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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Friday, September 27, 2013

Chefs Chris and Scrappy

A lot of my FaceBook friends like to dish out what they call "food porn".  Now, me, I never thought much about it.  Laurie and I eat on the "fend for thyself" plan, and there's a good reason for that, which I am about to show you.  (Also, I have just a smidge of political commentary while it cooks, so you don't go into too much shock over this drastic change in modus operandi).

The basic concept (indeed the basic concept of about 90% of what I eat) is either, "you can never have enough cheese", or, "you can turn anything into a pizza".  And today we do it with Buttermilk Biscuits.

Here we have our typical store brand roll of biscuits.  (yes, there ARE supposed to be ten... I always have one before cooking to "test the batch.")

Next, we go to the Big Three: onion powder in bunches, Italian seasoning in puffs, and garlic powder carefully and sparingly.

Now the sauce, or should I say sauces; Prego traditional for the red fans, Ragu roasted garlic parmesan for the whites.

First the Prego (because it's Laurie's and I don't wanna get any white stuff in her jar, so to speak)...

Then I mix in the Ragu, to make pink sauce.

Assistant chef Scrappy watches.  He's in charge of spillage.

Next comes onion (because outside of cheese, it's about all we have to top a pizza with around here).  Don't you love the little onion keeper?

As you can see, it's not a lot of onion... I love onions, but they tear up my mouth something fierce.

Say cheese!  (Can you tell this is an "I worked late and haven't got cleaned up yet" deal?)

And because it's with me everywhere- and gives it a little lasagna taste- cottage cheese!
And here is our assistant, checking the cheese quality.

Then we add mountains of soon-to-be-melted mozzarella, and it's into the oven with you.  We'll check back in a few minutes.  But now...
I had the wonderful fortune after a crappy day with a helping of OT to hear our President bloviating on the way home.  I want to share a few thoughts on the speech.
First, he mentioned wanting to help the "great Iranian people reach their amazing potential."  Dude, the only potential that nation is interested in is:
a) Using the nukes they "don't have" to incinerate Israel;
b) Doing like wise, in bits and pieces, to the country YOU LIVE IN, homey;
and c) then doing it to all their "Muslim brothers" who don't see Allah quite the way they do.
That's what you want to help?
Second; his opinion that getting Assad to turn over his chemical weapons to UN inspectors for destruction  will be "a great victory for the international community".  Just like the great victories the international community had at Troppau 1820, Berlin 1878, Versailles 1918, and Munich 1938.  Point being:  the UN gets rid of Assad's chemical weapons, he kills just as many by conventional means, his opponents do likewise, But the international community can slap itself on the back that it "did something important" without actually getting involved.
Third:  "The deficit has been reduced at the fastest rate in the last 60 years.  During my administration alone, the deficit has been cut in half."  (And no, I didn't wreck the car when I heard that; traffic was slow.)  I would have to ask several questions before swallowing this statement.
a) Which deficit are we talking about?  In your bank account?
b) When you consider that the deficit has done nothing but climb in the last sixty years, it wouldn't take much to exceed any time period's specific rate.
c) What do you pay per month to live in this dream world you are in?
Fourth:  "But the republicans in Congress are listening to the Tea Party..."  Ask a tea partier whether they think that's true.  Ask specifically about that weasel John McCain.  You might want to have him remove his nose from your butthole before you do (apologies to the easily offended).
Fifth:  Even though the deficit is plummeting according to you, you say that the Congress needs to raise the debt ceiling.  "The debt ceiling has nothing to do with the deficit.  It is merely authorizing the Treasury to pay the obligations that Congress has already authorized."
So, that's like saying, "Putting more money on your credit card isn't adding to your debt; it's merely paying for things that the card said you could buy."  Congress spending the money causes the deficit.  Giving them more money to spend makes it get bigger.  But one has nothing to do with the other.  Can someone help me here, is this Keynesian economics?
Okay, the pizza should be done now.  Let's take a look.

Hmm, not bad.  In theory, because this is made of unattached biscuits, this should be a self-slicing pizza- what better invention could there be?

How was it, you ask?  Well, if you could live for weeks trapped in an Olive Garden restaurant like Scrappy and I, it was excellent.  If you need more than cheese and sauce and cheese and cheese to make a meal, your mileage may vary.


  1. Kevin is currently drooling over the pictures of the pizza. I have been instructed to add these items to our grocery list for next week. lol. It looks delicious! :)

    1. You might wanna make sure the sides are browner... it was a tad soft in the middle. But I eat the first one raw, so wadda I know?

  2. Replies
    1. The hardest part is getting the mozzarella back in the fridge without getting mugged by the asst. Chef...

  3. If only I could eat it. *sigh* I accidentally made my omelet with Mexican spiced cheese this morning. It was deliciously unexpected. :)

    1. Y'know, I thought I was creating a monster- but everyone likes the darn thing!

  4. Chris:
    "Food Porn"...ROFLMAO!

    Wifey and I usually have pizza BAGELS (had them back in Philly ages ago, and fortunately, when it comes to many things in life, I do have a photographic memory.
    (and I know what tastes good).

    And you can whip those buggers up for pennies on the dollar...seriously.
    The biscuits idea is a good one, too.
    Ever try "stuffed" biscuits (with cheese)?
    (I know you will, if you haven't already).

    And the recent commercial I saw for Steak & Shake for stuffed BURGERS?
    I did that way back in the late 70s
    (and never got a dime for THAT idea,

    As for politics?
    (taking them all into the street and beating them about the face and head would be a GOOD start.)
    This politically-"correct"(?) manner of SPENDING is so out-of-whack, it's not funny.
    NO ONE can ever spend themselves to prosperity from a deficit...that's what I call "economical physics", and THOSE laws cannot be changed either.

    Excellent post.

    Stay safe (and well-fed) up there.