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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

More fun with scams

But before we go there, news from the Great Postcard campaign- I got my first postcard!  It was our fearless organizer's turn to send out the cards to all of us, and she quickly found out that some small town P.O.s are a bit behind the times (IOW she had to go to a bigger post office to find someone who knew the cost of a postcard to Mynx in Australia.)  I think this is going to be neat, although with the way work is right now, I'm glad Tracy at Average Girl gets the next round.  Again, you can still join up!  Check out the story here.

Okay, so let's have a look at the latest crop of unscrupulous con men. First up is a contestant who is a first- good elocution, good spelling and grammar! 

I know that this letter will come to you as a surprise. This letter also will certainly not be enough to tell story of friendship that lasted for years. I am Mr. Kamzi Alex Kokou (A Lawyer by profession) I am currently in the United Kingdom purposely to trace / track down a family member of my client. Mr. Fabio Fuller and his newly married African wife were involved in a car accident after a night out. He died instantly while his wife died two days later in a hospital in Lome Togo where they both lived.
Please do understand that not only that he was my client, we were also friends. In one of our casual conversation he told me that he is of Spanish / English origin was born in South America. He told me that he had two sisters (Imelda) who died as an infant, and (Amelia) who is married to Peruvian who my client told me reside in United Kingdom. My client made a Fixed Deposit with a UK bank valued at Ј7,800,000.00(Seven Million Eight Hundred Thousand British Pounds).
He died on 6th September 2010, and I have tried severally to trace or track down his only surviving sister Amelia through different medium and all my effort proved abortive. He died without a WILL, and possible Next of Kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit document. This sum of Ј7,800,000.00 is still intact in the UK bank, as I have written to the bank as his Lawyer and the holding bank also acknowledged knowing that I am his Legal adviser. Since the UK bank is now aware of my clients demise, my proposal is that I need you to stand in as the Next of Kin to the late Client.
Should you indicate your interest to partake in this transaction, I am willing to direct and provide you with information required for this transaction to pull through. The Funds will be paid to you as the Next of Kin. As the originator of the transaction I will be entitled to 50%, for your role you will receive 40%, while 10% shall be aside to carter for expenses that both of us might incur in this transaction. There is no risk involved in this transaction as my knowledge of my client death guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.
Feel free to reach me on my UK direct line +44-7425837578 or if you are interested to claim this funds as the Next of Kin, it is upon your response that I shall then provide you with more details and relevant information that will help us go about this transaction.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Mr. Kamzi Alex Kokou.

Nothing out of the standard, as you can see, just well-written and almost touching as he references his good friend whom he's trying to give their life savings to a stranger.  So I decided to write him back- two words:  "Why me?"  No response as yet.
Our next contestant had no real intention of being convincing.  It was sent by "Chase":  not Chase bank, or Chase Ryan, or what have you- just "Chase".  Although it soon becomes evident who we're supposed to think it is:
Account Requires Complete Profile Update, We have recently detected that different computer user had attempted gaining access to your Online Banking account, and multiple password was attempted with your user ID. It is now necessary to re-confirm your account information to us. If this process is not completed within 24-48 hours. We will be forced to suspend your Account Online Access as it may have been used for fraudulent purposes.

Please update profile immediately by downloading the attached file.

Needless to say, the Attached File was downloaded into the trash.  Come on, you lazy sh!t, You don't even put the name of who you are in the e-mail!  You should go back to my last scam post, and see how often Interpol uses its name in the letter.  As my old boss used to say, "Let's put our thinking caps on."
Next up is possibly the most bizzarre one I've gotten in a while.


Since I can't stick a picture into a free translator, and I can't copy the words since they are IN a picture, I have no clue what this says.  What do we learn here, people, as Prof. Burke says?  #1, Don't put your message inside a picture.  #2, choose your target audience carefully. BTW, this was originally sent to  Is that a real place, outside of Norman Bates' shower?

Believe it or not, that gem and our final contestant both showed up today!  I'll bet Western Union wishes it got the business these guys claim it does!  Not wanting to bore you with the entire rundown of sloppy syntax, etc., I will comment afterwards on the parts I boldened.

Attn: Beneficiary,

Payment information:
Track the payment here on:
MTCN= 6481295755
Sender First Name = Samson
Sender Last Name = Abala
Amount Programmed: $6.000.00
We sent the above first payment of $6.000.00 to avoid any doubt from you, doubt is another reason why we didnât ask you to pay $56 endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee before sending the above first payment of $6.000.00 but you cant pick it up because it is on hold till you pay $56 endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee.
Since you havenât pay $56 endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee. Your $ 10..4 Million (Ten Million Four hundred thousand ) is not activated which means non of our branch world wide can show you the money till you activate it. Once it is activated it is only Benin branch can activate it because its was approved by The Management of the Benin Lottery Organization Head Branch Benin. Your money will be sending to you with different MTCN under installment payment of $6.000.00 daily till the amount is completely paid.
We are given you 30minse benefit of doubt to pay $56 endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee. To enable us proceed with the activation of your payment to be available for pickup in your country/Address. Because if you cant pay $56usd endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee.
it will result that your total funds of $ 10.4 Million (Ten Million Four hundred thousand) will be confiscated and used in supporting charity organization, Because of the long dormant of the funds, Of which I would not want the Federal Government and the Debt Re-conciliation center to confiscate this funds and use it in supporting charity organization because it coffers as a free will to the Charity organization.
But if you are feeling refusing to make the payment, then you are been advised to immediately send to us a letter of refusal stating that you are not interested in claiming the funds that initially belongs to you so as to enable us terminate and cancel your transfers immediately within 2 hours.
You will pick up the above first installment payment at any western union office nearest to you with the above information's as soon as you send the $56usd endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee. You are to track your first installment payment online at OR
Call Western Union tracking for available fund for your verification purpose.
The endorsement, daily activation fee and tax clearance fee of $56usd will be sending to our office here in care to our account officer Mr. Michael Wallace through western union Money Transfer nearest to you:
Cashier/Receiver's Name: Mr Onyeka Francis
City & Country:Benin republic
Amount: $56
Text Question: go?
Answer: come.
Once you make the payment, you are been required and advised to acknowledge us with the transfer Mtcn to help us proceed with immediate transfer release of your installment payment without further us through this e-mail ( ) or you call our office phone ( +229 98185 492 )
Once your payment is being confirmed, we shall proceed with the activation of your payment to be available for pick up in your country/Address.
We anticipate your kind co-operation.
Thanks For Using Western Union Office
Sincerely Regards,
Mr.Rick koroma
Payment Department
western union money transfer (Benin branch)

#1- Damn, I need to pay the fee to get my money!  Wait... what money? Why am I getting it?

#2- Ah! I'm getting it from the MBLOHBB for hitting the Benin Lottery!  Amazing that a country that has about 2 pots to piss in actually has a lottery, but if I've got to suspend my brain to believe I won a lottery I've no ticket in, I guess I can go along with that too.

#3- Wow, never heard of a lottery who gives you a choice between lump sum and $6,000 A DAY for just under 5 years!

#4- Okay, I'm just a little rusty on my Benin Republic time perionds, I guess.  Is a "minse" like a minute, or a month, or what?

#5- Crap!  I need to figure out what a minse is soon, or they'll donate it all to charity!

#6- And we sure wouldn't want to coffer it as a freewill to a charity, would we?
#7- Okay, just one grammar thing.  "if I'm feeling refusing"?

Okay, that's the group for this time around.  I'd like once again to thank these Ignoranuses (Ignoranous- both stupid and an a-hole) because without them we couldn't have as much fun making sport of people without guilt.


  1. I did a post a while back on the scam emails that I got, too. They always crack me up. Sure, some dude died in a plane crash with his wife and only child and I of all people should inherit his millions...of course I should. haha.

    YAY! I got my postcard too!!! :) Have to be sure and mention that in my next post. Thanks for the reminder. It put an instant smile on my face.

  2. I responded to a couple spams by telling them I would be glad to participate if they would forward a plane ticket, hotel reservations and a bit of spending cash to use while I come to their city to discuss the matter. I promised to repay them from the money they were giving to me. They responded, by simply re-sending the original e-mail.

    I miss the good-old days of telemarketing when you could actually get a live person and mess with their head a bit. Now that it's all automated, the fun is gone.

  3. The sad thing is some people still fall for these kinds of scams. My favourite is the one about the Prince who seems to change locations all the time but really wants to give you money to help him hide from people.

    @ Phil Marx - I totally agree with you about the good-old days. Messing with people's minds never gets old.

  4. I get these every day! I pick out the poor grammar in #1. Lots of errors! There is no end. I saw a documentary on this and once the stupid people who actually reply to these make contact with them, they start getting demanding and threaten family members lives. To that extreme!!! And these people fall for it and give more. I can't believe how dumb and naive people can be.

  5. CWM:
    Every time I get a spammer, I "forward" it to the GOVERNMENT works well, and these go away for weeks.

    Then some numbnut finds ANOTHER address to use from several countries and they TRY again.

    Also, do an IP lookup...find out WHERE the spam is ORIGINATING'd be surprised.

    And ALWAYS click SHOW FULL HEADERS (yahoo email anyway)...that gives you a place to start when reporting them.
    Cut and paste the info into the forward to the government.

    And many times, if you also forward to the DOMAIN webmaster, THEY take care of the offender.

    I get nowhere near as much as I used to...maybe one or two every few weeks...that's a LOT less.

    Good luck and stay safe up there.

  6. Glad to hear you got your postcard!! And yes, had to learn the hard way that small town PO's are a bit behind. Even the main post office in Town was a bit stunned. Those people really need to get out more. lol

    And I just check those kind of emails as spam. Besides, if everyone they sent it to was a 'relative' of the deceased, I'd get like $5. Totally not worth it. lol