I’m doing this Wednesday night in case of Cashbox still being down Friday. If I find it’s back up by then, I’ll fit this in at another point. My bright idea was, How about I take all the women that hit #1 on the 20th of January, and have a beauty contest? So I
Group #1 is, of course, groups. Seeings as a) I didn’t want to split them up, and b)Beyonce’s in one of the groups, I decided I’ll do them on their own.
Here are the contestants:
The Boswell Sisters, who hit #1 in 1935 with The Object Of My Affection;
The Andrews Sisters, who made it in 1938 with Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen and in 1950 with I Can Dream, Can’t I;
Dawn (skip the ugly one in the middle) who topped the chart in 1971 with Knock Three Times;
and Destiny’s Child, who were at #1 in 2001 with Independent Women.
In all fairness, Beyonce getting two shots isn’t fair, and Telma Hopkins isn’t really my cup o’ tea, so I’ll take Patty, Maxine, and Laverne. Besides, I Can Dream, Can’t I is basically the theme song to this post.
Now, the rest of our lovely ladies I’m dividing up into three classes. The first group I’m calling, “nice pipes, but this is a beauty contest”:
Patti Page, who topped the pops in 1951 with The Tennessee Waltz;
The magnificent Kate Smith who topped the chart in 1932 with River, Stay ‘Way From My Door (with Guy Lombardo’s orchestra);
Singer and comedienne Ada Jones, who topped the charts in 1913 with Row! Row! Row!;
Ke$ha, who led the league two years ago with Tik Tok;
Evelyn Knight, at #1 in 1949 with A Little Bird Told Me;
Lady Gaga, at #1 in 2009 with Just Dance;
and Diana Ross who had the Theme From Mahogany at #1 in 1976.
Our second category is the beauty pageant’s version of Almost But Not Quite:
Dionne Warwick, who joined her friends in 1986 with That’s What Friends Are For;
Madonna, who was Like A Virgin back in 1985;
Whitney Houston, who really sunk her chances with me with I Will Always Love You in 1993;
Toni Braxton, who was #1 in 1997 with Un-break My Heart;
and Christina Aguilera, who was on top in 2000 with What A Girl Wants.
That brings us to the final eight:
Rhianna, on top currently with We Found Love;
Beyonce, who topped this week in 2007 with Irreplaceable;
Mariah Carey, who was #1 in 1996 with One Sweet Day;
Carly Simon, at #1 in 1973 with You’re So Vain;
Brandy, the top of 1999 with Have You Ever;
Petula Clark, the #1 song in 1965 with Downtown;
Here’s one outta left field- Joan Webber, who hit the top in 1955 with Let Me Go, Lover;
And the late, great, Karen Carpenter, who was at #1 with her brother in 1975 with Please Mr. Postman.
Anyone wants to pitch in their votes, go right ahead. For me, the eyes have it- and that means the first annual (Hey, who said I’m doing this again!!??!) Time Machine Beauty contest goes to-
That’s all from the spacious Martin Theatre for this one, kids. I’m gonna go cue up the Andrews Sisters.