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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Lord, what fools these mortals be!!! (possibly volume I)

So said Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream, and here in this midwinter evening, I tend to agree.  Let me lead off the parade by inviting you to check out Miss CB's blog, not because she IS a fool, but because she did such a good job of ranting about one particular group of fools- these overzealous school officials handing out suspensions and expulsions to kindergartners and grade schoolers for the heinous crimes of threatening others lives with paper handguns and bubble-firing assault weapons.  I bring this up not only to congratulate her for a job on the topic I'm envious of, but to get you to read my humourous comment on the post.  No, wait!  I brought it up to add tonight's example of this rampant stupidity, courtesy FoxNews:

A Colorado second-grader may be suspended from his elementary school after he disobeyed a key rule of no weapons, real or imaginary, when he tossed an imaginary grenade Friday during recess and went, 'pshhh,' to indicate that the imaginary device detonated, reported.
Alex Watkins,7, who attends Mary Blair Elementary in Loveland, said he was playing the game "Rescue the World." He plays the role of a heroic soldier out to rid the world of an evil threat.
His duties led him to throw the imaginary grenade into a box he pretended contained evil forces. He said he didn't make any threats and was playing by himself, reported.
The school has a list of 'absolutes' that states no weapons, even if they're imaginary. A phone call Tuesday morning from to the school was not immediately returned.
"Honestly, I don’t think the rule is very realistic for kids this age," Mandie Watkins, Alex's mom, told "I think that when a child is trying to save the world, I don't think he should be punished for it."
Alex, for his part, told the station that he can’t believe he got "dispended."

I can't believe he got dispended, either.  THIS IS GONE TOO FAR!!!  I would dearly love, as I said in that comment you should have read by now, to interview an official that REALLY thinks this is a good idea.  I want him to face a mirror as he/she talks, and woe betide them should they use the phrase "zero tolerance" as an excuse. Alex, I invite you to come over and throw hand grenades at my house anytime!  But, beware, because I'll be playing Underdog and I will still be standing after your bomb goes "pshhh"!

When teachers are stupid, I am not slow,
it's hip, hip, hip, and awaaaaay I go!

Another story from FoxNews might not be stupid, but it has potential:

Americans should work less, play more -- and in doing so, save the planet. That’s the basic formula a Washington think tank is shopping around as a way to cut down on global warming.
The shift from a U.S. work model to a more "European" one – which includes shorter work weeks and more vacation time -- could cut as much as half of the expected global temperature rise by 2100, according to a new report from the Center for Economic and Policy Research. The study claims that scaling back on work hours could bring down greenhouse gases.
“The calculation is simple: fewer work hours means less carbon emission, which means less global warming,” economist David Rosnick said.
Assuming that 40-to-60 percent of potential global warming is already locked in, about one-quarter to one-half of the warming that is not already locked in could be cut by scaling back hours, Rosnick, who wrote the study, said.

But it's not all umbrella-drinks and beaches. There is a trade-off that many people may not like, he said.
Obviously, if you are working less, you’re buying less,” he said. “That’s the flip side.”
Rosnick’s study released this week is similar to a 2006 one he co-wrote with economist Mark Weisbrot that looked at the potential environmental effects of European and other countries adopting the American ethic of longer work hours.
In that report, the authors found that “Old Europe” currently consumes about half as much energy per person as does the U.S....If they choose to follow the U.S. model, they would apparently consume 30 percent more energy than they do now.

I've never wanted to serve the green more than I do right now.

Next up, A friend who wishes to remain anonymous sent me this link, with the admonition "read the reviews.  If you are too busy saving the environment to click through, it is an page her husband found selling an honest to gosh can of radioactive uranium.  the comments and reviews are hilarious- for example:

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

So glad I don't have to buy this from Libyans in parking lots at the mall anymore.

After my neighbour experienced sudden hair loss, she shared her secret with me. Now I enjoy the ease of Uranium Ore(tm) and have thrown out my razor and home hot wax kit for good. Since the first application, I have not had any regrowth. I don't think I will ever need to visit a salon for those embarrassing bikini wax sessions!
Thank you Uranium Ore(tm)!

As I was typing this, she sent me two more links, which I shall look into right now.  Please, talk among yourselves until I get back...

Okay, the first one is for bacon scented soap.  Well, some reviewers say it smells just like bacon, others say it smells rather chemically.  And there are still others...

I was dropping over $40 a month at the butcher shop just to get that delicious bacon-scrub smell every morning, but the lard buildup sure wasn't helping my skin. Now I have clear skin and an extra $36 to spend at the fish market for my evening baths! The neighborhood cats love me...

The third one was for bacon cake frosting.  I'm lying, you say? 

The reviews here, it seems, were something less than mixed.

I then found yet a fourth link, this one for bacon band-aids.  Each box has a toy surprise inside.  I'll bet you can't wait to see what kind of surprise they put in bacon band-aids.  Hurry, just 16 left!

Finally, I thought I'd mention that, in the last 24 hours, I've gotten no fewer than six comments on the cap blog telling me everything I didn't want to know about drug and alcohol addiction, four from the link "what is addiction" and two more from "alcohol rehabilitation centers".  It would almost be worth the spam involved in going to these links and asking, "Would you PLEEEASE just read the article, you'll see I'm dealing with THE CAP, not THE BOOZE!!!"

I hope that I have encouraged you all out there that at least, no matter what you messed up today, you didn't- and wouldn't- do this!


  1. CWM:
    ROFLMAO...this is priceless!

    I followed those school stories, and I have to say that in WAY too many cases, the INMATES are running the ASYLUMS, now...

    Why are sommany nutjobs SO intent on "protecting" people (from seemingly every damn thing known to man) when all they have to do is figure out how to TEACH people to behave in ways we USED to?

    A "Washington Think-Tank"...perhaps you've discovered a NEW OXYMORON here?
    Methinks so.
    And too much of anything (yes, even BACON) is not necessarily a GOOD thing.

    Excellent post.

    Stay safe (and humorous) up there.

  2. MmMmM bacon anything sounds good :) America has been to sensitive for a long time now, seems it's only getting worse. Poor kids can't be kids anymore!

  3. Top story on our news this week "Childcare centres ban blowing out candles on birthday cakes" Apparently little children are spitting germs on shared cakes. Lets just wrap that bubble wrap even tighter around our kids.

    Not sure I would be a fan of bacon soap although I have had some that was chocolate scented.

    1. Maybe I'll look that one up for round two. At least it makes a molecule of sense.