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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

But, I am home...

...but this has been a 24-hour "stick your little Chris voodoo doll" day.

Start off with paying the Water bill last night.  And not noticing that Laurie's card info came up instead of mine, and thus I paid it out of her nearly empty account.  Which caused her to catch me on the way from the bathroom at 12:15 AM wondering how $40 disappeared from her account.

Add to it a lovely day at work.  In an effort to keep this from being a book, just look at any post where I said something about things going wrong at work.  Subtract the cutter not working, the computer going spastic, and multiply everything else by two or three.  That was today.  (Featuring, "turn a 10 minute job into an hour and 20 minute job by having to go through 2 1/2 packs of blades to find ONE that actually cuts.")

Run to the bank to fix the bill snafu, return to find Scrappy had apparently needed out while we were gone.

Top with another round of, "the wireless router is being cranky.  Turn off both computers, unplug the router.  Count to 30, replug and reboot.  Repeat until everything works."


But now it's been over an hour since anything fell to crap on us, At least, anything that's readily apparent.  So here's some more Aaron Hernandez contestants for ya.

Contestants 1-6:  These gentlemen crossed into a nature preserve in Sumatra, hunting for some expensive kind of wood they were going to sell.  (Mistake #1- committing an illegal act.) They braved the jungle because incense sticks made from it have been known to go for from $260 to $10,000 for a pound and a third.  As night begins to fall, set a small trap to catch some food. 


Mistake #2- Shrimp Crackers.  40,000 rupiahs ($3.99) at your local store.

Oops!  You've caught a tiger cub!  And before you can say, "I'm not fricasseeing THAT..."  his whole family gathers around. (mistake #3:  "Nice kitty... nice kitties...")

Upshot of the story:  One man becomes tiger food; the other five try out the Jungle Fitness Water And Tree Bark diet for FOUR days at the top of a neighborhood Tualang.  Eventually rescuers tried a handful of unsuccessful plans to move the Family Stripe along; but finally, they just got bored and left. 

Here's another set of contestants!  Number one was a 54-year-old man in Crossville, in Tennessee (go figure), whose neighbors (contestants #s 2 and 3) drop by for a visit.  Mrs. Neighbor sends hubby "home to get her cigarettes" and then asks C#1 if she can swim in his pool- in the nude.  Some combination of her looks and his horniness resulted in not only her swimming, but him watching for 20 minutes- while hubby was inside stealing around $1200 in handguns, jewelry, and medication.

Contestant #1- it takes 20 minutes for hubby to go fetch cigarettes?  Time sure flies...
Contestants 2 and three- this might work better on someone who can't IDENTIFY you... but you do get points for skipping town before the cops could find you.

Contestants galore!  Here's two more:

Reps. Donna Edwards, D-Md., and Eddie Bernice Johnson, D-Texas, propose in the "Apollo Lunar Landing Legacy Act" that a national historical park on the moon be created to ensure the American landing sites are preserved for future generations.
The lawmakers say the legislation is necessary to protect the Apollo landing sites for "posterity," as commercial space exploration increases and more foreign nations head to space.
The Hill reports the bill would allow the federal government to accept donations to help preserve the landing sites and would create visitor services and administrative offices "within reasonable proximity to the Historical Park."


I guess on the bright side, it wouldn't cost much in NPS tour guides or lawn mowing.  But where the hell would they consider "within reasonable proximity"?

I know!  I know!  Put them in Al Gore's mansion!

 
Okay, okay, one more.  You can read the whole thing here on Fox News, but here's the gist:  Woman takes overdose of drugs.  Staff fails to give the treatment in ER that specialists told them.  Goes into coma, starts having seizures.  As she starts to improve, doctors misread a CT scan that showed her brain being "normal", declaring her to have incurable brain damage (perhaps they were reading their own); thus the family decided to take her off support and donate her organs.  Then they said she suffered a "cardiopulmonary arrest " and prepared to harvest her organs.  Just then-

She wakes up.  Hmm, perhaps we should have run tests...

Upshot here:  The woman ends up finishing her suicide two years later (and three years ago).  The Department of HHS (is this Health and Human Services, or Hardly Helpful Surgeons?) releases the report on the massive failures today.  The hospital, St. Joseph’s Hospital Health Center in Syracuse, N.Y., gets a whopping $6,000 fine.


Hey, none of you voted yesterday!  Let's get some voting done!

10 comments:

  1. Geez, that last one just makes you wonder....

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    Replies
    1. That's the beauty of idiot posts- gives you an excuse to scratch your head.

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  2. CWM:
    NOW I know where my "typical" Tuesday went...lol.

    -- With all the other hats I wear around our place (makes me look TEN ft tall), I DO defer the banking to my CFO...aka my better half, The lovely Mrs. Bobby G.
    (she really DOESN'T want to find an Aston Martin in place of my Firebird in the garage...ROFL)

    -- Yeah, the infamous "reboot something" from THOSE companies that provide Internet connections...that ALWAYS works...(mumbles hardly ever).

    -- And adding these latest A/H contestants makes choosing JUST ONE even MORE difficult.

    Can't we all be "PC" for a moment, and give them ALL some award JUST for showing up to BE stupid?
    It would work well in this instance.
    Love the idiots...makes the rest of us look SO much better.

    Stay safe up there

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  3. The second set of contestants are just a little to close to my home.

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    Replies
    1. Please insert a "present company excepted" for posts about Tennessee. There are just so many people in the South determined to live the stereotype, it's hard not to feature some. At least it's not all in one city, like Philly...

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  4. As a transplant I have definitely seen and read a few shocking stories about the antics of southerners. I have also met some really awesome people as well. I won't take the stories personally. I will laugh right along with you.

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    Replies
    1. I appreciate it. I try to hard to offend the people I want to offend without offending the ones I don't want to.

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  5. The robbery cracks me up. What did they think - he wouldn't report his neighbors? Wow. Stupidity.

    I realize you are on furlough here for a bit. I wish you strength and happiness to get through it my friend. And you let me know who is sticking the voodoo doll. I'll stick'em right back for you.

    In my prayers. Always. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can always count on you. You hit the part I found most amusing, and laughed at it.

      As for the voodoo doll, I have my suspicions... but he's bigger than I am. I'll have to "wait upon the Lord" on this one. And your prayers are a big part of that, thank you. ALL OF YOU!

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