Follow by Email

What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, February 3, 2014

More of What You Want (trust me, it's in there)

Well, we have a lot to cover this morning.  One of them ISN'T a new Martin World News post, as I didn't find sufficient stupidity to warrant one this week.  However, I did want to debut the new MWN symbol, suggested in a comment AND created by Bobby G.:



A masterful, job, dontcha think?  On the subject of pictures, Scrappy was on Facebook a couple times this weekend, and I thought I'd bring those to you...


 
 
 This one was captioned, "The look Scrappy gives when Daddy dances to the music".  If you want the truth, though, here he is seconds later...





The other one is from yesterday...

 
 
 
 It was captioned, "Hey!  This crap's ICE!"  Yes, we went for a short walk yesterday- no worries, because the complex had done a good job salting and the temp was just high enough that the ice was good and rotten.  Plus, we ran into 'Sada and her human again!





Next up, seeings as I'm laid off again, I filed for the weekly benefit Sunday morning at midnight.  I was sleepy, though, and hadn't considered that they'd still have the previous week's claim form up still, and I didn't notice until I hit continue and it asked me if I wanted to file for last week as well.  OOOPS!  So I wrote them a note explaining my stupidity and filed for the right week, figuring, they'd take their time, look things over, send me a severe reprimand, and hold my check for a week just to be pissy.  After all, I didn't get ANY of the payments for that last month I was off until Thursday of my first week back!  BZZZZT!  Payment for the week I worked two weeks ago has cleared, though I have nothing yet for last week.  I don't know if they just paid out the first week filed and ignored the second, or they just haven't gotten to the second, but I put in a call to the lady I worked with last time and I ain't touching nuttin' till I hear from her.

Unemployment fraudster and accomplice.

And now, the main event!  As I had been deluged with compliments for the "What You Want" series, where I type "(your place here) wants" into google search and see what it suggests, and got a request from Australia to do them, I bring you the British Commonwealth wants!  I did everyone currently in the Commonwealth except for the UK and Malta (who were on last week's Euro-list (and Malta just wanted me dead, anyway) and came up with the following:

Out of 50 nations, 26 were happy with what little they had, from Antigua and Barbuda to Vanuatu.  18 of the 25 Island nations were content, compared to 8 of the 25 continental entries.  But enough of them.  Once again, money is a popular topic:  in addition to Australia wanting it's gold back (WTH is all this gold going?), Canada would also like more money, Tonga ONLY wants our money, Zambia is demanding a 35% stake in foreign-owned mines.  They should get in touch with Cyprus, who wants to sell gold.

Another big timer last check is not so popular here.  Nobody wanted Justin Bieber, and only Cyprus wants a One Direction tour.  On the other hand, South Africa wants Amanda Palmer;  now, I had never heard of her, and after looking her up on wiki, I learned she's some sort of entertainer- and having read the story, am quite confident I don't want to know what KIND of entertainer. 

South Africa's cultural ambitions go beyond that, though.  They also want a bigger slice of Bollywood (the film industry out of Bombay/Mumbai, India).  Along with that, Nigeria would like a museum of fine arts, and Singapore would like creativity, not cramming.  I guess they want them to be creative since they also want to increase their population by having more babies.  In case you didn't know, Singapore is ALREADY the second most densely populated nation in the world, with almost 20,000 people per square mile (compare that only New York City (10), Los Angeles (2), and Miami (1) have incorporated neighborhoods at 20,000+, and NYC is the only full city that tops it, but they want more. )  And if they aren't creative enough?  Well, New Zealand wants some Singaporeans, so I guess they can go there.

Of course, we have the usual territorial adjustments desired:  Bangladesh and Pakistan both want to merge with India, which is funny because Pakistan also wants to destroy India; Canada wants to claim the North Pole, but they'll buy Detroit; Jamaica is also a bit schizophrenic, wanting both independence (which they already have) and British rule.  Sierra Leone also wants British rule, while Papua-New Guinea wants freedom.  Swaziland wants the KZN (a district in South Africa), Tanzania wants Lake Malawi, while Nigeria wants to leave Africa (banking on continental drift, I suppose).

Of course, there are the usual lofty goals:   Australia wants the US Military; Cyprus wants more (?); India would like apologies from both the US and Top Gear (British TV reality show); Kenya wants to industrialize; Malaysia wants peace in Panatang; New Zealand wants to make room for all those Singaporeans by banning cats; Singapore would like to be a medical hub (no doubt mainly OB-GYNs);and Tanzania would like to power ahead.

And then comes the oddball stuff.  Both Australia and New Zealand want you- however Australia wants to KILL you; Botswana would like to get their President a wife, while the Bahamas want to marry Prince Harry (what is this with whole nations getting hitched?); India wants to know, while those big X-Files fans in Malaysia want to know the truth;  Kenya wants "Phaedra's husband" (but after examination, I found this "Kenya" was a character on Real Housewives of Atlanta;  however the real Kenya wants Apollo, though what they'd do with a Greek sun-god I'm not sure); and Pakistan would like some war drones, no doubt to merge with India with.

Lastly, my only comment on the Super Bowl is another of those memes I saved just for Holli:

11 comments:

  1. OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! That is too funny and yet so true and so sad. My poor Tony!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chris:
    ROFLMAO...cripes, WHERE on God's green earth do you FIND this stuff???
    (hold on, maybe I really DON'T want to know THAT)

    Canada wants the NP but they'll settle for DETROIT...that has got to be in the top 3 for me of FUNNY (both the "weird" and "ha-ha" kind)

    And what JAMAICA wants (beside some cash for their BOBSLED team, to which I have NO affiliation) is liquid-spitting out the nose funny!

    Some great pics of "Facebook Scrappy"...when did HE become an unemployment fraudster anyway?
    ( Didn't even know he was on any payroll...thought it was ALL "under the table" - including the "dropped" food.)

    Great post and put an ear-to-ear smile on MY face (not easy to do down here)...thanks!
    Good way to start the week.

    Stay safe and warm up there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's true, the What You Want series is pretty damn great.

    Peyton Manning wants: to pretend like yesterday never happened. What Bowl?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, that means a lot from the best cartoonists on the net.

      Delete
  4. Further proof that people are CRAZY. Thanks for the chuckles.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think we all know exactly what Singapore REALLY wants to be more creative with. *wink*

    Personally, I love the one of him calling his Mom to pick him up. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha... wish I'd have thought about that angle on Singapore!

      I kinda also liked the one where Peyton pulls off the mask and he's actually Eli...

      Delete
  6. And I thought we only wanted some cooler weather and less bushfires or that could be me.
    No idea why we would want your military.
    In the second photo, Scrappy looks like he is laughing

    ReplyDelete