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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

martin world news

Modifications to original design by Bobby G.


ITEM:  Have to start here, with a story my liberal friend (who hasn't responded to me since I tore apart his LAST meme) titled "Lucky Americans Have an Excellent President in Barack Obama."  The whole of the post itself was this:



To which I replied:

Unfortunately, unlucky Americans are also stuck with him. How're you feeling about him turning 5 hardened terrorists loose to get back a traitor and the son of a man that wants to turn ALL the terrorists loose?

Sane and compassionate:  took money from landlords who booted poor people out of tenements in mid-winter as a young lawyer.

He will change American history for the better:  Doing it already.  Can't wait till he starts paying the barbarian tribes to guard the borders in exchange for Roman American citizenship.  Oh, wait...

Only Obama's dim-witted or hate-filled opponents are unlucky:  This is what Obama's lucky sycophants think of "honest debate" and "diversity of opinions".  You agree, or you're stupid.

They are getting a political genius:  Can't argue there.  How else can you get otherwise intelligent people to both swallow and regurgitate such utter bullshit, excuse the graphic description?

Frank Schaeffer:  Here's his wiki story.  I don't believe I shall be reading his works in depth; however, I see here enough to categorize him as Peter did:

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. (2 Peter 2:1)

I know I've said I'm through talking politics.  But think of this not as a political discussion, but classic MWN: an exposing of the stupidity of the world.  Moving on...

ITEM:  What happens when you are on safari, looking at gigantic African elephants, and you drop your cell phone?  Well take it from 23-y-o Scott Brierly:  the elephant comes over, picks up the phone...



...and takes a selfie!  The keepers recovered the phone later, and found this on examining it to see if his pictures were still okay.


ITEM:  Speaks for itself:


It’s no longer a crime in Minnesota to carry fruit in an illegally sized container. The state’s telegraph regulations are gone. And it’s now legal to drive a car in neutral — if you can figure out how to do it.
Those were among the 1,175 obsolete, unnecessary and incomprehensible laws that Gov. Mark Dayton and the Legislature repealed this year as part of the governor’s “unsession” initiative. His goal was to make state government work better, faster and smarter….
In addition to getting rid of outdated laws, the project made taxes simpler, cut bureaucratic red tape, speeded up business permits and required state agencies to communicate in plain language.

But can you now go through town with an ice cream cone in your back pocket?  That's what I'd like to know.


ITEM:  Winner, world's most stupid excuse for obesity, courtesy the BBC:

Sleeping in a room with too much light has been linked to an increased risk of piling on the pounds, a study shows.

A team at the Institute of Cancer Research in London found women had larger waistlines if their bedroom was "light enough to see across" at night.

However, they caution there is not enough evidence to advise people to buy thicker curtains or turn off lights.

The study of 113,000 women was published in the American Journal of Epidemiology.

And sponsored by Drapes-R-Us.


ITEM:  The highly-modern state of India has run into a highly primitive problem- the menfolk like to urinate on walls in public places.  And being the highly modern state they are, they thought the answer to that would be to plaster the walls with photos of their many gods, reasoning that no one would risk reincarnation as a latrine by peeing on their god.  This however, did not work out, and one Delhi resident sued to remove the pictures before the gods were further dishonored.  The judge threw out the case, but admitted that not much has or can work to stop the habit:

While disposing of a plea seeking a restraint on putting up images of deities on walls and buildings to prevent men from urinating in public, the HC threw up its hands at the problem stating that it could not insist that every man who walks out of his house is forced to put a "lock on his zip."


Gang rapes, peeing on walls- that Indian vacation is looking better and better, ain't it?  But it shouldn't be taken as an insult to the gods, because other methods haven't stopped the "flood", either:

"...The petitioner has filed photographs showing that residents of buildings and especially Group Housing Complex. The photos reveal that to shame the offender the owners of the complex have written graffiti ridiculing such men by stating that 'Look here a dog and a donkey is peeing.' In spite thereof, a man is seen peeing on the wall," HC said.

Perhaps these people would like to add a Mayan god to their pantheon: The rain god Chac was also known as Ah Hoya, which means "He who urinates".



Yeah, I'm betting they didn't sing songs like Laughter In The Rain, either.


ITEM:  This week, we look at the latest English terms to enter the French lexicon.  According to the list leaked (no relation to the last story) by the two top dictionaries in France, the following English terms are now acceptable:

methamphetamine (oh, lovely.  Now they can report on DeKalb county Indiana in Le Monde.)
hipster
selfie (which means they can get the elephant story!)
pilates
zumba
megavirus
gif
jpeg
hashtag
troll

and two with you especially in mind, Bobby:  Super-hero and comics.

ITEM: If you are tired of your local government (as we are in Ft Wayne) putting something on the budget because of "tax projections" that are wildly inaccurate, disrupted by some excuse real or imagined, or just plain made-up, you are not alone.


The French government faces a 14bn-euro black hole in its public finances after overestimating tax income for the last financial year.

French President Francois Hollande has raised income tax, VAT and corporation tax since he was elected two years ago.

The Court of Auditors said receipts from all three taxes amounted to an extra 16bn euros in 2013.

That was a little more than half the government's forecast of 30bn euros of extra tax income.

The Court of Auditors, which oversees the government's accounts, said the Elysee Palace's forecasts of tax revenue in 2013 were so wildly inaccurate that they cast doubt on its forecasts for this year.

It added the forecasts were overly optimistic and based on inaccurate projections.


Ya think?

ITEM:  More foreign language fun?  How about phrases to use when you're upset in Spain?

You wanna tell someone to "F- off?"  Tell 'em 'Vete a freir espárragos' , or "Go fry some asparagus".
Bugged by an inconsiderate waiter? Tell the Maitre d'  'tiene un morro que se lo pisa' ('he's got such a big snout he he trips over it').
Want someone to "Give me a brake"?  Tell them 'Manda huevos!' which roughly means "Send eggs!"
Based on the word for swatting flies, 'me estás mosqueando' means you’re making me mad, and 'no te mosquees' means 'don't get angry'. Or, to put it in English, "'Quit swatting me!"
It matters three cucumbers to me: Or I couldn't give a cumin! 'Me importa tres pepinos' or 'me importa un comino' are the lighter versions of 'I couldn’t give a damn' in Spanish.


ITEM:  Finally, the shithead has been discovered.  Researchers in Mammoth Cave in southern Indiana have found the PC fish:  It has its anus actually in its head.



The Hoosier Cavefish is the first new species discovered in 40 years.  Why it developed a colon it can blow with a sneeze is unknown, but it is certain that it will get the nickname of the Politician fish.

12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Our pictures this weekend turned out crappy, other than a fat green frog at the swamp.

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  2. Wow, there are too many directions one can go in referencing a fish whose anus is in his head. I'd hate to converse with it when it's eaten high fiber seaweed.

    I didn't think to hire an elephant for photography purposes until now. He takes good pictures.

    I won't get into politics, though I think we're all incredibly lucky and incredibly unlucky for many things - most of which we don't typically consider. Though I'm liberal, I'm not over the top impressed by Obama's Presidency. It's shortsighted to claim how lucky we are. Really? He's no Abe Lincoln or JFK.

    I hope you're well, CW. I've missed ya.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pretty well, ma'am. I've been trying to stay out of politics lately, but this blog friend is way too intelligent to be lifting up such an obvious buttsucker as the guy in the meme and using it to pimp Obama. But for whatever the reason, all he hears is the lunatic fringe on each side anymore. I keep hoping I'll shock him out of it and get him back to the reasonably well thought out person I first met in blogland.

      And yes, there were tons of ways to go with the fish bit. When I was a child (early 70's) our class went to Shedd Aquarium. We saw this huge fish that was called a Slippery Dick. One of the fine Catholic ladies chaperoning us looked at the nameplate, and said, "Oh, look- a Nixonfish!"

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  3. In addition to getting rid of outdated laws, the project made taxes simpler, cut bureaucratic red tape, speeded up business permits and required state agencies to communicate in plain language.

    -And to think... he's a democrat.

    Clearly the Hoosier Cavefish isn't an independent. :)

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    Replies
    1. I have no problem with good democrats doing their best to do the right thing. I used to think my friend that posted the meme was one of those. Now he thinks Obama walks on water and every tea partier has an incinerator out back for the occasional African-American or Jew.

      And the Cavefish? He's a pan-party candidate!

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  4. I lived for 10 years without TV. This past year in the condo, I had cable that came with the place (very basic cable), but I found that in those ten years I hadn't missed a thing. Now I troll the news sites on the Internet to get my info. I think from now on I should stop here first. I literally laughed out loud at 'Drapes-R-Us' and today I really needed that. Thanks!

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    Replies
    1. I always hope to give someone their needed laugh. I had a boss a looooong time ago that said everyone at that job worked there on the "good laugh theory"- that everyone would quit except that at one point or another, the job would give them their one good laugh of the day.

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  5. I am disgusted that we traded a traitor for 5 terrorrists! It was a stupid thing to do and we will see consequences for having done that. Nixonfish- she was quick!

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    Replies
    1. I understand that it was much like trading a player who's gonna be a free agent next year- they were going to have to be let go once hostilities with the Taliban end on our withdrawl from Afghanistan. Hopefully we inflected them with Black Plague before we sent them on.

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  6. Chris:
    Brother when you NAIL it, you do it with GUSTO.
    Love the obamaslams...excellently performed!
    --And that elephant "selfie"...LMAO!
    --L:eave it to MN to set the pace for dumping useless laws...wish we could get FTW to try this one...and enforce the ones they already HAVE.
    --What another STUPID survey on obesity.
    (who pays these people and can we get jobs like that?)
    --Good Lord...FRANCE is JUST now getting around to adding those two words???
    (Must be all that cheese and "whine")
    --Inaccurate projections (by a government)...LOL...must be a sexual innuendo there SOMEplace.
    --That can't be a cave-fish...definitely;y sounds MORE like a POLITICIAN...!
    (either party at this rate)

    Another great report from the "outer limits".
    Stay safe up there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "--Inaccurate projections (by a government)...LOL...must be a sexual innuendo there SOMEplace."

      Perhaps that accounted for the declining French birth rate...

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