I'm not actually going to teach you the fine art of being annoying (though I pro'lly could); You have Pee-Wee Herman and Gilbert Gottfried to do that. What I am going to do is share three prime examples of the annoyer's art for you. I am doing this because, IMHO, if you get amusement from their attempts to be annoying, you have put hot coals upon their empty little heads.
CASE ONE: WHERE THE BODY LIES, THE EAGLES GATHER
This has to do with the blog a former blogging friend (and current FB friend) used to write. Her last post was on the 6th of February 2013; she has a grand total of 8 posts in the last two years; and the post in question dates from September of 2011. For whatever reason, Saturday the spam commenters declared a pig-pile on that post. It started with four spam comments on Saturday; rose to 7 Sunday; topped out at 16 Monday; and as we speak, the total for Tuesday is 17, with 11 from about 20 past 4 till now (a quarter till 8 PM Tuesday night). A grand total of 44 "comments", with links to such wonderful web pages as:
Assorted diet plans and pills: 18, from "food diet" to "Diet Food Delivery".
Review sites: 5, mainly skin care, with one for "Free Income App Reviews".
Working online/at home: 7, as detailed as "Get auto commissions from home", and as simple as, "Work from home legit" (which means, of course, it isn't).
Cash/free money: 2.
And one each from the subjects online dating (surprised this wasn't a stronger contender), web hosting, tarot readings (this was in French!), suppliments not covered in "diet pills", and last but not least, "Anti-aging eye creams".
Dudes! No one has read this blog for over a year, or that post for almost three! How much bang do you think you're getting for your buck?
CASE TWO: WAIT A MINUTE? WHAT PACKAGE?
I got this e-mail today:
Fourth thought: I'm not EXPECTING a package!
Then I looked at the e-mail address: music-matter- Sri-Lanka. Well, that took a bit more thinking than usual.
True story: poking around the deleted file, I found I had gotten another one of these- with a German e-mail address- right when I was going through my meltdown a few weeks back. And deleted it without even looking. Go figure.
UPDATE TO FIRST STORY: 7:52 PM. "Luke Bryan Today Show Concert". At least we're starting another topic.
CASE THREE: BE VEWWY VEWWY QUIET...I'M HUNTING TWOLLS...
If you read yesterday's Martin World News (and if not, GET ON IT!), I mentioned the commenter on WANE.com calling himself David. Instant synopsis: I posted on a story, he replied with a very stupid question, I went back to give him an equally stupid answer (something about needing crayons to explain, I believe). Along the way, I saw that he had commented nonsense throughout the comment section, starting with "there's a church full of homophobic pedophiles on every corner", and swiftly drifting into "Marxism will take over the nation". So I edited the original comment a bit, mentioning the utter stupidity of his previous comments.
He then went on to accuse me of using "ad hominem attacks" instead of discussing his many pointless points. That I was attacking his character. Now, in my experience, "ad hominem" is the word used by LBGT/atheist trolls ( pay attention: I clearly said trolls, not intelligent members of those groups) when you point out to them that their logic is stupid. Admittedly, I saw enough in his previous comments that I felt safe in skipping the intermediate steps and got on with calling the kettle black. My logic was proved when he went on after crying foul to call me a Tea Party Traitor and (not surprisingly, he has a fetish here) a homophobic pedophile. He also informed me and several others of the 50 million Marxists that were going to overthrow the nation, and that capitalism is narcissistic.
Reflection: the article we were posting on was about Ft Wayne being one of the 10 most boring cities in the US of A. So you can see what manner of intellect we are dealing with here. But you know me, I just HAD to pull the chain one more time:
You crack me up. Run around crying about "ad hominem attacks" and then insult anything you think your opponent might stand for. I think you are about 13 years old, spouting stuff you couldn't explain with a textbook in front of you, and sit there giggling at the responses you get in between popping zits. Shame is, you have enough brains to make something of yourself if you weren't so busy acting like a spoiled little brat.
At this point he did as he had been doing- starting off with a semi-coherent response (Along the lines of, "What I have accomplished you will never achieve"), and then followed up in rapid succession with (and I quote):
You are like jesus
you are just like jesus
you remind me of jesus
You must be a homosexual pedophile like your hero jesus
(Keep in mind, I never said anything about Jesus. I could have been a practicing Druid for all he knew.)
So, I decided to respond to the semi-coherent post with:
Yes, you have achieved being a bigger ass than I could ever hope to be.
Which brings us to...
CASE FOUR: WANE.COM: THE ANTI-FRIENDS OF BOBBY G SOCIETY
Recall I mentioned that the site had blocked my good friend Robert for no clear reason. So I was less that shocked when they froze my above comment to review it. Then they deleted it without comment. So I posted it again, replacing "ass" with "patoot." (Which they accepted.) Then I posted a second reply, asking how it was that I got censored for saying ass, while David had been making terrorist threats all along without anyone caring. I knew they'd see it- I used the word "ass". Sure enough, shortly thereafter, that post was gone... but suddenly, all the posts from "David" now said "Guest". Had he been tossed? IDK. But I haven't heard back from him (or WANE) yet.
UPDATE FROM CASE ONE # II
8:19. "Work From Home Legit Jobs". 45 and counting.