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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Martin World News

Well, as the pictures of Dopey, Poophead, and Grumpy indicate, it's time for another tour of the news that falls into the "wannabe" category.  As we go, I'm determining this week's top ten for Time Machine (AKA I have my spotify list on shuffle), so I might mention that Bobby G., who earlier crafted the lovely artwork above, has of his own free will designed a new logo For Time Machine, volume four- which will debut on Friday morning!

ITEM:  For those who might care, the KCAs missed the playoffs- they got their big win, but the Greenwoods 60-19 win over the Angels two weekends ago put the 'Woods as division champs, Angels as runners-up, and the KCAs out in the cold.  But not as cold as KC, as all four of his teams were bounced from the tournament.  Of the six teams that did get in, three were Laurie's (the Greenwoods, who repeat as Purple Division champs; her flagship team, the Elks; and the Angels) and the other three mine (The Gold champs for a second year, the State Ducks; the B2s; and the Aguascalientes).  This weekend past, the playoffs opened with the Angels blowing out the Aguas (as per their usual) 56-9, while the Elks edged the B2s 36-35.  Thus, The Ducks are all that stand between us and a second straight year of a all-Laurie Super Bowl.

ITEM:  The Anholt-GFK Nations Brand Index came out with its yearly list of the most popular nations of the world.  This was a pretty static list, with only two moves of any note.  One was the "precipitous drop" of Russia from 22 to 25- they were passed by Argentina, China, and Singapore.  The other was the change at the top, as people scored Germany better than the US of A (due allegedly to Germany's World Cup win, and our involvement in all the messes the other 49 countries on the list make).  Here's yer top ten:

1- Germany
2- United States
3- United Kingdom
4- France
5- Canada
6- Japan
7- Italy
8- Switzerland
9- Australia
10- Sweden

Okay, so I have to be nice to 3, 5, and 9 (bloggy friends there, dontcha know), but...

ITALY?  Really?  Okay, they gave us the Coliseum and Pizza, but they also gave us the Mafia, Mussolini, and Berlusconi!  (JK, one of those bloggy friends would point out there are a ton of beautiful sites to see.  But Berlusconi?)

Sweden?  Oh, let's see, they gave a Nobel Prize to Obama, called for a Palestinian State, and love to eat rotten fish.

Wow, Germany won the World Cup.  Bet they got a lotta votes from Brazil.

ITEM:  Speaking of Brazil, Germany, the World Cup, and Mick Jagger (wait, what?)

Brazilian media are blaming MICK JAGGER for the humiliating biggest World Cup defeat in their history.  The singer was spotted in the crowd at the Mineirao stadium in Belo Horizonte supporting the hosts with his Brazilian son Lucas.  Mick was sharing a VIP box with Kia Joorabchian, the Iranian agent of a number of Brazil squad players, including goalkeeper Julio Cezar, David Luiz, Ramires and Oscar.

 Brazilian fans have nicknamed the Rolling Stones frontman 'pe frio' - a term for a person who brings bad luck - because every time he has announced his support for a team, that teams goes on to lose. Jagger told fans during a show in Rome that Italy would beat Uruguay and advance to the knockout phases - but the Italians lost and were eliminated. He then told fans in Lisbon that Portugal would win the World Cup - they too were eliminated. And after rooting for England against Uruguay Rooney and co were humiliated by two Suarez goals.

 It is not the first time Brazilians have believed Jagger's support has been a curse for the national side. During the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, Brazilians decided that their team lost to the Netherlands in the quarter finals because Jagger wore a Brazil shirt to the game. He reportedly also joined Bill Clinton to cheer on the United States, who lost to Ghana in the second round.

Report via the Daily Mirror
So I guess Germany's off the hook for now, huh?

ITEM:  I know most of you have probably heard this one by now, but I just gotta throw in this bit-  I don't care HOW long I have to wait for takeoff, I am NOT going out in -61F temps to push the damn plane!

Eager to help, several dozen men were seen in an amateur video pushing the plane by leaning on both wings.

Russian authorities, however, weren't amused by the incident, and prosecutors launched an investigation into a possible breach of safety regulations.

"It would be funny if it didn't pose a horrendous threat. People could have damaged the aircraft skin and the flaps," Oksana Gorbunova, senior adviser to the West Siberian transportation prosecutor, told the Tass news agency.

Gorbunova said the passengers were asked to leave the plane when it got stuck. When a tractor began towing the airliner, some of the passengers left a bus and tried to help move it.

"The plane was towed, of course, because it would be physically impossible for people (to move it)," Gorbunova said.

Okay, so at least they were heading south.  But when you consider they were going from a place where the days mean temp (and I mean MEAN) was -50 to a place where the mean temp was a balmy -8... I'm staying on the bus hugging on to Olga...

Yep, even that Olga.
ITEM:  Now, you have danger...

Sinkholes have joined the ranks of sharks, jellyfish, the hole in the ozone layer and baby-eating dingoes on the list of things in Australia that can seriously mess you up.

On Tuesday, a 45-year-old woman was helping an elderly Melbourne resident to hang up laundry when the grass opened up beneath her and caused her to plunge nine feet beneath the ground, according to the Country Fire Authority.

Apparently, it was full of water and the woman had to swim to stay afloat for twenty minutes until other neighbors heard her bubbly cries and called the first responders.

ITEM:  And then there's DANGER...

Police in West Milford (NJ) have released photos taken by 22-year-old Darsh Patel (with his cell) before he was killed by the 300-pound black bear while hiking with four friends in the Apshawa Preserve, 70 kilometres northwest of New York.

Patel might well have wanted to download a "run like hell" app before consulting his camera.  On second thought, maybe not- you are warned not to run from a bear as it can run 35 MPH, and climb 100ft of tree in 30m seconds.

If you encounter a bear at close range, remain standing upright, back up slowly and speak to the bear in a calm, assertive voice. (Florida Fish And Wildlife)

I did not see any mention of soiling underwear on the Bear FAQs page.  That would be helpful in my case.

Calm, assertive voice... so you're telling me I'm basically screwed...

ITEM:  Now here's one where we can play "who's dumber".  Note the main character, the Venezuelan Doctor, and then the airline agent:

A Venezuelan neurosurgeon is going to be digging deep into his pockets after making an ill-advised joke at Miami International Airport.

Dr. Manuel Alvarado has agreed to pay $89,172.53 after making a bomb joke that sparked a massive police response and shut down part of the airport nearly two months ago, the Miami Herald reported.

On Oct. 22, the 60-year-old surgeon was flying to Bogota, Colombia when an Avianca ticket agent asked if he had any explosives in his luggage.

Alvarado replied: “C-4.” The airline agent asked if that was a gun, but the doctor explained it was an explosive. The agent contacted Miami-Dade Police, who deployed the bomb squad to search the doctor’s luggage.

No explosives were found.

Excuses, Doctor:  "I was making a joke", "He was sleep deprived" (his attorney).

Excuses, agent:

ITEM:  A recent scam e-mail had a new and refreshing twist.  This time, in their effort to send me my "4,700,000.00 Million Dollars", they were being thwarted by FedEx not accepting CODs or somesuch, so they:

... had to sign a contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual $125.99 Dollars to $96.99 Dollars nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort! You are advised to contact the dispatching officer responsible for the shipping of your Check or ATM Card with the following information for shipping of your payment through Check or ATM Card. 

How about that?  They offer to discount their thievery!

ITEM:  Finally, Baby Center recently released their poll of 2014's top baby names- as well as a list of names that were given by at least 3 separate parents, that were a tad unusual.  Here's some highlights of that list:





and Zeppelin





and Hennessy

Guess what, KC?  You got lucky...


  1. Chris:

    France got FOURTH?
    What are those voters smoking and WHY are they living in COLORADO?

    Flaps are on the TRAILING EDGE of the wing...the guys were pushing on the LEADING problem there.

    Those aren't sinkholes...they're SKYLIGHTS for the Silurians (it's a Doctor Who thing)

    I know that hiking/bear thing was tragic, but it DOES teach a very important lesson:
    Always hike with a SLOWPOKE in your group."

    Sure miss the days when parents gave children ROPER names (like
    However, in the ghetto, the "boyz" get their monikers from Greek antiquity (like Adonis or Demetrius) while the "gurls" get the tried and true "EISHA" suffix to any name preceding it (except for those named after Porsche).

    Another stellar report.

    Stay safe (and sane) up there, brother.

    1. "...and why are they living in Colorado?"

      Y'know, this is the kind of smartass remarks we come up with after reading A Beer For The Shower...

      Today, we were helped at Wally World by a lady named (I kid thee not) Iceis.

      Get it? Isis on the rocks?