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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Thursday, November 29, 2012

Fun with scam posts

I know, we've hit this before- when you get those comments on youir blog that seemingly have nothing to do with what you wrote about, and then comes that last line-  "My website: (usually stupid link)."  Check your spam filter, you know you have them.

But instead of just saying "you are stupid for sending them, or merely a critique, or even throwing up our hands and (once again) asking them to explain WHY on earth they would think we'd ever click on them, I've decided we're going to rate my current crop.

I'll rate them on 1) coherence of thought; 2)germaine-ness to topic posted on; and 3) stupidity of link.  Since this is for my entertainment, it will be on a 1 to 5 scale with 1 being, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant", and 5 being, "I didn't know it was feeding time at the asylum already."  Now that you know the rules, let's look at contestant #1:

From the post "A little this and that, and Sports Tuesday":  Hi it's me, I am also visiting this web site daily, this web page is truly fastidious and the viewers are genuinely sharing nice thoughts.
Also visit my site ... grow tall for idiots

Coherence:  WTH is a fastidious website? 4.
Germaine:  Since I got 4 nice comments, I'll give this a 2.
Link: A solid 5.
Score: 3.67.

#2, From the post "Vietnam and Constantinople": I'm impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that's both equally educative and entertaining, and
let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head.
The issue is something which not enough people are speaking
intelligently about. I'm very happy I stumbled across this during my hunt for something regarding this.
Take a look at my blog : raspberry ketones weight loss

Coherence: Not bad at all. Give it a 1.
Germaine: Pretty good, in an ambiguous sort of way. 2.
Link: Who cares about raspberry ketones? 1.
Score: 1.33.

#3, from the caps blog post "Playing Catch Up": I was recommended this blog through my cousin. I'm now not sure whether or not this submit is written via him as nobody else know such distinct about my problem. You are wonderful! Thank you!
Check out my web site - internet casino

Coherence: "Nobody else know such distinct about my problem"? 5.
Germaine:   "Nobody else know such distinct about my problem"? 4.  I was going to give it a 5, but I am wonderful.
Link: Please, this is a big fail. 1.

#4, From "As If There Needed To Be Another Reason":  Hello my family member! I wish to say that this article is awesome, great written and include almost all significant infos.

I would like to look extra posts like this .
Feel free to surf my blog ; how to make an app

Coherence:  Dubious at best. 3.
Germaine: If nothing else, I suspect the sender is NOT a family member. 2.
Link: Another big fail.  Can't you people be funny like the first guy? 1.
Score: 2.

And our final contestant for today, from the Caps blog post "Because it pays to pay attention": Imagine what if there was found guide which teach win a lottery 98% of time. Find out this web page if you want to win lottery almost every time you play ...

Coherence:  Better than some.  2.
Germaine: Since Laurie has only managed to hit 3 numbers on 8 tickets on the last two Powerball draws, fairly germaine to life if not to the post.  Split the difference and give 'em a 3.
Link: Too lazy to hyperlink??? WTH!!! -3.

So that gives us a final rating of:
"grow tall for idiots"- 3.67
"internet casino"- 3.33
"how to make an app"- 2.00
"raspberry ketones"- 1.33
"lottery"- 0.67.

Congrats to grow tall for idiots! You are the first winner in the spam comment ratings game!

I do have a couple of regular scams I may as well hit to clear out my junk file.  First, we have a job offer:

I'm looking for someone who can handle my business & personal errands at his/her spare time. Someone who can offer me these services:

* Send Payment and Receive payment

* Shop for Gifts

* Bill payment (pay my bills on my behalf)

* Sit for delivery (at your home) or pick items up at nearby post office at your convenience.

I am currently on a business trip in Canada so there will be no interview. I will prepay you in advance to do my shopping. I will also have my mails and packages forwarded to your address. If you will be unable to stay at your house to get my mails, I can have it shipped to a post office near you and then you can pick it up at your convenience. When you get my mails/packages, you are required to mail them to where I want them mailed to. You don't have to use money out of your pocket. All you have to do is have the package(s) shipped to wherever I want and do my shopping. You are allowed to open the packages to reveal its content. You will work between 15 to 20hrs a month. The payment is $500 per week. That is not a bad offer is it? I need your service because I am constantly out of town. I will be returning to USA in month of December/January so this process will be going on till then.If you don't mind, I will meet up with you when I return and then we can talk about the possibility of making this long term. Well, let me know if you are able to handle the position.

Let me know if you will be able to offer me any or all of these services. Contact me via this email address:

Email Address:

Guideline & Benefit as follow

***Weekly pay $500

***Don't reply back to the sender email address

***Candidate from USA only.

*** no sign up fee is required.

Kenneth Ziegler

Because we ALL know Canada's just so far away!  You do get that your talking  "15 to 20 hours a month" for ONE month, right?  I especially liked the "Don't reply back to the sender e-mail address"- it's about time somebody figured they'd better account for the fact that they are sending from a hacked e-mail address.  I also like that I can open the package- I guess that's to allay the fear of passing drugs on down the line.  Or is it just to implicate the opener in whatever he's doing?  I tell you what, Ken.  Just start sending me the $500, and we'll see.

And finally, another of those oh-so-irritating "let's put all the info in the subject line and send a blank e-mail" deals.  This one is from "Mr. Bayford's Donations", and says:
£1.5 Million Pounds Have Been Donated to you by the 2012 euro millions lottery winners, please get back to us for more info.

Looking into this one, I discovered that other people have gotten this e-mail:

I am Adrian Bayford, I and my wife were Recent winners of the euoro million lottery of £148.6 million , and have voluntarily decided to donate the sum of 2 Million pounds ($3.20 million ) to you along with my new found half brother Paul Wilson as part of our own charity project to Improve the lot of 20 unknown lucky individuals all over the world plus 15 Close friends and family. If you have received this email then you are one
Of the lucky recipients and all you have to do is get back with
us so that
We can send your details to our
lawyer to proceed with legal remittance of your funds to you

Which, when you dig yet deeper, you find this:

This is Adrian and Gillian Bayford, who DID hit the EuroMillions up for £ 148 Million- but are NOT currently looking to divvy it up with strangers.  The scam came to their attention in late August, about two weeks after they hit the biggest jackpot in English history.  In a bit of understatement, Bayford's business partner, Richard Hudspith, said, "I think we can safely say that’s it’s complete rubbish."  Do tell.

Okay, that's it for this one.  Keep those scam posts coming, and see if you can break 3.67!


  1. Oh my gosh i HATE those spam emails!! I sold a couch recently off of Craigslist and i was hit twice with emails that were almost word to word exact as yours above. They were traveling but that they would have their admin send me a check to reserve my item. Crazy and compete rubbish. :)

    1. One thing I've learned is that if YOU got a scam mail, a million others have too.

  2. I am not knowing how to hygienically clean my persnickety blog of many of words from manglers of syntax. So, to wax poetically of the well-springs of our nature, I would ask that a money order be sent to the Nigerian Consulate. Big bucks and many buxom chickens await.

  3. That was good, clean fun!

    I was particularly tickled by this:

    "Rarely do I encounter a blog that's both equally educative and entertaining"

    I think I would have opted to use the word "educational", but then maybe that's why HIS comments get attention and mine rarely do.

    Educative... educative... educative...
    I gotta remember to use that one.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    1. Hey, I just took it as a compliment and didn't nitpick. Since half these guys learn their English from google translate, I figured it probably was a real word.

  4. CWM:
    ...I damn near pissed myself laughing at your post here.

    The "rating" system you've developed is beyond BRILLIANT!

    3.67...the NEW benchmark for scamming.
    Gotta love that.

    You made my week with this one...still smiling over it.
    (and yes, by all means, PLEASE send CWM that $ to see how that pans out.)

    Stay safe up there.

    1. I'll send you the next one I get for adult diapers...

  5. Spam is always entertaining, except for the ones that are just random gobbledy gook. Those ones are just plain irritating.
    Great post (yes, I am playing catch up again)