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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, May 18, 2015

Martin World News



ITEM:  Not quite world news but....

You have all by now heard my tale of woe about the stupid tally board I have to keep at work, and the fun ways I'm trying to overcome my aversion to it.  So I get this one little box each hour to put in explanations for why I am dropping farther and farther behind.  Sometimes fifty things happen at once, and there isn't enough room.  So I've cribbed a bogey man from my Aussie friends and just write "Bunyip attack."



And the other day, I took it to it's logical conclusion.  Presenting...




...the Bunyip Board!



ITEM:  Also not quite a MWN story, but I got an e-mail from Bobby G. the other day, informing me that there was a rumour going around, based on drone "evidence", that I really wasn't at Bixler Lake for my birthday after all...




...but causing problems in NYC!  I have to tell you that that picture is false, and I can prove it- anyone whose seen me knows I can only hit a clothes hamper with a dirty sock from 5 feet away 50% of the time, thus no one in their correct senses would let me anywhere near a performance longbow.  When asked about the concurrent rumour that that was Bob in green there, he said, "Only if it's Monday, before my coffee."



ITEM:  In the ocean off California, scientists have discovered the first known totally warm-blooded fish:



I don't know that this makes the Opah MWNewsworthy of itself, but the thumbnail headline caught my eye:

Flapping Opah Is World's First Warm-Blooded Fish


Which I of course read as "Flapping OPRAH..."


Neither will I, if the Enquirer is anywhere close to right...




You couldn't flap THAT into the air with Michelle Obama's wingspan!


ITEM: The animalpocolypse approaches, part one:




PORTSMOUTH, England, May 18 (UPI) -- A sextet of runaway horses were caught on camera saying "nay" to traffic laws and galloping down the wrong side of the A3 motorway in England.
Surrey Police said six horses escaped from a farm Thursday between London and Portsmouth and a motorist on the A3 in Surrey recorded dashcam footage of the equines fearlessly running against traffic on the road.

"I've never seen anything like that in my life -- not in 20 years of driving," Russell Clark, a witness who was commuting Thursday when the horses ran past his vehicle, told The Telegraph. "The horses were really running at full speed.


So apparently they were an American breed, and just got their sides of the road confused.

ITEM:  Animalpocolypse, part 2:



HONG KONG, May 11 (UPI) -- A wild boar fell through the ceiling of a children's clothing store in Hong Kong, leading to a four-hour standoff with police.
The female boar, which authorities said was likely a resident of nearby woods, apparently climbed a ladder at a mall in the Chai Wan neighborhood Sunday before falling through the ceiling of a children's clothing store and landing on the top of a display case.

The boar eventually jumped to the ground and ran around the store.



Almost but not quite a "when pigs fly" moment.


NORTH ADAMS, Mass., May 14 (UPI) -- A Massachusetts police department has a message for citizens: "Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised."
The North Adams Police Department said in a Facebook post the incident "really did happen" Monday and "the hatchet man was taken into protective custody due to his incapacitation from the consumption of alcoholic beverage."

"The North Adams Police Department is urging everyone to NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk," the post said.

The post urged residents to steer clear of bears rather than "going all Davy Crockett chasing it through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet. It is just a bad idea and not going to end well."

Police said they are still working to determine what the man's planned "end game" was if he had caught up to the animal.


To the rest of the world:  I'm thinking maybe, depending on Davy's BAC and his relationship with his mother in law....


To Juli:  Wasn't Tony, was it?


ITEM:  A couple of nautical themed entries.  The first one involves a bit of not thinking ahead.  Police found an abandoned yacht on the side of the road in Norway, Wisconsin.  The Annie Mac, a 45-ft, $100,000 vessel, was left about halfway between Racine and Whitewater, police speculate, because its 12-ton payload was a bit much for the pickup truck they were trying to make of with it in.




The boat was unharmed, and got its first "exercise" in 3 years, as the owner is in Florida getting treated for Leukemia.


ITEM:  Nautical theme part two:  Remember hearing on the news a few weeks back about Sweden having a problem with Russian subs loitering in Swedish waters?  Well a group there has found a way to shoo the Russians off, given the Russian Government's recent delving into homophobia:


The Swedish Peace and Arbitration Society said "The Singing Sailor Underwater Defense System," a response to numerous reports of Russian submarines being spotted in Swedish areas of the Baltic Sea during the past year, features the neon image of a shirtless sailor gyrating his hips while "this way if you are gay" is transmitted through the water in Morse Code.

"Welcome to Sweden -- gay since 1944," the sign reads in English and Russian.

So the question I really don't need an answer to is- what happened in 1944 to bring Sweden out of the closet?


ITEM:  Finally, a question:  Do they have traffic ticket cameras in Utah?


RIYADH, Saudi Arabia, May 12 (UPI) -- A Saudi woman enlisted the help of her brother to drive her husband's vehicle through red lights to rack up $80,000 worth of fines on the night of his second wedding.
A YouTube video of the pickup truck going back and forth through a red light at a Saudi intersection went viral online and media in the country later reported the truck was being driven by the owner's brother-in-law.

The reports said the owner's wife was angry at her husband for taking a second wife, so she had her brother help her take the truck on the man's wedding night and the pair drove the vehicle through numerous red lights outfitted with traffic cameras to rack up a total $80,000 in fines.


In Ft Wayne, that would mean running the light 800 times!  That must have been a really fun night for ol' Mohammar the bro-in-law!

7 comments:

  1. I'm chuckling over the Opah jokes. If only that were a photo of a beached whale, it'd be a bit more accurate. Thanks for the laughter, CW.

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    1. Wow. You should have been with me on the Aretha Franklin roast on last week's Time Machine!

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  3. Chris:
    --My God...you know what a BUNYIP is...and I thought I was the ONLY one...heh!
    Good call at work.

    --ROFLMAO...didn't think you'd post the pic (and yes, I have had my coffee...lol)

    --HA...love the Opah/Oprah fish ...nice miscue
    (and well-deserved)

    --Colonial horses in the UK...what will they think of next?

    --I actually looked at the boar photo upside DOWN.,..
    "when pigs climb ladders?"
    Next step - pilot instruction!

    --in Mass. how's about DON'T chase bears...PERIOD???
    (toss 'em some peanut butter and then back away SLOWLY.

    --Safety tip - NEVER steal a boat that's LARGER than your tow vehicle.

    --I:m curious too as to what (or who) went down in Sweden in 1944?

    --In Fort Wayne, you can apparently run red lights and not get cited...and speed, .and park the wrong way...and double-park.
    Can't wait for all the refugees (here) from Myanmar to get licenses...(not!).

    Excellent report.

    Stay safe (and informed) up there, brother!

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    1. Dude, I've made a few Aussie friends, of course I know what a bunyip is!

      Not to mention in the old rune days, I had a book on supposedly mythological creatures.

      Some of my best bits come from stuff I didn't hear right. Like "Cheap urologist Curtis Smith".

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  4. Ok I read Oprah not Opah as well and wondered how did she disguise being a fish for so long oh had she just changed into a fish like having a sex change but instead a human to fish change, I know my brain is strange at times.

    As to chasing a bear through the woods with a blunt hatchet well I thought that was normal behaviour for drunk people so shouldn't the warning be not to drink around bears while having access to a hatchet blunt or otherwise, surly that would stop people chasing the bear, or you know what might really work is if the bear got drunk and chased the man with sharp hatchet.............that might make them think twice.

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    1. And I turn to Laurie and say, "You know why I love Jo-Anne?" I'd like to see that last one.

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