasn't long before we found $5 parking on the far side of Paul Brown stadium (home of the Bengals). KC then handed us our tickets (copied off the internet) and we crossed the street towards Paul Brown. I told him to hit the button for the crossing sign, and farted when he did. As we crossed, KC noted that we had four tickets (a friend of Ashley's bailed on us) and he needed to sell one. We no more got to the other side when a black guy riding a bike and wearing a laminated sign saying "I need tickets" called out to us and KC said, "I got one". KC told him he paid $42 for it and wanted 30. Ol' boys says, "I can't sell those paper tickets for 30, I'll give you 10." KC said no thanks as the guy showed us another one he had bought that was printed in black and white. KC said, "Mine's in color, it must be worth more. Give me 15." Ol' boy says ok, and the ticket was sold, to haunt us later.
Our path led us across the north side of Paul Brown (which is a really beautiful stadium, at least form the outside), down the street, across a parking lot, and up a set of stairs that faced some big 1/3 built complex going up between the stadiums (stadia?). At the top of the stairs was an other ol' boy with a radio and a sign saying, "homeless, will work, sorry for asking". This swiftly became a common theme- I've never come across more allegedly homeless beggers in any one place in my life. Mixed among them were the usual people handing out have-you-met-Jesus cards and others trying to raise money to put light on some historic bridge over the Ohio that they're trying to restore ( I think; a good deal of it was shrouded in tarps). At least on of the homeless was a white girl whose sign read "homeless and hungry", but looking at her build, I told KC maybe if she went a little more hungry, she might not be so homeless. Finally we reach the Great American Ballpark, with its statues of Ted Klusewski, Frank Robinson, and Joe Nuxhall out front.
This was the annual civil rights game, and we were among the first 10,000 and got jerseys with the name and # of Chuck Harmon, the Red's first black player. Now this is a really nice building and our seats were good too- maybe fifty feet down the first base line, 12 rows from the field. After finding the seats, we went on a bathroom, souvenier, and food hunt. I got me a Mr. Redlegs hat and a Joey Votto shirt. Ashley got an ice cream cone, and we circled the stadium until behind the outfield wall. They have a nifty overlook of the river where paddlewheelers do donuts in front of the stadium, and we decided to eat there. We got the "meal deal" (a hot dog, a cup of pringles, a candy bar, and a pop. Of course this had to be an adventure as well; they overcharged KC 2.50, couldn't swipe my card right, and the whole think took a good 5 minutes and four of them and three of us to sort out. Afterwards, we were nearly back to our seats when they began wheeling out the award winners that they would be presenting to. The first was Harry Belafonte: I told KC I wanted to see him so we ducked down a corridor to the field as he was being driven around the outfield in the ballcart. He was waving, stopped to look at the field, turned back to the crowd, looked right at me, I waved, he waved, KC's eyes got big and he yelled,"Dad, he looked right at you when he waved!" That was cool! Next, they brought out Billie Jean King, who declined to wave or look at me. The third award-ee was Willie Mays. KC tried to get a picture, but the whole place was standing and waving and Say -Hey was sitting and forgoing the wave. After this we returned to the seats to watch the rest of the civil rights pregame festivities.
By the time we sat down, Marty Brennanman was on-field introducing the rest of the celebrities. Before he got far, the guy that ended up with our ticket showed up. He was pre-inebriated, drinking a Labatts blue tall-boy, and looking like someone you'd see in the non-serious offenders section of your local sex-crimes registry. KC immediately named him "Howard the Drunk", and that was his name the rest of the night.
They celebrities introduced included Mr. Cub Ernie Banks; Hank Aaron; Layla Ali; a preacher that was a former teammate of Mays' in the negro leagues; and some old black former congressman who looked like his diet consisted of sucking lemons. After everyone got their awards, we watched a tribute to the late Lena Horne (who was scheduled to be there), Roberta Flack came out and sang "Imagine" (and KC said managed to turn a three minute song into a ten minute one). Jeffrey Osbourne sang the national anthem, a color guard played "God blees America", and army paragliders chuted in to drop off the game ball, which Ernie banks threw the first pithc with. Ashley took a picture of Howard the Drunk to send to her friend that blew us off, and the game began.
And what a game! Adam Wainwright was going for the Card's against Red's rookie Mike Leake. Both were sharp early; St. louis scraped in a run in the second, and we did likewise inthe bottom of the inning. Colby Rasmus (who next to Chone Figgins is my least-favorite player in baseball) knocked a homer over the 404 sign in dead center to give the Cards a 2-1 lead, which flustered the kid and he walked Pujols and Holliday before getting a long, loud out to end the third. Things settled for a while then. We watched and joked about Howard, followed the scoreboard. Every game playing while we played, with one exception, the team that took the first lead lost it; by nthe time we left, the Mets had blown a 3-1 lead on Florida and lost 7-5; Colorado had lost a 3-1 lead on the Nats and was in process of losing a 4-3 lead; the Indians trailed Baltiomore 2-0 until the 9th, when they scored 8, seven of them after two outs; Boston had went from a 6-1 lead on Detroit to a 6-6 tie; and even the A's had started with a 2-0 1st inning lead only to trail 3-2 in the fourth.
In the mean time, we had been trying to guess who would do what when they came to bat. In the home fifth, just after we had a man thrown out trying to steal second, I told KC that Jonny Gomes would hit a HR. KC says' "He really doesn't hit for Power." 5 pitches later, Gomes put one 433 feet over the short porch in left field and the game was tied at 2-2. The kids decided to go pee in the bottom of the sixth; while they were gone, we got 2 men on and rookie OF Stubbs, hitting .182 and having looked outmatched by Wainwright the whole game, tripled into the right field corner and both runners scored.
At the seventh inning stretch; "teen sax sensation" BJ Jackson played "America the Beautiful" and did a great job.I thought Howard was going to pass out, fall down, or barf on me during it, though. KC took me out to the concourse and showed me a big open area we missed before, where they had a speed gun for pitching, a play park for little kids, a huge kiosk with big-screen video baseball games you could play, a track to time yourself in the forty, and a ton of other stuff. After which, I had to pee; KC warned me the nearest restroom had a line, but this was a LINE. Some guy passing by heard me go , "Ohhhh..." and said to follow him the next one down the other way was always free. Sure enough, no muss, no fuss, and got back in time to join in the last three of six or seven circuits of the wave.
Comes the bottom of the ninth, Reds up 4-2. Closer Francisco Cordero comes in, the locals get nervous. Cordero gets an out, walks a guy, throws a wild pitch. another guy singles in a run. Pujols strikes out looking, argues with the ump, but not enough to get tossed. "Sir, I believe you missed that call." "No, I don't believe I did, please sit down." "Very well, sir, and thank you." Now the whole place, 41,000 +, is on their feet, even the unsteady Howard. Pinch hitter hits a double deep into the left field corner, Schumuker steaming for home. OF hits cutoff man Orlando Cabrera. Cabrera guns a bullet at supersonic speed to catcher Ramon Hernandez. Schumuker slides. Hernandez tags. Joe West yells, "Yer OUT!" Scoreboard sceams Reds Win! Fireworks go off and the world rejoices. What an ending!


Going out we saw an allegedly homeless man with a sign I actually believed- "Why lie? I want beer." I told KC, Him I would've given money to, had I any.
Going home was an adventure too. Gps lady got us onto 75, then trie to get us off again to head towards Indy. She then went to sleep for the night. Ash has a headache, so we stop at the first gas station for aspirin and a pepsi for me. Of course this was deep in the Cincy Ghetto, and the pumps were lined with blacks, none of which were actually pumping gas. Needless to say, we decided to forego the gas and move on. A block down the road we found a much safer BP complete with a cop, a totallt primered convertable with a door that openned up instead of out, and yet another homeless guy ("please, can you help me, sir? Ah'm homeless, ah'm starvin', ah'm about ready to commit suicide..." "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me." "Thank you sir." ) So I decide to buy him a bag of chips, but by the time I got them paid for, somebody gave him a couple of bucks, he came in, bought a bag of ice, and disappeared. I'll eat the chips later on. North of Dayton, we found a radio station that no lie we listened to all the way to Coliseum boulevard. X107.5, Lima, as it turns out. About this time, Ash got nauseous and we stopped off at yet another station so she could barf in the trash can. (Better her in the trash than Howard on my lap, though!) Arrived home at about 2:50 am. Have to say, best birthday present in recent memory. Right now, though, I'm going to go set up my other present- a home weather station! Life is good.