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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, January 27, 2014

More of "What You Want"

Before I start, let me say that, yes, I'm laid off another week.  Seems (our biggest customer) is feverishly prepping for a trade show and won't be issuing any orders this week.  So there is just a skeleton crew working.  And as I have flesh on me, I was deemed "unnecessary".  Fine with me.  It is currently 2 degrees F outside at 9:30 AM (-16.67 C, 256.4 K), and I had little interest in getting out anyway.  I did go out to make sure the car starts, and was shocked, I tell you, to see what looked like a big spidery crack in the windshield- not to worry, it was just frost posing as a crack.  And thankfully the brutally cold wind had cleared the car of snow for the most part.

But not to whine overmuch- I follow polar explorer Felicity Aston on twitter, and she tweeted yesterday about ice fishermen in far eastern Russia (the "Pole of Cold") drilling through a meter of ice to ice fish at -49 F.  Frankly, I'd eat my foot first, if I could defrost it.


felicity_aston@felicity_aston 3h
18th Jan open water in Russia is considered holy. Swim and all your sins are cleansed. No one took the plunge at -52 C 
 
 
 

Anyway, I did that "(name the place) wants..." searches again, this time doing the nations of Europe.  And I found that most of the "flyspeck" nations- Andorra, San Marino, Luxembourg, Vatican City, Monaco, and Liechtenstein, which combine for an area about twice that of Allen County, Indiana ( and without Luxembourg, about half the size of the East Allen Schools District) are content and want nothing.  Joining them in bliss are Moldova, Bosnia, Montenegro, Albania, and the Czech Republic- although the Czech Rep. is concerned that Sarah Palin wants to invade them. Another kind of sidelight concern arises in the Netherlands, Switzerland, and Slovakia, where the farmer wants a wife.

Of course the main concern in several nations, as it was in Wisconsin, is to get One Direction and/or Justin Bieber to come there.  Slovakia and Lithuania want both of these highly talented musical acts (here's where that "sarcasm font" would come in handy), while Bulgaria, Croatia, and Hungary are more concerned with 1D and Slovenia (who BTW is also broadcasting the Super Bowl next Sunday) is more concerned with our darling little traffic violator.  Tangently, Belgium wants Eric Saade, who is apparently the Swedish Bieber.

Yep, send 'em One Direction... straight to Croatia.


Another major concern seems to be "getting their gold back", although I'm not sure where it went.  The Netherlands, Germany, and Switzerland seem to be missing their gold, which is a real problem for Germany, as Greece wants them "to pay" (presumably for all the civil service candy jobs that drove them into bankruptcy).

Of course, there are the usual territorial concerns:  Portugal wants to join Spain; Italy wants to buy back some island; Denmark wants Scania (the southern tip of Sweden); Latvia would like to be part of Sweden (but have Russian as an official language); Lithuania, like Italy, has an island they want to buy; Estonia is a little less picky than Latvia, wishing only to be Scandinavian (ie part of either Sweden, Denmark, or Norway); Ukraine wants to join Russia, while Belarus wants to marry Russia (good luck with that one); Hungary wants Transylvania back, presumably to gain royalties from vampire flicks; Romania wants Moldova; and Russia, as I may have mentioned when I did the 50 states, wants Alaska. Oh, and as usual, Spain wants Gibraltar, and Belgium wants to split in two.

Some of the political causes desired include:  Spain wants to tax the sun; France would like the Statue of Liberty back (are they gonna pay shipping?  If so, throw in the UN and call it a deal); Kosovo (who kinda already has it) and Ireland (who does have it) want independence; several countries, including Britain and Finland want to leave the EU, while Latvia, the Ukraine, Croatia, and Serbia want to join;  Germany wants to talk to Eric Snowden; Italy wants, peace, work, and calm; Sweden wants your garbage- and if they can't have it, they'll take Norway's; the Ukraine wants to ban SpongeBob, little radical that he is; Kosovo wants a national soccer team; and Romania wants Communism (because it worked out so well the first time).




Some nations have a little less noble desires:  Britain, so sorry to all the gun-control fans out there, wants its guns back; Denmark wants to burn the Koran; Norway wants to bomb Israel; while Bulgaria merely wants action on Hezbollah.  Those dastards in Malta want me dead- but don't laugh, because Norway wants YOU.

And some things are beyond explanation. Ireland wants "to bring" and "to renegotiate"; Belgium wants to see Romano briefs (you figure that one out, let me know); the Netherlands wants to build a mountain (but where would they put it?); Finland wants collateral (so don't go there for a loan).

My briefs?  You want my briefs?



Finally, Portugal doesn't want to give Finland collateral, so they're trying to get out of debt by selling soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo to Spain for 160 million Euros.  That will pay  a whopping 1% of their national debt.  Just think what they could do if they had Brazil's team!

9 comments:

  1. I think that you are addicted to Google like I am addicted to YouTube. I swear that they have laced that site with visual crack cocaine. Maybe they did the same to Google...

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  2. Nah, I'm just like ABC's Wide World of Stupid. "Spanning the globe, to bring you the constant variety..."

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  3. Chris:
    Somehow, I had a feeling that I'd be LMAO over these nations...and you did not disappoint!
    (nor did they)

    I cannot BELIEVE what some of these countries "want"...
    Kinda makes OUR problems HERE seem that much MORE important and relevent.

    ROFL..."Wide World of Stupid"...oh, brother...that IS a keeper!
    You need to run THAT spot like I do with my "Believe It Or Else" spot...!
    "Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety"...LOL...too damn funny.
    (Jim McKay is smiling down on you)

    You are in fine form today, my friend.
    Keep it coming.

    Stay safe & warm up there.

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  4. Chris:
    Here's the intro...as it SHOULD be said:

    "Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of idiocy... the denial of victory... and the acceptance of defeat... the humanistic drama of moronic competition... This is MWN's Wide World of Stupid."

    Feel free to tweak it as necessary.

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    Replies
    1. I even made you up a "logo", shoukld you want to use it...just gotta find a way to send it to 'ya./

      :)

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  5. You have every right to moan and groan about your weather. I think mine is terrible but than I hear stories like yours and I think, "meh, mine isn't too bad."

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  6. I cant even imagine what -16 deg C feels like but I am pretty sure I dont want to experience it.
    Did you find out what Aussies want? (apart from an esky of coldies and another long weekend)

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