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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Friday, January 17, 2014

Time Machine week 103- the Beauty Contest edition

Today is January 17th, 1972.  Today the city of Memphis took 10 1/2 miles of US 51 in the city limits and renamed it the Elvis Presley Boulevard.

What?  That all the love ya got today, Chris?

Yes sir, I'm not on my a-game doing this.  I took Scrappy for a walk yesterday and it was a bit too cold for me.  Scrappy, for his part, went fast during the icy parts and slow during the cold parts.  So this TM might be missing a little of the love in the labor.  But the fix for that is it's finally time for the 2014 TM Beauty Contest- and wait till you see who Scrappy (yes, Scrappy) picked this year! Plus, I'll throw in a little more on the Redbone story from last week, and will fall asleep at least twice while typing!  (A note of caution- I just finished reading all you'all's blogs, and one comment of mine tried to spell "whether"  wheteheeeeeeeeeeeeer- no lie!)  So if one of you wants to take the wheel, here, we can get going.

The good news for those not interested in such things is that I detected no changes at the tops of the foreign charts.  And in probably our biggest consensus ever, American Pie was tops on all the national charts (with the exceptions of LA and San Diego, which had Brand New Key.  You'll have to wait and see if that was a good thing for Don McLean or a jinx.  Pie also topped the AC chart, while Let's Stay Together was on week 2 of 9 at the top of the R&B, and Merle Haggard moved up to the Country pinnacle with Carolyn- the 11th of his 25 #1s there to date.

The hot hundred debuts of note were three:  Grand Funk Railroad's Footstompin' Music came in at 100; The Addrisi Brothers, best known for writing Never My Love (and less known for not passing an audition for the original Mickey Mouse Club), come in at 88 with We've Got To Get It On Again.  (For those of you that remember, or Youtube the ones you don't, like me, there is a point they sing "we've got to get it on again/get our act together".  The first time I heard this- about 5 years back, actually- I turned that last part into "interact together", leaving me with a WTH moment until they swung through the line a second time.  I thought it was funny at the time;  why do I hear crickets?)  Finally, the Carpenters (yes, them again) come in at 61 with yet another classic- Hurting Each Other.

Darn it, we were THAT CLOSE to dating Annette...

Okay, before we move on to the birthday songs, let me give you a heads up on the birthday song process.  Each year, I go through and see how many women (sans groups this time, just too hard to work that out) I have pictured on TM that year.  This year, that list was 31 faces long!  Every one from Big Mama Thornton (Sorry, hope you weren't eating) to Bonnie Tyler, to Lucy Van Pelt to Marcie.

Little known fact:  She grows up to be Velma on Scooby-Doo.

Then I thin down the heard to a more reasonable size (cut it to 17 this year), and finally to a final group.  Last year, Scrappy picked the winner by choosing one of five McDonald's fries.  This year, he'll be picking from one of his tasty treats with glucosamine and chondroitin for his joints to select the winner.  Okay, time for birthday songs.

Turning 30, we have John Lennon's posthumous hit Nobody Told Me; Huey Lewis and the News with I Want A New Drug (the head shaker "can it be that old" for this week), and the semi-official theme of the 1984 Olympics in LA, Manfred Mann's Earth Band with Runner.  Turning thirty-five, Anne Murray's I Just Fall In Love Again and this little known gem by Firefall:

Turning 40, we have John Denver's Sunshine On My Shoulder, along with Derringer's Rock And Roll, Hootchie Coo.  Turning 45, we have Tommy Roe's Dizzy and Todd Rundgren's first band, Nazz, with the first attempt of making Hello It's Me a hit.  Finally, turning 50 we have the Rivieras, fresh from their start at South Bend Central high school just a couple of hours away, with California Sun; along with the wonderful Dusty Springfield with I Only Want To Be With You.  Blow out the candles....

Our big mover this week, with a measely 13-notch climb to 78, is the Chakachas, a Belgian studio outfit with Jungle Fever- a song banned by the BBC for suggestive moaning.  Not as bad as Donna Summer on Love To Love You Baby, but certainly annoying.  Dropping the most this week is the former top ten Baby I'm-A Want You, down 21 to #75

Okay, now it's time to reveal the girls that beat the first cut, but not the second.  Envelope, please...

Donna Summer...

Doris Day...

Marianne Faithful...

Carly Simon....

Bonnie Tyler...

Linda McCartney

Linda Ronstadt...

Chaka Khan...

Mary Hopkin...

Jody Miller...


Tina Robbins, of Irish band the Real McCoys featuring Tina...

...and Sharon Stone.

These girls made it through to the second round, but not to the finalists. 

This week's almost But Not Quites on Steroids include Lee Michaels' Can I Get A Witness, which plunged to 56 after nosing into "airplay alley" at 40; Peter Nero's Summer Of '42 Theme, slipping from 21 to 25; and Dylan's George Jackson, sliding from 30 to 35.  Also, I'd like to add that the Guess Who's Sour Suite falls to 53 after standing just outside the doorway for two weeks at #41.

But, now, back to what's going up.  The J. Geils Band come in at 40, up just a pair, with Looking For A Love.  At 36, up 11, is Bobby Womack with That's The Way I Feel About Cha, which brings up the part of last week's Redbone story I forgot.  Bobby knew the Vegas brothers were putting together what they hoped would be an all-Native American band, but had no luck with the drummer.  They had an Anglo drummer, but Womack told them he'd been using a Cheyenne "spirit-drummer" from Washington named Peter DePoe.  ( How does a guy with six tribal bloodlines get a name like DePoe?  Turns out he had some French and German in him, too.)  So, the groups swapped drummers, and for a while, Redbone was all Indian.  Moving on, the high debut belongs to Led Zep, with Black Dog moving 12 to #34.

Okay, let me introduce you to the final four...

Merilee Rush (I'm sure you're not surprised there)...

Tina Louise, fresh from Gilligan's Island...

Marilyn Chambers, fresh from... well, you know...

...and Sally Carr, from Scots band Middle Of The Road.

Stay tuned and place your bets.  Scrappy will give you the winner in a little bit.

Two songs enter the countdown, two fall out.  Dropping are Hey Girl (9 to 19) and Got To Be There (4 to 16).

Betty Wright sweeps in to the #10 spot, up a pair, with Clean Up Woman.

Joe Simon powers his way into the ten at #9, a 4-spot climb for Drowning In A Sea Of Love.

The Jackson Five move up a pair to #8 with Sugar Daddy.

Family Affair slides a deuce to 7 for Sly Stone.

Jonathan Edwards climbs a quick 2 to #6 with Sunshine.

Dennis Coffey reaches the top five, up 2 with Scorpio.

Let's Stay Together climbs (guess what?) a pair for Al Green.

Famed drunk David Cassidy holds at 3 with Cherish.

Amazingly enough, American Pie slides a notch to #2 for Don McLean.

Which means that Melanie (pictured above, don't be lazy like me) returns to the top with Brand New Key!!!!

Okay, now the moment we've been waiting for.  Ready, Boofus?

Ready, Daddy!

From your left to right, the treats represent Rush, Louise, Chambers, and Carr.  And the winner....

The 2014 TM Beauty Contest winner is... Tina Louise!!!!!!

I've gotta confess... that was the outfit that did it...

And there you have it!  I'll be back next week, and hopefully more "with it", with more fun!


  1. I demand a re-count!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal Mary Ann Fan'

  2. I think this was fixed. The Professor dies and Ginger wins...not Mary Ann??!! hahaha. Very good tunes listed tonight. Great memories.

  3. All right, you two! Damn it, Scrappy picked... and I have the photos to prove it! And he picked Wednesday, so it had nothing to do with the Prof's death. I think that was caused by the rumors about him and Carol Brady...

  4. Ahhhhh, Linda Ronstadt...a beautiful woman with a sad story....

  5. Chris:
    I can run with (and would have loved to) almost ALL the women mentioned, except Linda McCartney...never quite could take to her.
    But GINGER?
    Yeah, that'll work (well) for me...
    And Melanie was SO damn cute (just didn't like her singing...)
    I know...weird taste in the ladies...LOL.

    Derringer, now THAT's a name (as Darth Vader would say) I haven't heard in ....
    Got to see Rick once in Philly...he did a jumping split ...and SPLIT his damn JEANS...had a decent drum/bass "jam" while he swapped his drawers out.
    Good solo act (branching out from the Edgar Winter Group).

    And while Tina Louise WAS hot, Dawn Wells (Mary Ann) could at least COOK...and SEW...and stay CUTE.

    Great ride this week...again (how does he do it?)

    Keep on rockin' up there...'cause you only rock one!

    1. First, may I say this was never intended to be the Ginger/Maryann battle (I too would take MA). Scrappy seems to have a thing for redheads (he took Patti Boyd last year).

      Second, Youtube Melanie doing Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow... you'll be surprised, as I was.

      Third, did we really need a story about Derringer splitting his pants when our minds are on lovely ladies? Nice story, but MAJOR buzzkill, lol.