Follow by Email

What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Martin World News

ITEM:  Let's start out with example number 3,567, 209 of "Why we could do without the UN, in New York or anywhere else.  Recently former Sec-Gen Kofi Annan told London's The Guardian that we could do a lot to prevent global warming by giving up burgers- and switching to bugs:

“Keeping meat consumption to levels recommended by health authorities would lower emissions and reduce heart disease, cancer, and other diseases,” Annan told The Guardian Sunday.

“And of course there are alternative sources of protein. For example, raising insects as an animal protein source,” Annan said. “Insects have a very good conversion rate from feed to meat. They make up part of the diet of two billion people and are commonly eaten in many parts of the world.”

“Eating insects is good for the environment and balanced diets,” Annan said.




I am NOT eating that.  Except in a cheesy gordita with extra crunch...

ITEM:  I know I have some old stories because I was too tired last week- and they are starting to show up on News Of The Weird, which I am usually about two weeks ahead of.  To wit:

The union looking to organize workers at Boeing's South Carolina plant has put its plans in a holding pattern, claiming workers are so opposed to signing up that they chased labor leaders off their porches at gunpoint.



The union filed an unfair labor practice with the National Labor Relations Board in which it alleged that "two organizers were threatened at gunpoint and others reported hostile and near-violent confrontations," according to a union press release.

Aw, the poor union organizers.    I wonder where the people not wanting a union learned THAT trick?


ITEM: From the "I think you need to get over Earl" file:


What better way to remember a loved one who has passed away than by putting their ashes inside a dildo?

That’s the concept behind a memory box called 21 Grams created by designer Mark Sturkenboom.

The ashes are placed in a small gold urn - which holds 21 grams - which is in turn placed inside a glass dildo.

What, no demo?
The memory box also contains speakers to play the favourite music of the deceased - with room for an iPhone in the back - and a scent atomiser to spray their favourite scent.


I don't even know where to start with this one.... except the name "21 grams" is supposed to represent the weight of the human soul.  WTH?  Well, in 1907 a Dr Duncan McDougall ran a serious of flawed, screwed-up, and ultimately discredited experiments involving trying to get the exact weight change at the time of death of six dying patients and 15 dogs.  The dogs showed no change (no soul), but the humans (at least out of the 2 he could actually count for technical reasons) averaged a 3/4 ounce- 21.3 grams- loss at the moment of death.


ITEM:  This one from the Daily Mirror (confirmed on other sources), is just too bizarre to not stand by itself.  I was blown away.

Sesame Street’s Big Bird was invited on the tragic Challenger space mission, but the man who plays him avoided death – because his costume was too big to fit in the shuttle.

Actor Caroll Spinney, 81, said he was offered a spot in an attempt by Nasa to get children interested in space travel.

But at 8ft 2ins, controllers feared there would not be room for his massive yellow bird suit.

Instead, his place was taken by teacher Christa McAuliffe who died with six other astronauts when the US Challenger shuttle disintegrated 73 seconds after take-off in January 1986.


Can you imagine the trauma American children would have went through if they HAD got him on?





ITEM:  Next, two pig stories, sans bacon:


First, a pig is running for mayor of Flint Michigan.  No, really.


FLINT, Mich., May 7 (UPI) -- A Michigan pig named Giggles is "putting the pork back in government" by running for mayor of Flint.
Michael Ewing, a defense attorney and owner of 1-year-old pet pig Giggles, launched the porker's campaign for Flint mayor with a Facebook group listing Giggles' qualifications.

Several local politicians took Ewing to task for running the pig and making a farce of the race, but he had an excellent response to that on the Giggles The Pig For Mayor page on Facebook:

I have been asked a lot of questions about Giggles running for Mayor, so I'll explain it one time--and then we can get back to the fun. It started because one of the city council members, who was convicted of murder, announced he was running for mayor. I am pretty forgiving, but it I am really strongly opposed to murder—and think electing a mayor who was convicted of murder sends a bad message about our city. Not to mention the embarrassing letters he has written about Flint. We also have a mayoral candidate who was recently convicted for driving his car while drunk on the highway with three flat tires—while driving the wrong direction on the highway. This same mayoral candidate has been thrown out of council meeting because he cannot behave himself. Flint deserves better candidates than this. While reading about these people it occurred to me that Giggles would be a more dignified candidate—and I’m right.

The final straw came a couple of days ago when the news broke that there would be no mayoral candidates on the ballot this year because of a couple screw-ups. We couldn’t even get a simple election right. And not even an election really—just the nominations. And yet we assure the State of Michigan that we are ready to govern our own finances—a task assuredly more complicated than filing petitions to run for office. 

I am not one of those people who like to say negative things about Flint. I think Flint has a lot of potential. However, the combination of the aforementioned buffoons running for office along with the failure to have any mayoral candidate placed on our ballot was too much. All I could think at the time was that the situation is just another city hall circus. And what’s a circus without animals? 

So, yes, I am running Giggles the Pig for Mayor of Flint. I hope that you will vote for her as a mayoral candidate who has never murdered a human. She has never placed citizens in harm by driving drunk on the highway, and has never interrupted public business and public meetings. She is a sweet and intelligent animal—which is more than can be said for some candidates. 

Although I would like to take credit for being the first to run an animal in an election—it has been done before. There are towns across the country that have had cats, dogs, and even a beer drinking donkey who served as mayor. And years ago, there were several ficus plants that ran against members of Congress. 

Let’s see how many people we can get to ‘like’ Giggles Facebook page to send the message that we expect better from out candidates—and don’t forget to vote—Giggles the Pig for Mayor.




If it doesn't work out in Flint, Giggles, move to Ft Wayne and run here.  PLEASE.


Second pig story comes from Riga, Latvia, where the city is being overrun by wild boars...


RIGA, Latvia, May 5 (UPI) -- A police dashboard camera in the Latvian capital recorded the pursuit of a pair of unwelcome loiterers -- wild boars wandering through the center of the city.
The dashcam footage, shared on YouTube by Mayor Nils Usakovs, shows police and veterinarians chasing two wild boars through central Riga Saturday.




"When you've got a town created in the middle of the woods, you shouldn't wonder that forest animals will be living there too," local councilor Askolds Klavins told Latvian Radio.


Llamas, hippos, now wild boars... and a story I turned down had a sun bear almost escaping from a Japanese zoo.   I think their all just practicing for the animalpocalypse.

You only THINK we're pets, fools... BWA-HA-HA!!!!


ITEM:  From the "Mom, you're not helping" file:


OMAHA, May 6 (UPI) -- A Nebraska woman filed a seven-page handwritten court brief detailing her lawsuit against all homosexuals on behalf of "God" and "his son, Jesus Christ."
Sylvia Driskell, 66, of Auburn, filed a federal lawsuit Friday in Omaha asking for a federal judge to rule on whether or not homosexuality is a sin.

Driskell's seven-page court brief, which is entirely handwritten, describes the woman as an "ambassador for plaintiffs God, and his son, Jesus Christ."

The defendants listed in the lawsuit are "homosexuals," noting the group uses the "alis [alias], gay."

The brief cites several Bible verses and argues "that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet."

Driskell cited the Biblical destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah as evidence of God's distaste for "immoral behavior."


Now beyond the fact that Christians are enjoined not to sue in secular courts in the Bible, and the whole idea is just flat stupid, the judge can throw it out quite easily if he knows HIS Bible.

Ezekiel 16:49-50:"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen."  Gee, there goes your chief witness, ma'am.  Another thing you might consider:

Matt 10:23 And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades.[e] For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. 24 But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.”



ITEM:  If you don't think that, y'know, Baltimore might have a SLIGHT problem with corruption, let's go down to the water treatment plant, where we find...


BALTIMORE, May 4 (UPI) -- Baltimore city officials revealed a Department of Public Works employee was fired after spending 39 hours of an 82-hour work period watching porn.
Inspector General Rob Pearre Jr. released a report last week revealing the employee, a maintenance supervisor at the facilities division of the Back River Wastewater Treatment Plant, was suspended in September 2014 and fired Jan. 20 at the conclusion of an investigation.

The report said officials received an anonymous complaint about the worker in August of last year and monitoring software installed on the man's work computer found he spent 39 of the 82 hours he spent working in a two-week period watching a pornographic DVD on the computer.


C'mon on dude!  Even that's gotta get old after a while...

The report said the DVD was being played in full-screen mode, leading investigators to determine that "little to no work was being performed during the time that pornographic material was visible on the screen."  Gee, ya think?


ITEM:  In a similar vein... so to speak...  You really need to be careful of how you fill out those ballots.  For example, the recent UK race gave Troy MP Glyn Davies a positive vote from a negative voter...


...However, the former assembly member - who has successfully battled colon cancer - said one of the more memorable events of the night was down to one person's bizarre attempt to spoil their ballot papers.

Mr Davies wrote on his Facebook page: "One voter decided to draw a detailed representation of a penis instead of a cross in my box on one ballot paper.

"Amazingly, because it was neatly drawn within the confines of the box the returning officer deemed it a valid vote.

"I'm not sure the artist meant it to count, but I am grateful. If I knew who it was, I would like to thank him ( or her) personally."



Skipping the easy "bigger is better" lines, let me say that this should be a lesson to all you idiots that wrote in "Obama's an a-hole"- they probably gave him you're vote.


ITEM:  Finally, from one of those cities that "won't do business with Indiana any more", another reason to thank God for His blessings in the matter:


SEATTLE, May 4 (UPI) -- Seattle police said emergency responders rescued a shirtless man found holding a hammer and hanging from a basketball hoop by his foot.
The man, whose name was not released, was found about 6:30 p.m. Friday hanging from the hoop in Cal Anderson Park by his foot, which was stuck in the netting.

Police said the man, who was shirtless and holding a hammer, was thrashing around in an attempt to free himself before firefighters were able to remove the netting and free the man's foot.







It was unclear how the man ended up in his predicament.





10 comments:

  1. Wow. Lots of stuff here. The idea of Big Bird blowing up on the space shuttle really freaked me out. I can't imagine what that would've done to millions of kids. Well, I can. Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. These are (unbelievably) great - you gotta love people and their ability to come up with some insane antics. If only to blog about...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, I make a living (not) off'n them.

      Delete
  3. Chris:
    --I heard that another loon said we cause global warming by sending moms FLOWERS...I kid you NOT!
    When will this lunacy end (probably when all the warmingists are SHOT).
    --Ship all those bug-eaters to some REMOTE place in a slow boat with a FAST leak.
    --Big Bird in space - not ready for prime time.
    --Love that Flint mayor...makes SO much sense.
    Yeah, even Giggles would be an improvement in Ft Wayne.
    --AnImalpocalupse...looks like PotA (you know what that means) where we live! I'm used to such things.
    --I doubt if that many judges ANYWHERE know the Bible (although, I;d bet some know Sharia law).
    --Speaking of which, bet only GOD knows what went into that waste water at the treatment plant in B'more...heh.
    --Seattle b'baller...white men can't jump!!!
    And you cannot go WRONG with that final meme...
    (brilliant)
    Very good report.

    Stay safe up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sending Mom flowers? How does that one work?

      Delete
  4. Ok I came and started to read but I have such a bad headache that I gave up and so I am just saying I was here today please forgive me for not reading the post

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come back when you feel better, if you like.

      Delete
  5. Haha, okay, you are the first one I'm telling this to: I will be eating chocolate and insects at once, in celebration of 700 followers. It'll be an upcoming blogpost. And you know, they say insects have protein, but the list of ingredients in said chocolate covered insects indicates no fiber or protein. False advertising.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dad always talked about eating chocolate covered pissants, but I have to say with him it was best to be skeptical.

      Delete