Central Bank Of Nigeria
Financial System Stability Directorate
I am responding to your e-mail of yesterday. I appreciate that it is from your PERSONAL e-mail account (paymasterofficemail@ katamail .com, which is not only a clever name to fool scammers, but also wise that you are using an Italian based server) in order to combat the trashing of your good reputation by the scammers which I read about on all the scam e-mail sites.
I also appreciate how you have to use commas for every break instead of proper punctuation to throw them off. It does make it a bit difficult to follow, but I think I have the gist of it, as well as why you want me to "keep it to myself". I also appreciate the logistical efforts made in my behalf- why just getting yourself, the 11 men on the board of directors (looked it up), the President, the Federal Assembly of 469 members (ditto) around one table to look at the file on li'l ol' me is amazing.
I am a bit confused as to how I misplaced $10.7 million of my money with your bank however. Perhaps it was during a transfer from savings to checking in order to pay my radiologist (who's probably wondering what happened to me), my rent (who MUST be fair and charge even five year tenants late fees to scare the riff-raff who are always late), or the History Channel Club (who I usually pay late so they stop sending me so much junk). In any event, I am glad that you were honest enough to let me know about it.
In keeping of this spirit, I am enclosing the information you requested.
1) FULL NAMES: Puddin' Tang, AKA Joe Smith, AKA Barack Obama
2) COUNTRY AND ADDRESS: a tree as high as the Moon, AKA 1600 Pennsylvania, United States (or Hawaii or Indonesia or Uganda, depending on name
3) AGE AND DIRECT TELEPHONE: 51, give or take 10 years, P/N 202-456-1111 ask for Barry.
Along the line yesterday, I told you what happened to the poor Canberra Knights. Just wait, it gets better.
But first, I am pleased to announced that Adelaide Knocked off BOTH of the top teams this weekend! Saturday, the Ouellette brothers did in Newcastle 5-3. Each had two goals, and they added six assists between them, as the Ads twice held three-goal leads before Dominic Osman and Pier-Oliver Cotnoir scored 31 seconds apart to cut the lead to one before brother Britt scored with 2 ticks left. Sunday, they whapped the Ice Dogs 4-1 behind 3 Josef Rezek goals, two of 'em unassisted. This pulled Adelaide (5-7-2) into a fifth place tie with Perth and past the Sydney Bears.
The other two games of the weekend were the "which Melbourne team can beat Canberra worse" contests. I already told you that the 'Stangs hung a 10-1 thumping on the Knights Saturday with FIVE goals by Jamie Bourke and 8 tallies just in the third period.
Sunday, the Ice broke both those marks.
They put NINE in the net in the third period en route to a 16-0 rout of Canberra. Todd Graham ( who had 2 goals all year coming in) had a hat trick and an assist; Tommy Powell ( who had three goals coming in) scored three more and added 2 assists; and three other players had 2 each (including top scorers Matt Armstrong and Mitch Humphries), as the Ice scored 3 goals 40 seconds apart, 2 goals 9 seconds apart, and 3 goals 1:31 apart- all at separate points of the third period! And add to that it was already 7-0 going into the third period.
You have to feel for goalie Chris Slauenwhite (who took a seat after giving up goals 8 and 9 on just 4 shots). The man has faced 81 more shots than anyone else, and has made 42 more saves, and still is giving up close to 7 goals a game. His backup, Stuart Woodall, fared no better as the two combined to give up a third period goal every second shot. I guess you can look at it this way- they cut the shots against down to 43 (about 8 fewer that they've averaged on a now-nine game losing streak); but the took as many shots themselves (16) as they gave up goals! And even though they've only put together a 21-68-11 record the last four years, this year they may join Bat-Yam Israel and China Dragon as one of the worst teams of all time! In fact, they would have to score .7 more goals a game the rest of the way and give up 2.35 less goals a game just to tie the WORST they did the last four years!
BTW don't expect any walk pictures today. We took a short one about 8:30 AM, and Scrappy was already so hot, he drank a bowl of water, quietly ate his breakfast and passed out.