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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, May 5, 2014

Martin World News and stuff



You coulda just said no... didn't have to SLAM THE FRICKIN'DOOR on me like this, didja?
 
 
I have news bits AND walk pictures today, my friends.  But first, for our Mexican friends....




Somebody posted this on FB... and one commenter said, "???????????"  Seriously, dude?

Anyway, let's get on to the substantive crap:

ITEM:  This week, another Facebook friend has been posting a lot of those headlines that really should have been thought about before publishing, like, "Homeless man gets house arrest".  Well, I found one, courtesy of my friends at the BBC.  Now, I know this is a sad situation which shouldn't be made light of.  And yes, I realize that there is a "language barrier" between us and the UK.  But seriously, guys...


So, they managed to lose an entire search?  No wonder they couldn't find anyone!

All right, enough of the mirth.  When you consider that 600 local searchers were buried by a second landslide, it's not far off whichever way you read it.  Prayers going out for the survivors.


At the risk of being insensitive yet again, aren't you supposed to sleep UNDER the bridge?


Dad, she's cute... even if she's pooping...


ITEM:  Okay, so I know I have had the advantage of just going through an attempt to memorize the Periodic chart of the elements.  Still. an article titled Elementary, My Dear: 8 Elements You Never Heard Of on Live Science caught my eye.  And I can see most of them on Marc Lallanilla's list being somewhat anonymous- europium, scandium, tellurium, dysprosium.  And I get that I remember Antimony mainly because it somehow got the atomic symbol Sb, and Gallium from a comic book mentioning it.  And maybe you might have a wee problem connecting the element Beryllium to the gem Beryl. (You know, one of the October birthstones?).  But I went to Laurie, who is pretty much the perfect representative of what is and should be common knowledge, and she said without a doubt most people should know one name on the list.

Are you ready?



Argon?  Really?  The third most common gas in earth's atmosphere, used in light bulbs both incandescent and fluorescent, by welders, and dozens of other applications?  Well, you be the judge, I guess.



This is worthy of a MWN item itself.  Got up with a nice wet muddy butt.

Peek!


ITEM:  A friend sent me this one, which the headline is much funnier than the story.  From July of 2009....

Two Mexican Midget Wrestlers Killed by Fake Prostitutes


Of course, the clincher has to be the costumed name of one of the formerly mighty mites:

Autopsies are being performed on the two midget wrestlers, one of whom went by the name "La Parkita" — or "Little Death" — and wore a skeleton costume in the ring. The other was known as "Espectrito Jr."



Now probably going as "Little Dead."







ITEM:  Will there ever be an end to the stupidity in Brazil, as they build up towards their hosting of this year's World Cup and the 2016 Summer Games?  Guess not...

A Brazilian football fan has died after being hit by a toilet bowl thrown at the end of a Second Division match in the north-eastern city of Recife.

Paulo Ricardo Gomes da Silva was struck as clashes took place near one of the entrances to Arruda stadium.

Another three people were reportedly hurt as toilet bowls were ripped out of stadium facilities and hurled at rival fans below.

What exactly is it that makes a minority of soccer fans the biggest idiots in the world?   For example, there is another racial hoo-hah going on in Europe, as a black player was thrown a banana by opposing "fans".    Excuse me, but look at your team- where would your team be if you had no players of color?



Yeah.  Of course, the player had the right idea- he picked up the insulting fruit, peeled it, and ate it before the next play.  The only better thing he could have done was to send the "fan" up a condom large enough to wear over his head.


Have I mentioned we've got ducks everywhere?  Here's a pair at the Green Hole, where I don't believe we've EVER seen ducks...

...and another pair at the duck pond, where ironically, it's been a while since we've seen any.


ITEM:  Remember a few MWNs ago when I did the story about the Norwegian guy and his can of fermented fish being ready to explode?  Well, how about a whole FACTORY'S worth?  A gentleman named Hans-Erik Englund had a warehouse with 1,000 cans of Surstromming- rotten herring canned and left to ferment, a "delicacy" in Norway.  Stress:  had.


Yep, the building caught fire and all 1,000 cans blew sky high over the six-hour stink fest.


One of the cans flew over an outhouse roof, while another shot over the bay to a neighbour's house, Mr Englund said.


I'm wondering how long it will take the neighbor's property values to recover.  Next time you want to go to county council and bitch about your neighbor's new pig farm/ septic pit/ landfill going in, remember- it could be worse.






ITEM:  The latest thing in China?  Walking your cabbage.




The vegetables are being taken for walkies by teenagers in China as a way to get over depression and loneliness.
The youngsters are able to meet other people who also walk the green foods.
Chinese psychiatrist Wen Chao said: ‘The idea is simple – you feel as lonely and as simple as a cabbage, so you begin to act like one and befriend one.
‘And in that acceptance comes change.’

Need I add anything?

ITEM:  Define impaired?  Sure.  How about the guy driving high gets sideswiped by the drunk driver and calls the cops on him?

Malcolm Sidbury, 38, dialed 911 after Thomas Robbins, 57, glanced his car while attempting to pass him on the Taconic State Parkway in New York. Neither man stopped after the incident. When state police finally caught up with the pair, they ended up arresting both men after it became clear that they were both intoxicated.
Mr Sidbury was charged with driving while his ability was impaired by drugs while Robbins, whose blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit, was charged with driving while intoxicated, aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle and leaving the scene of a property damage accident.


Or how about this one? From the Island of St Vincent:

(Carlisle)Williams was arrested March 22 as he was going through Gate 5 at the Grenadines wharf, to board one of the boats that ply the St. Vincent-Grenadines route. A search of his person revealed the drug.
When cautioned, Williams told the police, "Officer, is my weed wey me does smoke to get appetite to eat and brisk up to do work.” 
 
 
(Translation:  He smokes the weed to get the munchies so he will eat and have enough energy to work.)
 
He gave a similar explanation when he appeared in Court on Monday.
When Chief Magistrate Sonya Young asked what type of work he did, Williams said he works when he gets employment.

He was fined $50 forthwith or two days in prison.
 
 
Look, Scrappy!  Daddy found a snail shell!

 
"Big deal."
ITEM:  And finally, from our friends in Australia:
 
 
 
One Sunshine Coast legal brothel, Scarlet Harem, is hoping to lure stressed workers away from computers and construction sites with its lunch offerings.
For a “limited time only” clients can get a deal which includes a hot pie and coke with their choice of a range of “services”.
The special launched this month has been advertised as “Pie, Coke ‘n’ Poke Lunchtime fun” and a “Lady for a Tradie Lunchtime Fun Meal Deal” promising “XXX Pleasures”.
The award-winning brothel has also extended its opening hours and is advertising “early bird” specials.
Madam of 13 years and businesswoman Paris Satine said visiting a bordello was a “different way to spend your lunchtime”.


I wonder if we can combine that concept with the Roach Coach delivery-at-work idea....

17 comments:

  1. That Cinco De Mayo photo is pretty darned clever! Wish I'd-a thought of it.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't think it was near as funny as the guy who didn't get it!

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    2. Yeah, that's nearly unbelievable that someone didn't "get it". ...Sounds a bit like my Brother's wife... who is thicker than a brick.

      Incidentally, I mailed 16 caps to you today. They tell me you should receive them on Friday. I strongly suspect that 2 or 3 of them you already have. But the rest will probably be new, and some of them are, I think, REALLY NEAT! In terms of the "cap artwork", this might be the best batch I ever sent ya.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    3. BROTHER MARTIN ~
      By the way, while I was putting together the information page giving details about which beer each cap came from, I had a virus detection scan running on my computer. That scan ran for nearly 3 hours, during which time I was unable to access the Internet.

      One cap came from a brewing company called 'Heavy Seas' but I wasn't sure which of their beer types it had sealed, so I listed it simply as "Heavy Seas ale".

      I have since gone to the Beer Advocate site to research it more fully and I am now almost totally certain that it came from a bottle of 'Heavy Seas - Powder Monkey Pale Ale' (that was the only bottle label design that looked familiar to me).

      My guess is that they use the exact same cap design on all of their various bottles of beer, but just in case you wanted a bit more specific detail, there it is.

      Also, incidentally, that was one of the very coolest caps I sent you. My favorite(s) came from a Mexican beer, but the Heavy Seas cap was probably my second favorite.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  2. I heard about the cabbage walking on the news yesterday. Bizarre. Perhaps they make coleslaw afterwards.

    We also have a ton of ducks around us. And geese. Mean, nasty geese.

    The death by toilet reminds me of one of my favorite shows: Dead Like Me. That's how the main character died. A falling toilet seat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would you eat that kind of coleslaw? Maybe kim-chee, the spices will eat the dirt away.

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  3. Walking the cabbage. I don't get how that would make a person feel LESS DEPRESSED or LESS LONELY. If I were walking cabbage, I think it would only drive the point home that I have hit bottom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But this is a people who were flocking by the thousands to see a 75-foot tall rubber ducky last summer.

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  4. I am a bit jealous of your heron photo. I've been stalking them for years, but I can never get close enough.

    Perhaps he was just warming the mattress before moving it under the bridge?

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    Replies
    1. The trick is catch them across the river and blow up the picture. I've never been any closer than that either.

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  5. Walking the cabbage! I have never heard of this. I learned something new for sure from you and the poor guy being killed by flying toilet. Thats a first.

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    Replies
    1. Elsie says it was done in a movie. But to do it over losing a steeenking game...?

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  6. That was a lot of stuff that reminds us about what a weird world we live in.
    Cabbages? They're not walking. They're just on a leash in drag. Does that make them transvestite cabbages? Or are these Chinese people just trying to get a head in life.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where was your drummer going, "Bas bumBUM!"?

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  7. Chris:
    I am SOOOO glad I did NOT have any liquids in my mouth while reading this "report".
    (outta the nose kinda mess avoided!)
    My GOD, how can people DO these things????

    --ARGON???
    I worked with argon (welding)
    I can't recall all those elements in the radioactive end of the chart (long after Uranium)...all I know is that they seem to END in "IUM".
    --A tossed TOILET BOWL? (damn good arm, Id say, sign him up for the Tin Caps..lol) Only in Brazil.
    --Fermented fish=BOOM! (nuff said there)
    --Walking your cabbage...Seems we're not the ONLY country that has the market cornered on that SPECIAL Kind of Stupid.
    --The weed/munchies/work story...(see above)

    BTW, excellent pictures...that Cinco De Mayo one was BRILLIANT!

    Stay safe (and relatively sane) up there.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, he can throw the bowl... but can he get it to "break"? lol

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