Today I think I can speak as a member of the world dumbasses club. Another bad day, another meltdown. Those who got splattered told me not to worry it, they'd feel the same way. I'm not as forgiving. But, the day is done, the stress eased, and I have a file with more dim bulbs than I thought, so let's have a look, interspersed with the calm, relaxing pictures of another nice day for a walk.
|In between the trees a woodpecker hides...|
March 27 (UPI) -- A Utah woman is facing a litany of charges after she allegedly tried to use a pound of bacon and a gas stove to burn down her ex-boyfriend’s home.
This woman, who was not content with an evening of harassing text messages to her ex, left the place with a wood burning stove open, hot coals scattered about the floor, and the bacon in ashes on the burner. She was charged with third degree felony arson, along with burglary (for coming in uninvited) assault by a prisoner ( that would be the "after-party"), harassment by electronic communication ( the texts), interfering with an officer (not sure if she interfered with him coming into the house, putting out the fire, or she just decided to wrestle him), and intoxication (oh yeah, she blew a .346). And the cherry on the cake- the name of our "bacon arsonist?"
Cameo Adawn CRISPI.
Next up, you ever wonder why we used to make jokes about Schneider drivers?
Our brain surgeon here experienced engine problems and pulled over (on an incline). Whilst awaiting Trucker AAA, he decided to uncouple the trailer from his cab. And it tipped over. Fortunately most of his apparently unbalanced load of 55,000 lbs of granular lawn fertilizer stayed in the trailer. Unfortunately, he REALLY won't be able to sneak that particular trailer under the South Anthony viaduct anymore.
Do you really need more than this headline:
Naked N.J. man on tricycle arrested for alleged use of cocaine
If so, here goes....
Meet the now-clothed Jermaine Jones, who was apparently celebrating his recent release from prison by indulging in some truly boffo coke. After the local gendarmes were notified of his cruising the apartment complex on a trike in the buff, they arrived to find him “... chewing on glass and cigarette tobacco.” On the bright side, at least his tricycle wasn't hauling 55,000 lbs of fertilizer.
18 year old Stian Ytterdahl of Norway was apparently a bit too much of a ladies man for his buddies. The gave him an ultimatum- he could get a tattoo of Barbie on his rump, or the receipt from his recent trip to McDonalds on his arm.
Which did he choose?
Ytterdahl’s first ever tattoo now covers most of his lower right arm, showing a purchase that included a soda, cheeseburger and “non-stop Flurry.”
Unsurprisingly, his parents are unimpressed.
“I got an email from my dad that wasn’t entirely positive, saying ‘What on earth have you done?! Do you think you are coming home with that!? Your mother has had a break down’,” he said.
But that hasn’t effected the teen, who considers himself a “living billboard”.
Now, I have to question the taste in men of teenage girls in Norway. Of course, the other Norway story I saw was a man who asked a friend for help in "de-fusing" a decades-old can of herring that had bulged to a frightening degree- also known in Norway as "ready to eat". I think the next story should explore a possible link between cold maritime temperatures and early-onset dementia.
That is an early-onset sinkhole in the greenway trail- in another of those areas where Purdue logic dictated the removal of small trees and large brush that was holding up the canal bank. But whadda I know?
Speaking of McDonalds, if you wanna make a run to Switzerland you can get the new McD's Prime burger.
The $12 sandwich consists of a 6.3 oz Swiss beef patty, topped with "rustic mountain cheese", bacon (of course), coleslaw, special sauce and- are you ready?- arugula.
According to ads, the Prime packs "character, taste and size” and was developed with the help of Swiss TV cooking show host Rene Schudel.
(*Shame on you, Chris! That's Rebecca Hary, McDonalds' Director of Global External Communications. That's not a "spokesbabe", that means she is... is.. um... a spokesbabe.)