170 Let my supplication come before thee: deliver me according to thy word.
171 My lips shall utter praise, when thou hast taught me thy statutes.
172 My tongue shall speak of thy word: for all thy commandments are righteousness.
173 Let thine hand help me; for I have chosen thy precepts.
174 I have longed for thy salvation, O Lord; and thy law is my delight.
175 Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee; and let thy judgments help me.
176 I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek thy servant; for I do not forget thy commandments.
The last stanza of Psalm 119 were an answer to a prayer tonight. A prayer that wondered how it is my Savior could have chosen me, knowing what a worm I'd be AFTER I was saved. Knowing it, and stamping paid in full on me anyway. Again, feeling like trash, again wondering why He would have given me the chances He has. On my wall is my life verse, 1 Samuel 7:12:
12 Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer,[b] saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’
But instead of seeing all the stones of my life, I looked at all the failings, all the times I yelled at God for some imagined unfairness when I deserve far worse than the worst day I've ever known. And in response, I was led to Psalm 119, specifically verse 176.
Look at what it says. A sheep doesn't get lost like any other animal. The cat eventually comes straggling in; the dog tracks his master 1,000 miles after getting stuck on the back of the wrong truck. A sheep, when it gets lost, he's LOST. He failed to listen to the shepherd, followed his munching mouth, the greed of his flesh, and if he was twice as smart as he is, he'd be too dumb by half to find his way back.
He HAS to be found.
I used to think that this verse was contradictory. He sins, even though he remembers His commandments; and on the basis of that memory, he requests salvation. But he's a sheep- I'm a sheep. And sheep do what sheep do- they get lost. I get lost. And so I go into this long winded LordyouhavetohelpmeIknowImessedupandI'lldobetternexttimeandpleaseforgivemeforbeing suchastupididiotand... (wow, I didn't get the squiggly line of correction for THAT?)... and all God wants to hear from me is two words.
And He always does. And Samuel parks another stone behind me.
Thank you, o Lord, for being beyond my understanding.